Some Might Say
by Tabitha craft
Summary: Pacey Witter categorically did not believe in love at first sight, but meeting his childhood friend, Jack McPhee's, roommate causes him to question this. Now split into chapters and completed. Chapters 5-8 are new.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Pacey Witter categorically did not believe in love at first sight. It was a completely ridiculous, hollywoodised notion that said more about the workings of the inner human psyche than he cared to admit. But when he walked into his childhood friend, Jack McPhee's, new apartment Pacey wondered whether he'd been mistaken.

Pacey had just moved back to Boston. Five years of medical school and he'd scored a job in Massachusetts General. The added bonuses of a job back home were several. Jack McPhee was one, his best friend growing up and an all round decent guy. Second, he could go see the Red Sox play with relative ease - hell he was going to splurge on a season ticket, and even if he didn't make it to their games he could at least join in the general gaiety and celebration that ensconced the city when they did play. Thirdly, Massachusetts General was an awesome hospital and Boston was an awesome city. On the downside his parents were there. His dad was there, and his always had been a lousy drunk and a lousy father. He'd pointed out only that morning how much it was putting he and Pacey's mom out to have Pacey staying there whilst he apartment hunted.

So, oblivious to the fate that awaited him Pacey hammered on Jacks door and when his friend pulled it open they immediately embraced in a big bear hug.

"Pace man, it is so good to see you," Jack chuckled and Pacey laughed as well taking the beer Jack pressed into his hand.

"You too Jack - great to be back in the same city at last," he grinned.

"You're telling me," Jack grinned broadly.

"But you gotta help me Jackers," he launched in immediately. "Please tell me you've got somewhere for me to move to?" Jack had been trying to find Pacey somewhere to live since Pacey had made the call to tell him he was coming home.

"Actually I do," Jack flopped onto the couch, Pacey flopping down beside him.

"Tell all!" Jack knew better than anyone why Pacey hated it at home. When Jack had come out in sophomore year Pacey had stood by him and barely battered an eyelash. Jack was Jack, his best friend. Pacey's parents had almost immediately started with the disapproval, the pointed jibs and jokes. It drove Pacey crazy and deteriorated his relationship with his parents further. It only served to strengthen his friendship with Jack. It seemed that the thing his parents were most worried about was that Pacey was gay too, which was frankly a ridiculous concern given that Pacey was either gay or not, irregardless of Jacks sexuality. Ironically, it was Doug, Paceys stoic big brother that Jack managed to yank out of the closet, merely by being irresistible and probably one of the nicest guys Pacey had ever known and of course the fact that Doug was in fact gay to begin with.

"The Adlers across the hall are getting a divorce. They handed notice in on the apartment today but they're pretty keen to vacate ASAP!" Jack grinned.

"What's it like?" Pacey couldn't believe his luck. It would be brilliant to live across the hall from Jack. Close enough but his own space. Doug would be around a lot and the suited Pacey nicely. The affection he lacked toward his parents was more than made up for in the affection he had for his siblings. Of course they hadn't always been close, but the five of them spoke regularly and now Pacey was back in Boston they planned to meet weekly for dinner. Doug was a police officer and whilst he sometimes lacked a sense of humour he was solid and utterly loyal to Pacey. Gretchen was savvy and fun.

"It's a two bed instead of a three like this but the second room is small, so the rent is a lot lower - I'm pretty sure you could manage it alone," Jack shrugged. "You interested?"

"Hell yeah," Pacey grinned.

"Thought you might say that," Jack grinned and leaned over the edge of the couch and grabbed a form off the nearby bookshelf. "I spoke to Mr Leeland the building administrator and you're practically a shoein."

"I owe you Jackers," Pacey grinned.

"You'll owe me even more when you meet Jen," Jack bit his lip and hauled himself out of his seat to grab a bag of chips, tossing them to Pacey.

"So tell me about these girls you live with?" Pacey settled back with his beer. "You met them during your training right?"

"Yeah. I met Jen first. We sort of had to recruit Joey, she's a little shyer but totally funny. Jen and I had hit it off immediately but a week in we were grouped together with Jo to practice taking blood. I don't know what set us off but we couldn't be serious, and trust me, Joey takes her training very, very seriously. But she was the one to crack the joke that made us lose it, all the while she's cool as a cucumber. Jen and I actually got sent out of class! But Joey found us and bought us a beer and from then on we were always together!"

"So why am I gonna want Jen and not Joey?" Pacey asked. "And how come we haven't met before now?"

"You haven't met them before now because you've only come home for holidays when they're in their respective homes, ok? Now why will you want Jen? Don't get me wrong, they're both totally awesome, different but both gorgeous. I could never pick one as a better friend because they are both brilliant and appeal to different parts of me. Jen is a fiery blond bombshell, totally your type man. Fun but not shallow. She's witty, smart and gorgeous."

"And the other one? The one with the boy name...Joey?" Pacey chuckled. Jen sounded totally his type, but slightly better than that because these days, being as busy as he was, he tended to go for frivolous rather than witty and wise. He was about ready for something a little more but only with the right person, and if Jack thought Jen might be the right person, well Pacey trusted his judgement.

"Joey yeah, short for Josephine but don't ever let her know I told you because she'll like kill me," Jack shot a nervous glance up the corridor to the bedrooms "she's in her room" he mouthed. "Joeys...um..."Jack had lowered his voice and was frowning. "She, well she'll totally call you on your shit but she's not like Jen, not confident in herself, though she should be. She's utterly gorgeous in the tall, brooding way, awesomely clever, funny in a quiet kinda way but well Joey doesn't do guys," Jack tried to explain. Pacey nodded.

"She have a girlfriend?" he asked easily.

"Nah Pace, not like that, doesn't do guys...more she just doesn't date. She's one of the kindest people you could ever meet, but well...it doesn't matter because she's really not your type in the way that Jen is." Again Pacey trusted Jacks judgement. At that moment a key jangled in the lock and the door burst open emitting a small, slight girl with a mass of blond hair.

"Hey Jen," Jack grinned at her as she dropped her bags, flung her keys in a bowl by the door and grabbing Jacks beer sunk into an armchair. Pacey liked her already. "Jen this is my best friend Pacey," Jack introduced.

"Finally we meet," she smiled a him "I feel like I know you... Jacks always, Pacey this, Pacey that."

"Jack and I spent practically our entire time together growing up - all my story's are Jack this, Jack that," Pacey told her easily.

"Are you going to go for the place across the hall?" Jen arched a brow and took another lazy, sexy sip of Jacks beer.

"Yeah, seems perfect, and so near the hospital," Pacey agreed catching a glimpse of Jack out of the corner of his eye. Jack looked inordinately pleased.

"I know, we were so lucky to get this place," Jen agreed as a door down the hall opened. "Joey found it...she was visiting an ex patient at home and as we were looking - it was like kismet."

It was kismet in many ways that Jen murmured the word kismet as Joey appeared in the entrance to the lounge area. She was wearing sweats and a hoody. Her dark brown hair was pulled up into a rough ponytail and she had a half smile on her face. Paceys heart immediately began to pound in his chest, it pounded so hard he thought he may be having an early heart attack and being a doctor he aught to know. He was suddenly so hot he thought he might faint and by fuck, he was rock hard. Totally embarrassing, totally unexpected and what on earth was he supposed to do about it?

"You started beers and nobody called me, huh?" she teased with an adorable lopsided smile and shining eyes. "Hi," she smiled at him and his body melted into a puddle. He was no longer a man, just a mushy puddle on Jacks couch.

"hmmm" he barely managed in return. She gave him a quizzical look with a quirk of her brow that did nothing to stem the rapid rhythm of his heart and then headed for the fridge calling over her shoulder,

"Anyone need another?"

"Me, Jen stole mine, and grab Pacey one he seems to be...disintegrating on the couch," Jack smirked in amusement at Jen as they both watched Pacey watch Joey. "Dont think your gonna get that date," Jack teased Jen under his breath.

"Clearly," she chuckled back, but Pacey was immune to their gossip as he watched Joey.

No, Pacey did not believe in love at first sight, but he didn't know what the hell was happening to him because this was something. He'd desired women before. A lot of women but he'd never felt this instantaneous want before, not just for them physically but for all of them. He felt, as ridiculous as it sounded, utterly confident in the fact that should he be given the opportunity he could make Joey happy, that he could spend his whole like making her happy and that would make him happy. That she would make him happier than anyone else could.

"So who's your friend?" she asked Jack, apparently as unperturbed by his presence as he was perturbed by hers. She rested herself on the arm of Jens chair.

"This is Pacey, Pacey, this is Joey." Jack introduced watching his best friend with amusement. "And I guess I was totally wrong," he alluded to their conversation a little earlier.

"I've heard a lot about you," she gave him a tentative grin.

"hmmmm," he attempted back but he still couldn't seem to get his shit together. One look at her and he was a complete mess.

"ok..." she frowned. "Jen are you still up for heading out tonight? I thought we could walk to Cafe Vanille - I totally owe you dessert after you helped me collect that box of books," Joey ruffled Jens blond curls affectionately and Pacey realised he was in big trouble.

"Cake," he croaked. "I'd, um, yeah, some," he attempted and Jack and Jen practically peed themselves laughing. Joey looked confused and slightly unsettled. Like they might be laughing at her. Jen seemed to realise and launched herself out of the chair and grabbed Joeys hand.

"Yeah let's go," she agreed flinging her empty bottle into the recycling.

"Do you guys want to come?" Joey asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

"S'alright," Jack shrugged as Pacey nodded not really capable of a verbal response.

"Is that a yes or a no," she chuckled looking from one to the other.

"Yeah, um, I owe Jack...the place across the hall," Pacey whacked Jack on the arm rather pointedly.

"Um yeah...and I definitely want cake rather than a nice beer out," Jack rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Get a grip man," Jack told Pacey under his breath as they walked behind the girls in the direction of Cafe Vanille. Joey had changed into a pair of boot cut, form fitting jeans and Pacey was hypnotised by the movement of her ass as she walked with Jen.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me...she's...god..." Pacey attempted to explain.

"You love her," Jack teased.

"I don't even know her," Pacey looked slightly wild.

"She'll drive you crazy," Jack told him. And she did. She immediately began to drive Pacey crazy in a multitude of ways. She was sweet, she was funny, she was kind, she was clever, she was witty and she was also evasive, difficult, argumentative. They argued at Cafe Vanille. He was trying to be nice and pay, she got haughty taughty about it, acted like she thought he was looking down on them. Man, she had a chip on her shoulders. Not that he'd know where it came from because she'd always avoid answering questions, cleverly diverting conversation back to whomever she was talking to.

Walking back from Cafe Vanille Jack and Jen loitered behind whilst  
Pacey and Joey walked in silence. Minor tussle over the bill aside she was every bit as intriguing as he thought she would be.

"So where did you grow up?" he smiled. He couldn't seem to stop smiling.

"Down the coast a little, you?" she bit her lip. "Stupid question, you grew up here with Jack. I'm tired," she explained.

"How come?"

"Long shift yesterday, lots of stuff to get done on my day off...you know, laundry, cleaning, shopping..."

"Oh I have someone come in and do all that," Pacey told her lazily.

"Really?" she gawped at him and he chuckled,

"No not really, only in my dreams. Life would be so much nicer without grocery shopping and cleaning," he fantasised.

"And cooking, god I hate cooking," she smiled at him. He would do anything for those smiles.

"Now there we'll have to disagree. I love to cook..."

"Really?" she interrupted looking impressed. Pacey was secretly pleased as punch at the expression on her face.

"Yeah, it takes the stresses of the day from me. I kind of put all those loose threads, bits of stress away with each vegetable I chop...I don't know, does that make any sense?"

"Total sense," she nodded. "I write poetry," she told him and he practically jerked in surprise, that was totally not what he wanted to hear. There was nothing wrong with writing poetry per say, but the way she said it...well it sounded a little pretentious. Before he could say anything further she elaborated, laughing at the expression on his face, "don't misunderstand. It is terrible, terrible poetry, if you can even call it that. It's more like witty ditty's to vent my stress. They're probably only funny to me, but it's how I work out the left over and running," she wrinkled her nose and Pacey burst out laughing. She wasn't pretentious at all and she ran.

"I do the running too," he nodded.

"So what's your favourite meal to cook?" she asked turning her head to look a him.

"This is going to sound weird but I cook vegetarian. It's crazy because I love meat, but I cook vegetarian. Risotto is my favourite - to eat and cook."

"I love risotto," she gushed.

"Well when I move in I'll cook you dinner," there was no mistaking that it would be a date.

"We can eat risotto together but not as a date," she narrowed her eyes a him.

"Well then, when I move in to my new place we'll eat risotto together," Pacey decided to heed Jacks warning- if the girl didn't date he'd have to work out how to date without dating. "and I'd love to read your witty ditty's!"

"Oh, no one reads those," she laughed out loud, "I'd never hear the end of it."

"And why would that be?"

"Every fantasy I have is in those things..."

"Fantasy?" Paceys voice was lower, huskier but she just rolled her eyes,

"Who I'd happily slap, that kind of fantasy. Occasionally the other type too, but mostly of the venting variety!"

"How disappointing," Pacey teased with a frown and she whacked him on the shoulder with a chuckle.

"I bet your ditty's would be a sordid little read huh," she teased back.

"Oh definitively, more than you could handle I'm sure," he grinned.

"I'm sure," she chuckled and an easy silence fell.

"So what area of the hospital are you based in?" he asked her wondering how lucky he might get.

"I'm a paediatric nurse in the emergency department," she told him. 'Score,' Pacey couldn't help think to himself.

"We'll be working together then. I'll be starting in paediatric emergency next week."

"That's great," she was so genuinely pleased.

"Yeah, I've been wanting to move into the field since I completed my training."

"The team is really great...well Dr Valentine can be really annoying...shit I shouldn't have said that," she covered her mouth with her hands.

"Your secret is safe..." he flirted.

"To be honest, I can be a little annoying too," she shrugged in an easy going manner, "I have very strong opinions."

"But he's the doctor?"

"Yeah," she answered vaguely.

* * *

'I am so, so tired,' Joey flopped onto the couch and smiled at Pacey who was sat in the armchair across from her. Jen and Jack were rummaging in the kitchen.

'It would not be an exaggeration to say that I have never met anyone who works as hard as you,' Pacey tried to sound relaxed but his heart was pounding just being in the same room as her. The entire day had been spent as if he'd had an extra shot of adrenalin, the boom of his heart sounding in his ears and that was just at the prospect of seeing her and having to interact with her. Oh he'd been professional, but man it was torture to tear his eyes from her, it was near impossible not to become a gibbering wreck in her presence. And now they were back at her place, and she was in jeans and a hoody and boy did he wish he'd chosen the couch.

'Please,' she rolled her eyes and he practically died at the gesture, 'I don't work harder than anyone else in that hospital.' She shrugged easily.

'You do, and everyone knows it.'

'Says you at the end if your first day!'

'I'm observant - you didn't even stop for lunch,' he would know, he'd been looking.

'That's because I never stop for lunch.'

'Like I said, you work harder than anyone,' Pacey smiled at her in what he hoped was an engaging manner.

"So how was the first day? What do you make of the hospital?" she leaned toward him, her eyes bright.

"Well there was this really gorgeous nurse," he teased and she rolled her eyes again, god but that one gesture was going to drive him literally crazy. "I'm not lying. I asked her out to dinner but she said no, and I know for a fact she was free!"

"If you're going to be annoying I won't ask again," she gave him a death glare but he knew she was kidding.

"Fine, fine. I love the department. It was great to be working where I really want to. The staff are great, you particularly, and not because I think you're gorgeous," he hated himself, officially, but he just couldn't seem to turn off his compliment diarrhea. "You are a truly excellent nurse and that helps me hugely, especially on my first day." This was no exaggeration and Joey knew it and thus seemed to accept the compliment. "It's only a shame Jen and Jack are in a different department," he shrugged.

"That would make Jen and Dr Valentines affair a little less than clandestine," Joey joked loud enough for Jen to hear,

'Ha, ha... it's hardly a secret Jo," she and Jack returned from the kitchen with beers and plates ready for the sushi take out they'd ordered.

"You and Drue?" Pacey stared at Jen with an open mouth, an expression that was dwarfed by Jacks shock.

"What the hell did I miss?" He stared at the blond in utter confusion.

"You knew," Jen swatted him on the back in a dismissive way.

"But you knew I was match making you and Pacey," Jack stuttered.

"Well yeah, I've seen pictures and it's not like Drue and I are more than casual."

"Yet," Joey put in.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jack was just about choking on his beer.

"Because I figured you knew. It took Joey five minutes to work it out."

"Well now I feel like a dumbass," Jack frowned.

"Not a dumbass," Jen hugged Jack.

"To be fair it only really picked up this week," Joey reassured.

"It's a moot point anyway considering Pacey isn't interested in me."

"He was," Jack defended.

"For thirty seconds," Jen laughed and looked pointedly at Joey.

"Leave me out of this," she grumbled.

"And me," Pacey agreed. He desperately wanted to talk to Joey but felt suddenly awkward with Jen and Jack right there.

"So Pacey have you heard about the place across the hall?" Joey flicked her eyes to gesture in the general direction of the front door.

"Um, yeah the guy Mr Leeland said I got it and can move in two weeks today."

"Ha," Jack interrupted.

"Ha?" Pacey smirked at him.

"I'm out of town and so is your brother."

"Ha to you, I hardly have any stuff."

"You will when your mom clears out the basement," Jack kicked at Pacey's foot and Pacey kicked back.

"I just can't wait to be out of that place. I mean I love them, sort of, but there is a reason we leave home."

"Why don't you stay with one of your sisters? Doug said you guys have sisters?" Joey frowned.

"Gretchen, the logical choice, well she's got a studio. I don't think I could handle Gretchen in that small amount of space. Carrie has got three kids running round. She'd have me, but I need sleep and her youngest gets night terrors."

"And the last one?" Jen smiled at him.

"Anna. I could stay with Anna I guess, but the commute to work would be nearly an hour. I can't do an hour on either end of the day."

"Why don't you stay here?" Jack asked and looked to Jen and Joey who nodded. "You could sleep on the couch."

"Now that's fine, but why don't you stay at Doug's? I mean he's here half the time anyway?" Joey frowned and he reminded himself to focus on the conversation.

"Oh Dougy never let's me stay. Not after my extended stay in high school. Too much teasing about being in the closet. Never mind the fact that he was in fact in the closet, the guy holds a grudge and has never forgiven me for messing with the diva cd collection."

"A crime I'm sure," Joey caught his eye and grinned. He grinned back.

"Of the highest order," he concurred.

"Seriously, stay here," Jack stated and the girls nodded.

"I'll go home and fetch a bag now I'm that on board with that suggestion," Pacey made to stand.

"Wait for dinner," Jack suggested but Pacey shook his head.

"I really would rather get my stuff and not have to stay there tonight?"

"You need a hand?" Joey asked before Jack could. Jack immediately shut his mouth knowing Pacey would rather Joey than him. Pacey gaped like a fish for a second or two. The idea of having Joey to himself versus the idea that Joey might meet his parents. It was a no brainer no matter how his parents made him feel,

"That would be great," he gave her what he hoped was a dazzling smile. His expression was one of total adoration, not that he knew it. Joey jumped off the couch and headed to the door.

"Let's go then otherwise these two will eat all the sushi," she looked at him and he shook himself a little and followed her. He couldn't be sure but he thought he heard Jack and Jen laughing as the door closed behind him.

* * *

"Ok I love this van," Joey told him as she sank into his second hand and extremely old VW camper. "I've always wanted to have one of these. I have this fantasy of converting one and travelling across to the west coast, maybe even up north to Canada. I'd have to get a dog though," she grinned and looked into the back.

"I have the same fantasy," Pacey could scarcely contain his glee at how utterly perfect they were for one another, "as you can see the conversion is only part done. There's not a lot of cash going spare when you're in medical training."

"I guess not," Joey smirked as she fingered the new but exceedingly retro curtains.

"My sister Anna made those. Gretchen and Doug chose the fabric and she made them up. She's all kinds of crafty and good with stuff like that," Pacey smiled.

"I have to say I love them. I love everything about this van. Does it run well?" she arched a brow.

"Like a dream. A mate of Doug's fixed it up for me, mates rates."

"So when are you planning this big trip?" she crossed her legs on the seat like a kid.

"I guess my aim is thirty."

"Thirty?" she seemed amused.

"I don't plan on taking this trip alone. I'm hoping I may have a girlfriend and we'd go together, you know before kids and all that. But I need to work a few years, to warrant the time I want off."

"How long do you want off?" she chuckled.

"I'm thinking a year. In fact it would be my honeymoon. Can you imagine? We could pull up at a beach, swim, watch the sun rise, all that," his eyes flashed with enthusiasm.

"We?" she was teasing, he knew she was teasing, but for a split second he put Joey into that fantasy and the result was more than perfect.

"Well now that would be fine by me, but I imagine you who doesn't date might find the jump to honeymoon a little much," he decided to tease back.

"Ha ha," she laughed, "though if that's the honeymoon you want I might be tempted to marry you!"

"Anytime missy,"

"Jack was right - you're a riot," she rolled her eyes.

"And you're a sweetie pie," he spoke with heavy sarcasm though he thought it was true.

"Yeah like sugar," she was equally sarcastic.

"Don't worry, the reputation of your acerbic temper precedes you," he looked at her briefly and she smiled,

"As it should," she nodded as they pulled up in front of his parents modest detached home. "This it?"

"Where I grew up," he nodded as they exited his van and headed up the front porch pushing open the unlocked door. The house was old, the wallpaper peeling a little. Pacey hated the old, worn furniture for the nostalgia it wrought.

"I hope you didn't park your damn van out front," his fathers voice came from the usual chair.

"Only for a few minutes pop. I'm moving in with Jack."

"That damn kid is gonna take both my sons," his father muttered.

"Doug went willingly dad and Jacks my best friend, always has been," Pacey felt exhausted already.

"Don't speak back to me," his father growled.

"Dad...this is a friend of mine, Joey," he gestured to Joey but his dad didn't look away from the tv for a long moment, then hesitantly looked to Joey. "Whatcha doing with this boy?" he asked appraising Joey's pretty face.

"Well sir, we work together."

"At the disease hub," Pacey's dad looked back to the tv.

"I prefer to think of it as a health hub. After all it's where we help people get better."

"Do you now?" Pacey watched as his father looked back at Joey.

"I do. Everyone in that building works really hard to help and heal people, calling it a disease hub doesn't really do it justice. There's all the elderly people, the people with broken limbs, those that need cosmetic surgery, children who have had accidents, people having babies and yes, those with diseases. Maybe an illhealth hub, but more than just diseases!"

Pacey watched his father bark out a laugh and turn back to the tv,

"You can keep this one around. I like her," he dismissed them with a wave of his hand. They headed through to the kitchen where his mom was sat with a book.

"Oh Pacey. I hope you didn't park out the front, did you?" she asked with a weary sigh.

"I did mom..."

"Oh Pacey," she interrupted, "you know how your father hates that van."

"Mom, I'm going to go stay with Jack. It's nearer the hospital and they have space," he lied. "Joey's here to help."

"Hi," his mom gave Joey a dismissive glance, "well don't take long," she looked back at her book. Pacey rolled his eyes and nodded in the direction of the stairs.

"Now don't laugh. This was my room when I was eighteen. Aside from the odd college vacation I haven't been here since then!"

"I'll try not to hold what I see against you," she smirked as they entered the painfully small room, with its small single bed, cluttered walls and shelves full of books. "You liked to read huh?" she crouched down in front of the book case pursuing the titles. "Kurt Vonnegut fan by any chance?"

"The biggest," he smiled. "You read them?"

"No, should I?" she smiled at him over her shoulder.

"Start with Slaughterhouse Five," he instructed plucking the book from the shelf and handing it to her.

"Thanks, but I'm only reading it if I get to use this," she held up an old photo of him wearing a Bruins jersey and holding a hockey stick, "as the bookmark."

He took the picture and looked at his fifteen year old self.

"Jack took that. We went to a game for his birthday, about a month or so before he came out. His dad took us, it was just about the last thing they did together before his dad freaked out. Somehow he managed to get us back to meet a couple of the players. Best day."

"You look adorable," Joey smiled as she tucked the photo inside the book. "I promise to guard the picture with my life," she held the book to her heart and he took a step towards her, making them a little closer than friends would normally be.

"You're adorable," he whispered the words, one if his hands moving to rest on her hip. For a moment they stared at one another but then Joey smiled,

"Pacey, you're going to have to stop all that before it gets uncomfortable."

"Go out to dinner with me and it won't be uncomfortable," he smiled at her charmingly and she squeezed his cheek,

"You might be cute but I'm not interested in dating."

"Fine. Then help me pack," he reached behind her and grabbed a bag from his closet and she laughed. It seemed slightly unfair to him that she could be so damn perfect for him. Hell, they could even banter about wanting to date and not wanting to date.

"What am I packing here?" she took the bag.

"I'll do the big move in two weeks, but there's a pile of notes and stuff on my desk, and I need a couple of ties for some meetings. I guess I better take all the stuff in the top desk drawer. I'll do clothes."

"Deal, but let's be quick. You've never seen Jen eat sushi!"

* * *

Pacey had to hand it to Jack - the guy had the worlds comfiest couch. It was long enough to fit his 6"3 frame, wide enough for him to turn on and the cushions were just the right mix of firm and yet comfortable. Unfortunately, despite the comfortable bed he had, he was not falling asleep and yet he couldn't really fathom why. Sure his head was full of the girl he'd met only two days earlier. He hated his entirely irrational response to her. He was borderline pathetic in his utter, incomprehensible response to her. She was attractive, well beautiful if he was honest, and gorgeous and he wanted her. Man, did he want her. But it was more than that. She was funny and sweet and she worked hard, and yes she was feisty. He could immediately see she was insecure, but was unclear about what. He just wanted to magic that all away. Inside was a burning need to make her his and to be hers. It was crazy and totally on the off with his romantic views up until that moment he first laid eyes on her. He was bat shit crazy for her. He sat up and rubbed his eyes and headed to the kitchen for some water wearing just his pj pants and a wife beater.

"Hey," Joey was sat at the table with his battered copy of Slaughterhouse Five and a glass of water.

"I thought everyone went to bed," Pacey yawned and took in her pj pants, and obligatory hoody. She looked scrumptious.

"I tend to go to bed a little later. It takes me a while to fall asleep so I often vacate the bed, read elsewhere and try again," she smiled at him. "Couch not comfy?"

"The couch is awesome," he said honestly. "I just can't seem to fall asleep."

"Try my trick and chat to me for a bit," she pushed out the chair next to her with her foot.

"You enjoying the book?" he arched a brow as he sat down next to her.

"Yeah...it's good. I'll borrow the others when you're all moved in," she gave him a cheeky little smile.

"I have a ton of books."

"You haven't seen my room," she popped her photo bookmark in.

"You like to read?"

"I nearly majored in English, but decided on nursing as the more practical option."

"You don't see English as practical?"

"Not unless I wanted to be a teacher, professor or god forbid end up in editing," she rolled her eyes and Pacey restrained himself from touching her.

"I'm sure English leads to other jobs," he chuckled.

"None I wanted to do as much as nursing."

"Fair enough."

"I do dream of writing a book one day. I'm pretty sure it's a cliché and everyone feels this way but I'm sure I have a novel in me somewhere!"

"Totally cliché," Pacey teased.

"Watch it," she grumbled swatting his arm.

"You want to go for a run tomorrow morning? I noticed we're both on at 8, so we could run at 6.30?"

"Oh I'm gonna like having you live here," Joey smiled, "Doug warned me not to run alone in the dark and I like Doug so I listened, but if we run together..."

"It's ok!" Pacey grinned.

"Yep. I've tried and tried to get Jen and Jack into running but they just aren't into it. Doug sometimes runs with me when he stays over."

"All Witter's took up running in their teens - I think you may understand why after meeting the folks!"

"They're full of love and affection huh?" she spoke with a soft sarcasm.

"They were once," Pacey thought back to his childhood, "but they seemed to hold us to these unrealistic expectations and we all just kept letting them down. I was a screwup. I know I'm a doctor now but I was nearly failing sophomore year."

"But surely they're proud of you now? I mean doesn't every parent dream of having a doctor in the family?"

"Not the Sheriff! He wanted the boys to be police men and ideally sheriffs of course. Doug pleased him mightily by following in his footsteps, then Doug came out. I wouldn't call dad an out and out homophobe, he campaigned for gay rights, but Doug and Jack and all that was a little to close to home I guess."

"What about your sisters?"

"For Gretchen it was a pregnancy and abortion in college - apparently mom and dad aren't exactly pro-choice, Carrie got the divorce and Anna, well Anna moved in with her boyfriend at 16 and never really came back home. They were ok until we began to challenge them and broke out of the moulds they'd made for us. It doesn't help that dads a drunk."

"That never helps."

"And mom...she just seems defeated. Tired all the time. I've talked to her about depression but she still sees me as the screw up," he shrugged.

"At least you guys are all close," Joey smiled.

"We weren't always, but yeah, we are now." They sat in silence for a few moments.

"I'm going to head to bed, but thanks for the chat," she stood up and surprised him by ruffling his hair on her way past him to the door. His stomach swooped up to his head and down to his toes before settling uneasily back where it was supposed to be. With a sigh he headed back to the couch.

After that night, chatting to Joey in the kitchen at midnight became a regular thing. Aside from a couple of night shifts Pacey would find that he just couldn't fall asleep until he'd checked the kitchen. Inevitably Joey would be there.

"Hey," she kicked out his chair for him a week to the day that he moved in. It had been a whirlwind of a week. He'd sweet talked the shift supervisor and now he and Joey shared nearly every shift. Pacey knew they worked well together and that everyone had noticed how well they worked together and so there was no real problem. He loved working at the hospital almost as much as he was enjoying getting to know Joey. Not loving Joey, getting to know her, he reiterated to himself several million times a day. You can't love someone you don't know. She was fun to work with. Incredibly opinionated and utterly brilliant. She hadn't hesitated to second guess him on an occasion the previous day and she was right. She'd handled it with complete professionalism, took him to one side and disagreed. He'd been less grown up about it, but she'd insisted and she was right. She was everything he could want in a nurse.

It hadn't taken long for the hospital rumour mill to kick start into action and several staff would watch their interactions with interest, especially because they worked so seamlessly together. But their interactions were the problem. She was funny, and she was intriguing. She was always interested in what he had to say and was always easy going and affectionate. But that was it - she clearly wanted to be just friends. Jack told him that gossip had the two of them dating, or at least sleeping together. Pacey was disappointed that neither was true although he was relieved that she seemed as interested in a friendship as he was in a relationship. He could tell she enjoyed his company and he could even tell she thought he was attractive, but it ended there. Friendship and a little flirting.

"How you doing?"

"I finished Slaughterhouse Five..."

"And?" Pacey leaned forward as they began a lengthy analysis of the book. Slipping into his bed later that night he knew in his bones that she was the girl for him. That he would marry her and have children with her in a heartbeat because they would make each other happy. It just seemed almost laughable that she didn't feel the same way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"So every night you just come and sit at the table and read for a couple of hours?" Pacey asked upon finding Joey on the ninth consecutive night. She gave him a frown,

"Actually I normally read in the lounge on our nice comfy couch," she bit her lower lip and Pacey barely managed to not groan out loud.

"We can sit through there. You should have said something before now."

"But you might have been sleeping," she shrugged and picked up her book standing up and walking through to the lounge with him.

"Clearly I'm an insomniac like you."

"Nah, you just like our midnight chats. I catch you yawning at work."

"Ok, you got me there," Pacey watched her slide into his cocoon of a bed, sitting up with her thighs against his pillow and pat the space beside her. Leaving an appropriate amount of room he sat down next to her. "Cold?" He asked and when she nodded he pulled his duvet across them like a blanket.

"Now this is how I normally spend my nocturnal hours of wakefulness, though I'm normally alone."

"This couch is extremely comfortable."

"I know. More often than not this is where I eventually fall asleep."

"You seen a doctor about the insomnia?" he was hesitant in asking this, Joey was extremely closed off with personal information.

"Loads of doctors and nothing helps. I refuse to take sleeping tablets. I figure one day I'll just go to bed and sleep. Until then..."

"At least you have company," he grinned at her, loving the cozy intimacy of the couch.

"Yeah, I'm falling asleep a lot quicker with the chats than just reading," she snuggled down and he watched her lids shut for a second. His heart pounded at the idea of her sleeping where he slept. "But you move on the weekend," she yawned.

"Across the hall," he smiled.

"Hmmm," she murmured her eyes shutting again. He watched her eyes close and not open, her breathing deepen and her head fall sideways onto his pillow. He let out a soft moan and reaching a hand across ran a finger over her cheek before sitting back and watching her for a little while longer, his heart almost painful with it's furious beating. He cursed inwardly at the feeling of three little words dying to break free from him and in an effort not to let them loose he stretched out her legs and dropped his head to the opposite end of the couch, sleeping like he and Jack had as kids, their legs tangled together.

* * *

Pacey awoke with a jolt of adrenaline as he remembered falling asleep the previous night, and the feel of legs entwined with his. He bashed at the arm shaking him awake.

"What?" he hissed at his best friend.

"You're going to be late. You start an hour before Jo," Jack whispered back, an amused grin plastered onto his face. "I have coffee in the kitchen."

Pacey unwillingly untangled himself from Joey making every effort not to wake her before stumbling sleepily into the kitchen where Jack handed him a cup of coffee.

"So you and Joey are sharing a bed now, huh?" Jack gave him a broad grin.

"We were talking and fell asleep," Pacey was defensive.

"Another midnight chat?" Jack arched a brow and Pacey looked surprised,

"She told you?" his voice had a slight squeak to it.

"Um yeah, Joey is one of my best friends. She told Jen and I when you were at dinner with the sibs. She likes you Pacey."

"Likes me how?" Pacey needed clarification.

"As a friend. I've known Joey for five years now and Jen and I are her only friends. The fact that she likes you is a big deal. She really doesn't date Pace. I know you like her..."

"Like her?" Pacey gave a wry laugh of derision, "I wish I only liked her."

"You're saying you love her?" Jack frowned. He'd known Pacey his whole life and that was totally out of character.

"I feel like I've lost it Jack. I know I don't know her and yet it feels like I do. I need to get to know her but it's like I have this inner knowledge that she and I are right for each other. It's crazy, it's ridiculous, but that's how it is. I mean I think she's gorgeous that's painfully obvious but I don't just want to fuck her, I want her to want me."

"Wow," Jack put the spoonful of cereal that had paused midair into his mouth and crunched with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I think she thinks your attractive," he said at length, "and I know she loves hanging out with you..." he paused for a long time.

"And?"

"No and, just a but. She's not interested Pace. We've talked about it and she said she wouldn't want to date you."

"Oh," his face fell, he could feel it literally fall.

"What she said was she doesn't want to date anyone."

"Why the hell doesn't she date?"

"She's never said. We've asked but you must have noticed Jo doesn't like to share?"

"I guess. I mean she does but nothing really substantial."

"Exactly," Jack shrugged. "Just remember Pace, she likes you. If anyone can change this weird no dating policy of hers it would be you, I'm sure. Now go shower, we have to leave in twenty minutes."

* * *

The next night Pacey was just about to head to the kitchen when Joey poked her head into the lounge.

"Hey," she smiled and he smiled back. Work had been fun - lots of banter and lots of successes with patients. There had been nothing too depressing. The banter attracted the attention of other staff but he couldn't seem to stop and neither could she. They both seemed to crave the last word, the one upping of each other.

"You want to chat?" he asked and at her nod he opened up the covers so she could sit in the same spot as the night before.

"Today was fun," she said simply before yawning.

"Today was really fun," he smiled as she shuffled further into the couch.

"You and Jack have a fun evening?"

"Yeah, what about you and Jen?"

"Jen and I always have fun," she allowed her eyes to drift closed.

"You tired?" she seemed about ready to go to sleep but he didn't want to jinx an improvement to her insomnia.

"Hmmm," she hadn't yet opened her eyes but she was still awake. "You?"

"Exhausted," he allowed his eyes to drop closed for a moment. Opening them he realized that more than a moment had passed. Joey had dropped her head onto his pillow and was sleeping soundly. His traitorous hand was on her ass. His neck ached. Reluctantly he moved his hand and flopped his head down to the other end of the couch, falling immediately back to sleep.

* * *

The eleventh night at Jacks was the night Pacey had planned on catching up on his sleep. Joey was working a night shift and so he didn't need to force himself to stay awake just to be up when she wondered in. He'd gone out with Jen for a drink and that had been a lot of fun. She was full of astute appraisal and full of enthusiasm for him winning over Joey. They'd had a laugh. With the following day off he should have been able to sleep, but he must have dropped off only a few hours before Joey quietly entered the apartment after her night shift. Bleary eyed Pacey pushed himself into sitting as she moved about the kitchen. Her head poked into the room and she saw him sat on the couch,

"Hey," she seemed genuinely pleased to see him. "You sleep well?" she padded across the floor with a couple of mugs of coffee and slipped into her usual spot.

"Terribly," he admitted. "I missed our chat...and my new teddy bear," he was teasing but she just gave him a sheepish look and an easy shrug.

"I'm here now," she nudged his shoulder with hers.

"But we're drinking coffee and I have to go pack," he made a face.

"How about I sleep for a couple of hours and come help you? I'm on the night shift again tomorrow so I really aught to sleep a little. Normally I just have a couple of hours."

"You're crazy," Pacey said with lots of affection and smiled as he put his coffee back on the coffee table. After taking a look at Joey he reached for hers. He watched as her eyes dropped shut and a wash of feeling and emotion swam through him. It took him several moments to recognize the feeling as contentment. Not entirely strange as he'd never felt that way before. Tangling his legs with hers he dropped to the other end of the couch and fell asleep.

* * *

"You really don't need to help me," Pacey stated for the second time. Joey merely fixed him with a steely glare and continued to put books in a box.

"As I've already said, with Doug and Jack visiting Andie in New York and Jen working, if I don't help you, who will?"

"I could have persuaded Anna, or even Gretchen," he revealed but she just laughed.

"Yeah," she said and he wondered why she was laughing.

"At least the folks are both out," he stated but she was staring at an old photo. He leant over her shoulder and laughed, "that's Christmas about twenty years ago."

"You all look miserable," she sighed and continued to stare at the photo.

"We were. Mom and dad didn't get us a thing we wanted, which is ok, but it hurts when you're a kid all the same. Then dad got drunk, the dinner was torture and then mom had us pose for this obligatory family photo. Anna," he pointed to a willowy brunette, "she was in trouble for sneaking off to to see her boyfriend, Doug, he was trying to appease dad which made the rest of us mad at him. Carrie," he pointed to one of the redheads, "she couldn't get over receiving socks and undies for Christmas and Gretchen," he pointed to the wavy redhead, "she was mad at dad for being mad at me about something or other."

"And yet you keep the picture," she smiled at him.

"I love my brother and sisters," he said simply, "we were unified in our parental contempt!" He winked at her and she laughed.

"So, can I use nine year old Pacey Witter and his siblings as a bookmark in..." she crawled to his other bookcase.

"Cats Cradle," Pacey pulled the book out and handed it to her, "and yes you can."

"Good," she looked at the picture again, her eyes flitting across each of the five faces and dwelling on his.

"You like my photos," he appraised. He'd seen her stand for a full ten minutes in front of his wall of horror and spend a further thirty minutes looking through a small flip album she'd found amongst his medical books.

"I love your photos," she answered honestly, surprising him. "I am always interested in looking at photos and yours are particularly good. You were such a cute little kid," she smiled at him with genuine affection.

"Thanks," he said uncertainly watching as she tucked his old photo into his copy of cats cradle and pop them in her bag.

"So I've noticed you have no furniture unless your planning on taking that old bed, if you even fit it," she smirked.

"I don't fit it, haven't since I was sixteen. No I won't be taking it, mom and dad would kill me. I'm taking the van and going to ikea on Sunday."

"I love ikea," Joey murmured as she moved on to a second box of books.

"All girls seem to love ikea."

"Sexist. I know plenty of guys that like Ikea. Though maybe more girls seem to like it than guys because we care more about our surroundings," she looked pointedly around his room.

"I asked you not to judge," he looked wounded but she just rolled her eyes. "Fine, at eighteen I couldn't care less. Now I care, but I have a budget. You can come if you want?"

"Oh I can't," she told him simply without elaborating further.

"Ok," he nodded when it was clear she wasn't going to reveal any more.

"You know you can go online and put all the items you want in your basket and then print out the list in the order the items appear in the shop?"

"No you freak I didn't," he smirked at her irritated expression.

"At least I'm an organized freak who doesn't waste money and time."

"Touché," he said with a grin as he continued dismantling his notice board. "I'll do it tonight."

"And your taste has definitely improved?" she cast another worried look around his room.

"Definitely," he chuckled and threw an old stuffed toy at her.

"Not going in the bin," she shook her head and chucked it back hitting him on the head.

"Don't tempt me into battle with you," he warned her preparing to fling the toy again.

"It's not like you'd win," she muttered dismissively.

"No, you'd win but I'm pretty sure I'd find it hard to try and resist kissing you."

"Stop referring to kissing me, it gets in the way of the fun," she muttered a blush on her cheeks.

"But I want to kiss you and I think you might want to kiss me to," his damn heart was flying all over his body again.

"I like us like this Pacey. I don't want a relationship with you."

"But you don't deny you want to kiss me," he stared at her and she stared back.

"If you want my help, stop," she warned and he nodded throwing the toy at her again.

"Ok, ok."

* * *

Over lunch they were alone in the apartment. They sat on the couch, he ordered take out and they watched a movie. Joey was asleep before the closing credits and he wasn't far behind. She awoke in time to shower and head to her night shift.

The following morning he waited for her to come home before heading to his parents. But Joey didn't come home. She had the day off, he knew she did but she didn't come home after her shift and when he bumped into Jen she told him Joey was running errands. Jen gave him an apology but she was working and so he took his van over to his parents and prepared to move alone.

He was lugging up the fifth box when he bumped into Joey coming into the apartment block from the grocery store.

"Hey... Surely one of your siblings would help you move even if Jack and Doug are away? Surely you're not moving in by yourself?"

"Yeah...well Gretchen did offer to help then stood and watched me before heading to meet a friend for brunch. Jack and Doug are coming home later tonight and they're bringing Andie!"

"His sister?" her mouth fell open delightfully before she smiled.

"They're heading back here late," Pacey rolled his eyes and shifted the heavy box.

"What's she like? I can't imagine a girl version of Jack," she closed her eyes momentarily as if trying to conjure the image.

"She's nothing like Jack," Pacey chuckled. "She's very...intense. Talks a mile a minute and freaks out about everything..." he'd meant to keep it light but something in his tone clearly hinted at his less than kind feelings because Joey asked,

"You're not a fan?" her eyes narrowed.

"Potter, this box is heavy, how about I heft this the rest of the way upstairs and you give me a little company. Then we'll heft the next boxes together and I'll tell you all about my sordid little love affair with Andie McPhee," he grinned and she laughed and climbed the two flights of stairs with him, veering off to her apartment to shove her cold stuff in the fridge and meeting him back on the landing.

"So tell me," she was clearly interested in his little bit of gossip.

"We dated..."

"Shocking," she interrupted with heavy sarcasm.

"You want me to tell you or not?"

"Go on, go on," she pretended to zip her lips.

"Actually why did you say 'shocking' like that? Like I date a ton of people?" he looked a her a little offended but she just laughed again,

"Most of the women and a good proportion of the men in the hospital are already talking about you," she shrugged, "I guess I thought...well..."

"That I date a lot?" he smirked.

"Well yeah...I mean why wouldn't you if you're getting the offers?" she tilted her head to one side not seeming to see the irony of her questions.

"I don't know why wouldn't you?" he asked pointedly.

"Well I have my reasons and you, you have a reputation! I have lived with your best friend for over a year. He does talk about you a lot."

"And yet he never mentioned I dated his sister!?" Pacey cursed Jack for telling Joey stories about his endeavours with women.

"No. My favourite is your English teacher...I don't know whether to be impressed or repulsed," she nudged her shoulder against his.

"Jack is in so much trouble," Pacey growled blushing. Joey touched his cheek softly,

"Reds a nice colour on you," she teased gently which only caused him to blush more. And his heart to hammer, his pulse to race, his body to reel, his libido to jump. It was fucking ridiculous.

"So we dated. She was my first love," he began hesitantly relieved to be opening his car and handing her a light box rather than looking at her.

"Sorry... I've been teasing when maybe this is all more serious for you," she was suddenly repentant.

"Oh it was at the time...but you know I've let it go."

"So what happened?"

"She cheated on me. Slept with another guy. Suddenly all the qualities I once found endearing were more annoying, " he explained honestly.

"Wow, she sounds nice," the sarcasm was heavy.

"I shouldn't have told you. I don't want to taint your opinion of her, she's Jacks sister after all. I try and get on with her for that reason. Funny thing is, she doesn't get that I don't feel like that about her anymore. She acts like I'm still pining away for her."

"What's she do?"

"She's a doctor," Pacey said somewhat apologetically.

"You know, not every nurse wanted to be a doctor. Some of us actually chose nursing because we wanted to be nurses."

"I know...I didn't mean..." Pacey had never seen Joey cross and he hadn't expected the flashing eyes, the stomping foot and the crossed arms. She was utterly, heart stoppingly sexy.

"I love being a nurse. I don't think doctors are more important than nurses, despite what you lot think. Without us, you lot are screwed and most of us aren't so full of ourselves to not know that without you we're screwed. The words are 'medical team' but everyone treats you lot like gods and us like the maid," she glared a him.

"I didn't mean..." he began but she cut him off.

"So you weren't all apologetic about the fact that's she's a doctor because you felt like you were rubbing it in, that she was what I probably wanted to be," Joey glared at him and dropped the box on the landing outside his apartment.

"Actually no, that wasn't what I meant at all," Pacey thundered, furious at being so misunderstood and misinterpreted.

"Sure," she rolled her damn eyes again.

"I used that apologetic tone because I stupidly didn't want you to think I only date doctors, because I don't. I date nurses too and non medical people..." he trailed off his anger abating.

"Why on earth would you want me to know that?" she was still glaring, her anger clearly not yet spent.

"So you know I'd date you," he tried to explain.

"You ask me out nearly every day, I know you'd date me," she raised her hands in exasperation.

"Well I didn't want there to be any confusion," he uttered meekly and she laughed.

"Pacey, why don't you forget about trying to date me and be friends with me?"

"I would but what if I'm busy being friends with you and some other guy comes in and sweeps you off your feet."

"There'll be no sweeping Pace," she gave his arm a squeeze. "I don't say I don't date to challenge men, I mean I'm really not interested in dating anyone. I do not want a relationship. I really do not date."

"And if that changed would you tell me... You know, to prevent the sweeping?" he hated feeling so vulnerable.

"I'd tell you, but it isn't going to happen. So stop attempting to ask me out and just be my friend."

"Sure, ok, I can do that," he nodded and picked up his box. She smiled and picked up hers.

* * *

The rest of the box shifting went smoothly and pretty fast considering there was no furniture to empty any of the boxes into.

"You moved backwards," Joey claimed as they grabbed a couple of beers and slumped onto the couch in her apartment.

"Excuse me?" he arched a brow at her.

"You should have gone to Ikea today. I could have helped. Then you'd have constructed the furniture and had somewhere to unpack your boxes. But you're stuck here for another night and you have to buy and construct all your furniture tomorrow and thus you'll have no time to unpack until your next day off. Like I said backwards."

"Being stuck here an extra night isn't so bad," he gave her a positively suggestive look but she just laughed.

"So, you're blaming bad planning on ulterior motives, that's it?"

"Yep," he grinned and slurped his beer.

"So what are you cooking me tonight?"

"Take out?" he gave her an optimistic look.

"Hey, I helped you move your stuff..."

"Two boxes.." he interrupted.

"And I helped with the two boxes. I think you owe me this risotto you so love to make and eat. What type was it anyway?"

"Butternut squash," he wrinkled his nose as she laughed.

"Now that I have to try," she used his leg as leverage to push herself out of her seat. "What do you need?"

"Red onion, risotto rice, a butternut squash, vegetable stock, parsley, white wine, peas...some asparagus...Parmesan"

"Oh," she frowned, "so we have none of that stuff in our fridge or cupboards."

"I'll go pick it up," he shrugged easily. If he could cook for Joey, that would be perfect, much better than take out.

"Ok... Pace?" she looked pensive. He loved the way she called him Pace. Talk about a turn on.

"Jo?"

"If Andie's here tonight, where are you planning to sleep?"

"Oh," his face fell. "Um..."

"Backward planning like I said," she looked positively triumphant.

"Enough with the gleeful triumph and help me work this out. I really don't want to go back home with the folks. Have you guys got a blow up mattress I could sleep on?" he spoke whilst grabbing his wallet and some reusable bags from the kitchen, Joey walking with him.

"No," she shook her head.

"I'm not sharing the couch with anyone but you," he stated with a determined look. "I guess it's home I go. Maybe Jack could stay with Doug?"

"I wouldn't think so if they're getting back late. How late is late anyway?"

"Jack said ten, but Doug said that meant midnight," Pacey shrugged, disappointed that his evening with Joey was now blighted by his lack of sleeping options. "I'll just sleep on the floor at my new place. I know Jack has a sleeping bag. It's only one night," he brightened considerably with his new plan. At least his evening with Joey was safe.

"You are keen to avoid home, huh?" she appraised him carefully.

"And keen to spend time with you," he shrugged easily as they trundled down the stairs.

"Pacey," she warned him.

"I like you, so shoot me," he rolled his eyes and hooked his arm through hers.

"You are fun to be around," she conceded.

"Well of course," he wrinkled his nose and led them into a small grocers, grabbed a basket and began to fill it.

"Modest too," she chuckled throwing in a bar of chocolate.

"Well, let's look at the facts. Jack is my best friend - he's fun. You're pretty cool and you're my friend. Why would all these fun and cool people hang out with me if I wasn't fun and cool too?"

"Like I said, modest," she arched her brows and hip checked him.

"Just stating the facts," he chose some parsley.

"And sounding immensely cocky at the same time."

"Mheh," he shrugged easily and gave her a quick grin. "So let's pay for this and then head to the liquor store at the end of the street for the wine?"

"Sounds great! And before we drink too much wine we should do your ikea list."

"If you're sure," Pacey was keen to check out Joey's taste as he had not been privy to her room yet.

They paid for the groceries, stopped by the liquor store where Pacey was ID'd much to his embarrassment. And with the sound of Joey's gentle mocking in his ears they pushed back into her apartment where she promptly went to her room and got her laptop before joining him in the kitchen to watch him chop vegetables as she started his ikea list.

As Pacey reeled off types of bookshelf and leaned over her shoulder to choose a table, a desk for his office, a couch, chairs, bed, mattress and coffee table it seemed to him that despite the odd debate between this item and that item, he and Joey were mostly in accord. But when he said he was done she looked at him scathingly,

"You're such a man," she grumbled.

"Yes, I know," he smirked back at her, delighted with her irritation.

"What about, I don't know, plates to eat off, cutlery to eat with, pans to cook with, mugs for coffee, a kettle to boil water..."

"Oh, yeah. I guess I would have just chosen all that there."

"And how about something to make the place yours?"

"Like what?" he asked after pouring her a glass of wine and chucking half a bottle in the risotto.

"Blankets, cushions..."

"Ok, good plan. I'll choose stuff when I'm there."

"Do you have sheets and towels?"

"Nothing nice," he frowned again. "Please come with me?" he pleaded at length stirring at his risotto.

"I can't," she stated.

"Why not? You're not working," he was pleading and he knew it. Her face softened slightly and she gave his cheeks a patronizing squeeze,

"You'll do fine! I'm going home for the morning if you must know."

"And where's home?" he was immediately captivated by the tidbit of news.

"Down the coast a little," she focused on finding plates and cutlery.

"Down the coast where? Way to go on the specifics," he was teasing because he knew from experience he was unlikely to get much from her.

"A little town called Capeside. Most people haven't heard of it. It's a pretty little seaside town, with a nice boardwalk and a nice beach. That's about it."

"And your family?" he could literally see her closing down.

"Yep," she nodded as she set the table.

"Well you're going to miss all the fun, and a delicious cinnamon roll."

"Hmmm," her head snapped to look at him, "you make a great point. Never mind my planned trip home, I'm heading to ikea for a cinnamon roll," she narrowed her eyes in sarcastic triumph.

"Ha ha," he spooned her out some risotto having put the grated Parmesan on the table.

"This looks good."

"It is," he assured her.

"And after all the work I did on your list, especially the printing out of it in store order - I think you can manage to bring me a cinnamon roll home!"

"Well since you asked so nicely," he grinned wishing their dinner was a date. It felt like a date except of course it so definitely wasn't. She'd told Jack she wouldn't date him and yet the vibe between them was so strong. He was desperate to touch her - desperate.

They ate with easy conversation and teasing, and plenty of wine and when they were done they headed to the couch to eat the chocolate.

"How are you still awake Jo?" Pacey asked.

"I'm not entirely sure, I haven't slept in over twenty four hours and I've worked a twelve hour shift," she promptly yawned and he chuckled.

"I know how you feel," he yawned as well.

"I feel bad with you sleeping on the floor," she sighed with heavy eyes.

"I could always share your bed," he teased, "after all we've been sharing the couch all week," she turned to look at him with an odd expression and he immediately regretted the flirtatious tease. "I was kidding Jo." She looked at him and frowned a little.

"You could. Platonically of course. I mean it's true, we've slept together on this couch," she shrugged easily.

"You mean I'd get to see your room!"

"My room is not exactly special."

"Well I wouldn't know," he grinned.

"Look I'm shattered so I'm going to head through the bathroom and to bed. If you promise not to wake me, you can share," she gave him an easy shrug apparently oblivious to his pounding heart and rock hard cock,

"Sure," the word came out a little strangled but she didn't seem to notice, "thanks. I'll probably come to bed now - won't wake you then," he remained sitting waiting for her to head to the bathroom so he could try and get himself under control. He wasn't sure sharing her bed was such a good idea. How on earth would he manage to not touch her when touching her was all he wanted to do? And even if his conscious self managed restraint, would his subconscious self fare so well? But then on the other hand, how could he knock an opportunity to spend the night in the bed of the girl he loved? No not loved, he reprimanded himself. But then no other word seemed to quite encapsulate how he felt about her.

"Argh," he moaned softly, surprised by a soft laugh from the doorway. "Joey," he breathed her name, standing on automatic. She looked gorgeous in her flannel pj pants and white vest.

"You ok?" she gave him a concerned look.

"Absolutely," he stood in front of her, too close. He knew he was too close but couldn't seem to be further away. "Ummm...just going to go through the bathroom..." He didn't move, couldn't seem to move. "I like your um...reindeers."

"My reindeers?" her eyes hadn't left his.

"Yeah," he ran a hand across her hip, his fingers brushing the fabric.

"Yeah..." she bit her lip and he groaned - out loud.

"I'm going...to the umm...yeah..." he squeezed her hip softly and she exhaled, warm breath onto his neck and he groaned again, before pushing past her.

* * *

It took a cold shower to calm himself enough to make it to the door of Joey's bedroom. Several deep breathes, a tap on the door and he slowly opened the door. His eyes skipped the room entirely and landed on Joey who was sat up in bed with Cats Cradle. He stared at her as she looked to him.

"Hey," she smiled that soft smile and he looked around the room to distract from the complete rush of desire.

"So ummm your room..." he searched for something to say about it but came up short. There were about three tall white bookcases along one wall filled with books. A white dresser, with some makeup and perfume on top and a wardrobe. Aside from her bed made up with white sheets that was it. "Where is the you in this room?"

"Excuse me?" she arched a brow.

"You know the embarrassing photos, the mementos and keepsakes? The nostalgic memorabilia?"

"None of that I'm afraid, though there is a graduation photo tucked into the side of my mirror," she smirked.

"Ok, your books," he perused her bookshelves, "so you're a fan of the classics..."

"For sure."

"And pretty much everything else..."

"I'm not a book snob. I'll read anything and everything, though I do favour the classics."

"Ooh..I'll admit I'm a total book snob," he chuckled.

"Well you're missing out."

"Sure I am. There is enough badly written drivel in this world but there is even more that is well written and actually enriches the brain."

"You're missing the point. I obviously favour those books that contribute to the brain and the soul, but sometimes I just want to be entertained. I really want to just forget everything else."

"So you read drivel?"

"You can't complain about a book, or form a proper argument against the author if you haven't read it."

"So I should read this?" he held up a copy of Twilight.

"Hmmm that..." she thought for a moment, "I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. I read it fast enough," she patted the bed and he moved over and sat on top of the covers. "No in the bed, that will just annoy me." Hesitantly Pacey pulled back the covers and slipped in beside her, oh but it felt wonderfully intimate.

"So I should read it?"

"The story is ok I suppose," she said at length, "but she goes for the wrong guy. Read it and see if you agree, though you'll have to read all four books."

"Four books?" He frowns.

"Yep," she nodded with a smile.

"Ok," he nodded and settling beside her, he opened the book. "I'm not sure I can do it," he said at length and she elbowed him.

"Ignore what you don't like and just get into the story."

"Fine, but let me remind you I have given you the wonderful experience of a truly wonderful author...you've given me this," he shook the book at her.

"Suck it Pace," she smirked before putting her book down.

"You want to turn off the light?"

"You read," she lay down on her side, her face and body turned toward him.

"No I'll sleep with you," he told her and then blushed furiously at his double entendre.

"Hmmm, sounds fun," she teased with a sleepy smile.

"Don't tempt me," he lay down beside her.

"Light off Pace," she whispered.

"It's next to you," he complained.

"Hmmm," she smiled with her eyes closed.

"High maintenance," he muttered reaching over her for the switch, his body blissfully pressing against hers. As he flopped back onto his side of the bed he couldn't resist trailing his hand across her. She sighed as he tucked his arms under her clean smelling sheets. It was ludicrous just how alert and unsleepy he was. His fingers were literally itching to touch her, they were desperate for her and she was lying there warm and soft and right next to him, so, so close. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of her, she was incredibly beautiful. Her skin was smooth, her cheekbones delightfully arched, her brows perfect and her lips - those lips. He stared at her eyes, the long lashes spayed across the warm tan of her skin. When her eyes opened he jumped.

"Didn't mean to scare you but I can feel you staring," she reached between them and took his hand, moving it to her hip. "That better?" she whispered with a look that left him breathless. He merely squeezed her hip and nodded his fingers flicking her vest out the way and running across the tight smooth skin of her stomach. Without being able to stop himself he bent his head and pressed his lips to the warm curve of her neck. He kissed her skin softly before just breathing against that warm skin. Her breathing was deep, and whilst she didn't touch him, she didn't push him away. His body moved of it's own accord and pressed up tight against her. He knew she could feel how much he wanted her, but he had to be close to her, it was absolutely necessary. His legs entwined with hers and his hand tugged at her hip pulling her closer still, an involuntary groan rumbling against her skin.

"I want you," he breathed the words, his hand venturing to her ass, another kiss pressed to her neck.

"I know," she moved ever so slightly against him. He pulled her even closer kissing her neck again. "This is ok, but just friends Pace, please just friends."

He couldn't answer immediately because goddamned tears stung at his eyes. "Just friends," he agreed at length but kissed her neck again because she'd said it was ok, his hips moved against her without his say so and she let out a soft moan.

"Pace," that one word, his name on her lips and he moved his lips to hers. For one beautiful second his lips and hers united but then she moved her head and so he turned his lips back to her neck where they were apparently permitted. His hand traced her soft skin, up under her tank until it collided with the soft, curve of her chest, creating a feeling in him so strong that he buried his face against her fighting against the three little words that still desperately wanted out of him. "Sleep now," she told him and so he lay with her, his face buried against her neck, his hand up her shirt and his obvious hard on pressed against her until eventually, he somehow drifted off with her soft breathing as a lullaby.

* * *

Pacey awoke when Joey shifted away from him, his hand trailing out from under her top, his hips and his still significant hard on being released from it's close proximity to her body.

"No," he protested and tugged at her hip.

"I have to go," she put her hand on his and removed it from her hip.

"No," he murmured again and pushed his hand against hers until he managed to regain her hip.

"I've got to get going," she repeated but she didn't move and actually moaned as his hand trailed up under her top, over her ribs, across her chest, his fingers brushing her nipple.

"Joey," Pacey groaned and his hips bucked against her, "I want you."

"So you keep saying, but I really have to go."

"It's still the middle of the night," he protested and trailed his hand down and round to the curve of her ass, slipping it under the waist band of her pjs and onto the smooth, silky skin.

"It's seven," she told him. "I have to go."

"Really?" he couldn't help the puppy dog eyes.

"Pacey, we discussed this yesterday," she attempted despite the fact that his hand was on her bare ass.

"Friends, I know, friends," he whispered.

"And I do have to go."

"Do you want to?" he asked.

"Of course not," she moved against him - it was bliss.

"Good," he growled slightly.

"But I have to."

"No you don't," he pleaded.

"I really do," and she disengaged from him and slipped out of her bed. She grabbed a packed bag from in her closet and fished out some clothes from her drawers, Pacey watching her all the while. She turned at the door,

"Thanks for the first solid nights sleep in a really long time."

"Anytime Potter," he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"See you later," she smiled.

"For sure," he nodded before burying himself in bed as the door shut behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Whoever was knocking at his door was not patient, they were hammering as if their lives depending on it. Holding his ikea instructions and hammer in one hand he pulled open the door.

"Please say I can come hang out?" Joey was stood there looking harassed.

"You any good at Ikea furniture construction, or just the shopping for it part?" Pacey held out the instructions to her.

"I'm awesome at Ikea furniture," she grinned and took the instructions from him, crouching on the floor beside his half constructed chair and immediately getting to work. "I absolutely love building furniture - well furniture with instructions."

"Why the enthusiastic banging?" he asked watching her work. Her brown hair was scooped back into a scruffy ponytail, she was wearing just a black tank top and a pair of sweats and her face was a picture of concentration. His heart ached.

"Oh...um...let's just say I find Andie a...challenge," she smiled at him.

"In all honesty, so do I," he chuckled.

"I wanted to like her, for Jack, but after what you told me and, well she's just so damn perky. This morning she cheered and squeaked at me before I'd even had my coffee. Nobody without a death wish does that."

"Need your coffee first thing, huh?" he smirked.

"Surely you've noticed that? One cup and I'll communicate, two and I'll be nice about it," she didn't look at him as she grabbed the screwdriver and began screwing in the teeny tiny screws that had bothered him so.

"You done this before?" he asked rhetorically grabbing a couple of diet cokes from the fridge and putting one beside her.

"Oh I've constructed a ton of ikea furniture," she started pushing the chair this way and that, "these chairs are fun because of the colour but a real bitch to construct!" They were bright red, Pacey's favourite colour.

"When did you do all this construction?" he asked with a chuckle at the exertion it took to snap the bits of the chair into place.

"Oh, a while ago," she said dismissively. "let's do the table and then another chair," she said with a glare at the offending three chairs still in their packets.

"I've also got my bed and about four bookshelves to do," he smiled at her angelically.

"I'll build, but you cook me dinner," she bargained.

"Sure, sure," he agreed readily. "what do you want? I can do stuffed peppers or vegetarian spaghetti?"

"Oooh, decisions," she stopped what she was doing and quirked her head to the side. "Stuffed peppers," she announced decisively.

"Good choice," Pacey moved to the counter and began pulling ingredients out of the fridge. "How was Capeside?" he looked at her but her facial expression remained the same,

"Oh, ok," she shrugged.

"Nice to catch up with family?"

"It was ok," she repeated. "The weather was nice. I went rowing on the creek even though it's about minus five."

"Crazy girl," he took the hint that he wasn't going to be privy to her home life.

"Can I ask you a question?" she sounded unsure of herself.

"Anything," Pacey carried on washing and chopping, putting some rice on the go.

"You...and Andie...I don't really get it," she frowned slightly. "I'm just trying to work it out."

"Why?" Pacey asked with a chuckle and watched Joey tense up.

"Sometimes people confuse me ok? You're so down to earth, so easy going and so nice," she had stopped working but then started again with renewed enthusiasm, "I mean Andie - she really does think doctors are superior to nurses, she said as much to Jack, her own brother! She also seems really stressy and kind of out there..."

"God it was so long ago," Pacey paused in his chopping. "I don't really know what creates chemistry but sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't," he tried to explain.

"So you and Andie have chemistry?" she clarified.

"Had," Pacey quickly asserted.

"Had?" again with the frown, "but if chemistry comes and goes, well how does anybody manage to stay together?"

"Wow, tough questions. I don't know. I suppose I think Andie and I were young. We were 15 and she was bright and sunny, the sister of my best friend, I suppose that was enough. We had enough zing between us to make it work for a while, but I guess it can wear off. And just because chemistry does fade doesn't mean it will."

"So what about your other girlfriends?"

"You sure you don't want to date me, cos you're awful interested," he teased watching the flush creep over her face.

"It's fine, never mind.. I was being nosy, it doesn't matter..."

"Chill out Potter," Pacey interrupted with a chuckle. "Contrary to popular belief I haven't had that many girlfriends, now hold on," Pacey wanted to continue but Joey looked on the verge of interrupting, "I really haven't. Andie in high school and Audrey in college. Well Miss Jacobs too but I don't think she really counts, we weren't exactly on first name terms after all," Pacey mused and was surprised by Joeys laugh.

"No I shouldn't think she counts," she agreed still chuckling. "And I guess the 'escapades' Jack's so fond of telling us about, they don't count?"

"Oh boy," Pacey let out a big sigh. He loved Jack, he really did, but the guy had an enormous mouth. "The way I see it is there are three types of chemistry," he drained the rice as Joey turned the completed table right side up and moved on to her next chair.

"Three?" she raised her brows.

"Yeah, physical chemistry where the lust goes crazy - they're casual sex, personality chemistry where you just get on so well - they're your best friend and then chemistry with both - they're your everything. You marry the person with both types," he shrugged easily all the while feeling that somehow Joey was type 3. He reminded himself, yet again, that he was just getting to know her.

"That was very concise and sounds likely," she nodded. "That's if you believe in chemistry."

"You don't believe in chemistry?" Pacey was incredulous - how could she not be feeling what he felt? How could she not feel the electric pull between them that was both physical and emotional. It was over whelming him entirely and yet she seemed to be wholly unaffected. Would life really be that unfair? Then again, she had just known that Pacey needed to touch her the previous night. She had put his hands on her.

"I think Hollywood and novels and magazines want us to believe in all that but I just don't buy it. I think you work at a relationship and when one person stops working at it, it will all fall apart, or drift apart! Because after all not everything collapses," she stopped working for a moment and took a long drink of her diet coke. Pacey considered this for a moment,

"Is that what happened to you?" he asked softly and he saw the shock register before she smiled gamely and joked,

"Nothing happened to me Pace," she looked down at the floor. "I just think about things too much. I over think things."

"Well I for one believe in chemistry," Pacey proclaimed glibly.

"You do, huh?" she was teasing.

"Yeah, but I also believe what you say. There are times over the course of a relationship where you need to work on it, get the magic back and that's where love plays a part."

"I could see my way to that being true," she nodded and pushed the completed chair under the table.

"You are very good at constructing furniture," Pacey praised as he put the peppers into the oven.

"And I'm hoping your cooking wasn't a one hit wonder," she smirked. "Now if you're done for a second we need to go make your bed together," she headed off for his bedroom. Pacey couldn't help but wish she were headed there for a different reason.

* * *

They nearly fell out constructing the bed. Pacey wasn't organized according to Joey and he was messing with her systems. He was there to listen and do as asked she had informed him archly. He tried but it was fun to get her all worked up. After two glasses of wine, dinner, endless banter, another glass of wine and a lot of conversation, and then another hour, the bed was constructed and then with some considerable effort they heaved the king sized mattress onto the frame.

"That's the heaviest damn mattress ever," Joey complained flopping back onto the bed in exhaustion. Pacey fell back onto the bed beside her, both of them breathing heavily from the exertion.

"Thanks Jo," he murmured mesmerised by the slope of her forehead, the slant of her cheekbone, the shape of her eyes, the smell of her, the nearness of her. He was a magnet and she was his polar opposite and like the opposite poles of a magnet they were drawn together. Her mouth called for his to kiss it. Her eyes dropped shut and then opened staring at him, blatantly holding his, openly looking at the different emotions written across his stormy eyes. His whole body throbbed with a bone deep longing for her. Without conscious thought he brought his hand to her face and his finger traced the soft skin in a line down her cheekbone, over her plump lip and then down her bare arm. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hand came to rest on the soft hollow of her waist next to the gorgeous swell of her hip. She didn't protest. Pacey could scarcely breathe, could scarcely think but he calmed his mind, took pleasure in the act of holding her and touching her without dwelling on what he really wanted, what his body desperately wanted. And strangely it was enough. The fact that they were lying face to face on his bed, his hand resting on her was just about perfect.

"I could just fall asleep," she sighed and he moved closer to her, close like they had been the night before, and then he pressed his face against her again, to the warmth and sweet smelling curve of her neck, his lips placing a kiss on her soft skin.

"I'm not surprised," he responded and then kissed her again.

"I should go," she said softly but didn't move. Pacey's fingers twitched at the material of her tank until they found bare skin where upon they began to trace patterns across the silky softness. She sighed and stretched slightly, and so he allowed his hand to move across her back, and to the lace of her bra, before trailing down and resting just under the edge of her sweats, holding her close to him.

When the knocking on the door began 5 minutes later she didn't stir and he realised she must have fallen asleep. He removed his hand with great reluctance and she shifted, her eyes opening.

"Hey...did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah," he smiled softly.

"Oh wow, I'm tired," she yawned as the knocking began again, his hand somehow finding it's way back to the soft sliver of skin in that wonderful hollow.

"That's why I woke you," he explained indicating the knocking with a nod of his head. He wanted to kiss her, and so he kissed that one place she seemed happy for him to.

"This mattress is a really nice mattress," she closed her eyes again briefly. The knocking began again and then a plaintive voice called,

"Pacey Witter I know you're in there somewhere, come out and say hello!"

"Andie," Pacey and Joey said in unison and then laughed.

"She only wants you, I can stay and sleep," she teased. They stared at one another for several prolonged moments.

"Pacey...and Joey, wow, well... Hmmm," Andie was stood in the doorway to Pacey's room, "when you said you had to go out, well I didn't realise you and Pacey were seeing each other..."

"I hadn't answered the door," Pacey pointed out. "It's customary to wait until someone lets you in," Pacey hated that Joey sat up rubbing her eyes, his hand falling from the bare skin of her waist.

"We're not seeing each other Andie," she explained, "we're friends that's all. I was helping put the furniture together. The bed was hard work," she rolled her eyes looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Uh huh," Andie stated with disbelief looking utterly hurt. Pacey sighed,

"Even if we were seeing each other, what's the issue?" He was livid.

"Well you could have warned me."

"Why? Because we dated in high school?"

"I still care about you Pacey, I still wonder what might have been," she was tearing up.

"I think this is my cue to leave," Joey looked painfully uncomfortable. "Thanks for dinner Pace," she kissed his cheek. Pacey practically died on the spot, she kissed him. Oh boy, she kissed him. As Joey headed out Andie muttered,

"You are ridiculous Pacey Witter."

* * *

"You're a mean woman Potter, walking out and leaving me like that yesterday," Pacey claimed when their paths crossed at the hospital the following day.

"Not my ex-girlfriend, not my problem," Joey teased with a smirk.

"I'll have you know she wouldn't leave until after one in the morning," Pacey grumbled.

"Oh I got dagger eyes this morning. Apparently she just doesn't buy it that nothing is 'going on.' She also found further derogatory comments to make about my profession of choice - skilfully articulated I will admit."

"I'm sorry about that Jo," he was stood close to her. She was adorable in her scrubs. "Sailboats today, huh?" he fingered the short sleeve of her top, his voice low.

"I liked the colours," she flushed, it was too damn easy.

"I'd like to take you sailing one day," he told her softly and when she looked ready to protest he continued, "we'll get Jen and Jack, Dougy, make a picnic."

"I've never been sailing," she couldn't seem to look at his eyes.

"And you grew up down the coast," his fingers moved from the sleeve of her top to the soft skin of her arm and she let out a soft exhalation of air.

"No real chance I guess," she shrugged and with a shiver took a step back. "See you later, Doctor Witter," and she was gone.

* * *

Later that night the door to his apartment burst open without even a knock and Joey rushed in looking beyond frantic, storming straight up to him and practically climbed up his body and into his arms. Today was looking like it might be a great day he decided.

"There's a rat," she squealed, "I...I.."

"It's ok Potter, it's not gonna get you here," Pacey teased lightly, his arms wrapped around her, his warm breath against her neck.

"But it was big and huge and wondering around our apartment," she squeezed him.

"Have you seen any sign of rats?" he asked calmly.

"Of course not, otherwise I wouldn't be there," she cringed and gingerly removed herself from his arms, "sorry I got kind of freaked out there, I'm not a fan of rodents. Spiders I can do, but those horrible yucky tails, no way," she shook her head shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

"So shall we go take a look together?" Pacey watched her expression change from calm to panic in a second.

"No way, not now, not ever," she backed away from the door and toward him again. Pacey was not unhappy with this turn of events. "You have to get rid of it," she stated.

"Me?" Pacey squeaked.

"You. Jack and Doug are out with Andie, Jen's on the night shift, so you have to get rid if it.."

"Oh I forgot about that," Pacey hadn't forgotten at all, he'd secretly been hoping for some time with Joey.

"Pacey - the rat," she eyed the door nervously.

"Ok Potter," he relented and taking her hand dragged her reluctantly across the hall not really thinking about the rodent, more about he feel of her hand in his and how natural it felt. "Where was it?"

"Kitchen," she was shaking and clinging to his back as they headed into the kitchen, and there sat on the floor munching on a dropped chip was that bastard rat. Pacey wasn't proud of what happened next but he'd never actually seen a rat, in an apartment, nor had the girl of his dreams clinging to his hand in fear. Pacey screamed, properly screamed and holding tightly to Joeys hand ran from the apartment, slamming its door, dragged her into his apartment and slammed that door too.

"So, you're staying here tonight," he announced solemnly and Joey nodded, peeing herself laughing,

"Too right I am," she agreed still laughing and clinging to him.

"Sorry about the whole screaming like a little girl bit," Pacey bit his lip embarrassed.

"First, you screamed like a man, second, gender doesn't dictate irrational fear," she was still laughing.

"Well you could stop laughing about now," he pouted.

"Sure, I could," she grinned. "Please tell me you have something to drink, I think I've got shock."

"Do you need a doctor to check you over?" Pacey smirked.

"I think I'll cope but only if you've got something to drink?" she flopped onto his new couch and curled her feet up under her.

"Just tequila," he shrugged.

"What kind of drink is that for a grown man to have?"

"It was a gift I was bringing to your party next weekend," Pacey rolled his eyes.

"It'll do," Joey shrugged carelessly. "Just soon please."

"Sure thing Potter. Would you like some dinner? I was thinking some Mexican to go with the tequila? I have enchiladas half made?"

"Is there no end to what you can cook?" Joey rolled her eyes.

"None at all," Pacey was unabashed as he got out the tequila and put it on the coffee table (that Joey had built) and added salt and lemon. Then without meaning to, but actually completely on purpose he set the table with candles.

Joey appraised him through narrowed eyes.

"This isn't a date you know," she clarified.

"I know because you don't date." Pacey nodded.

"Do I have to find somewhere else to hang out?" she asked as he lit the candles.

"Joey, I like to set a mood when I make the effort to cook," he grumbled.

"Sure," she murmured with a grin. "Can I help?"

"Yeah chop these," he handed her a red onion.

"I cry like a baby when I chop onions," she shook her head and reached for the peppers.

"You are one high maintenance lady," Pacey teased.

"Hey, you were as scared of the rat as me!"

"I was, huh!"

"How am I ever going to sleep in there," she frowned looking horrified.

"You can stay here like I said," Pacey reminded her oh so casually.

"Sure," she smiled that little smile of hers.

"My mattress is really comfy I've been told and I'll take the couch," he nudged her shoulder. "Though..." he allowed the implied insinuation. After all they'd shared a bed the previous night.

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Well I'd rather share the bed..."

"Pacey!"

"Just sayin',"

"Anything else to just say?" Joey arched a brow.

"Yeah, you look beautiful and when you're scared of rats you're fucking gorgeous," he grinned unrepentant.

"Ok, so I have a game. You're on the night shift shift tomorrow right?"

"You know my shifts?" he interrupted his eyes shining in triumph.

"Somehow you've managed it so we share nearly every shift," she rolled her eyes.

"So you were saying?" Pacey watched her move the tequila and bits to the table.

"Well maybe we should make the tequila a forfeit," she looked down at the table and poured a couple of shots.

"A forfeit?"

"Every time you treat this like a date, you drink," she smirked.

"And when do you drink?" he asked.

"Up to you," she sat down and leant back in her chair to await his decision. The possibilities steamed through Paceys head - he couldn't mess this up.

"Ok... So let's say you drink every time you refuse to properly answer a question or avoid answering altogether!" that was perfect for the elusive Joey Potter.

"That's pretty good," she smiled at him as he began to fry up the onions he'd finished chopping. With a sigh she began on the peppers making Pacey chuckle,

"No you're pretty," it was out before Pacey could stop himself because she really was incredibly pretty and someone that pretty aught to be told. Without hesitation Joey handed him a shot.

"It was worth it," he grinned as he threw it back.

"I'm starving," Joey shot a look toward the food.

"Then chop faster... And try eating lunch sometimes. There's 3 meals in a day for a reason."

"There's never time to eat lunch," Joey wrinkled her nose.

"There's never time because you're too dedicated," he explained.

"That's ridiculous - how can a nurse be described as too dedicated," she laughed.

"So maybe that's the wrong word... But you find it hard to let go," he attempted.

"And so do you," she responded. "And that's why you're a brilliant doctor and I'm a brilliant nurse," she summarised.

"You think I'm a brilliant doctor?" Pacey asked and then cringed at the ridiculous girl on a date tone he'd used, reached for the bottle and poured another shot without being told.

"I think you're having to forfeit far more than I," Joey smirked as Pacey began to assemble the enchiladas.

"That's only because I haven't asked any questions yet," he told her as he turned on the oven.

"So ask away," she attempted bravado.

"Do you like living with Jen and Jack?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Do you think Jack and Doug will move in together?"

"Eventually, yeah, " she nodded again.

"You never think of becoming a doctor?" he wanted her to open up, he needed her to get on the tequila. He popped dinner in the oven and sat down at the table with her. She was so gorgeous, he didn't get how she got to be that damn beautiful, especially in her slobby clothes. He would be destroyed if she ever dressed up. She was wearing old jeans and a hoody and he was desperate for her.

"Yes I did," she nodded yet again.

"Why didn't you? It's no secret how smart you are, and I've seen your scores," he inched his hand across the table and his finger landed on hers. She pulled her hand away and poured him another shot.

"I wanted to be a nurse," she answered shortly.

"Why don't you sleep?" he asked.

"I do sleep."

"Don't deliberately misunderstand my questions. You know what I mean, Jo. Why do you find it hard to sleep?" he stared at her and she stared back and then reached for the tequila.

"As fun as I think you drunk would be, I wish you'd answer the question."

"Not everyone likes everyone to know everything," Joey explained with an easy going shrug.

"Does anyone know why you don't sleep?"

"No," Joey grinned.

"Where's all the you in your room?" She drank again and he rolled his eyes. "So tell me more about you - you said you grew up in some small town down the coast?" his damn fingers had found hers again - those pesky appendages. Sighing he reached for the bottle. He and Jen had gone for a drink the previous week. They had quickly become good friends. Jen seemed as keen for Joey to date Pacey as Pacey was. Unfortunately insight didn't come from hanging out with Joeys friends - he already knew she was complicated

"I grew up in Capeside, its about an hour away by train," she frowned fleetingly, then smiled, "how are you finding life back in your home town?"

"There's good and bad," he shrugged, "Jack and my siblings are here- thats good, Andie visits Jack - that's less good. "

"True," she laughed and Pacey wished that she could always be laughing.

"So what was Capeside like? Was it a nice place to grow up?"

"I suppose it was ok. Like I said, it was beautiful. It was a small town and unfortunately with small towns there are often there are small minds," she shrugged and looked longingly towards the oven. Pacey was amazed she was telling him so much.

"You have brothers and sisters?" he asked and she coughed uncomfortably.

"Um yeah a sister," she smiled sweetly, "what about you? Tell me more about your 'siblings?'"

"Well there's Dougy as you know, and my big sisters Gretchen, Anna and Carrie. I was the accident on the end!" he wasn't bothered about that anymore.

"That used to bother you by any chance?" she asked astutely.

"Of course," he smiled graciously. "Ask Jack. No one understood me, my parents hated me... Well of course my dad does actually hate me, " he acknowledged.

"I know your dads a bit heavy with the non verbals and grumpy, but he hates you?" a queer little frown was all over her beautiful face and so Pacey tried to be glib,

"My dad hates everyone," he shrugged.

"But how could anyone hate you?" it was such a sincere question that Paceys heart literally melted. This girl would absolutely finish him, he was sure.

"Believe me toots, I wasn't always this loveable!" he gave her a smile.

"I find that hard to believe?" she frowned again.

"You think I'm loveable?" again with the ridiculously girly tone. Pacey sighed and poured another shot.

"I exchanged loveable for likeable in my head, but yeah, I think you're extremely likeable. You seem like a positive guy," she leant back in her chair.

"It's hard to be upbeat when someone always puts you down," Pacey glared at his food.

"Your dad sounds like an ass," Joey squeezed his hand.

"He is. He absolutely is," Pacey couldn't agree more.

"So what motivated you if he didn't?" she asked.

"Well I suppose he did in a way. He put me down so I wanted to prove myself, and I did. But it stopped being about him somewhere along the way and I was proving it more to myself and as I proved it to myself my naturally sunny disposition found its way home," he smiled and she smiled back. Pacey wanted her so badly.

"I can understand that," Joey nodded and her eyes glazed over. Pacey watched her as she wallowed in her own thoughts for several moments.

"What are you thinking about?" Pacey asked startling Joey from her thoughts. There was no way to lie, so she poured herself another shot.

"What are you scared will happen if you open up?" Pacey frowned.

"That all the things I believe to be true will actually be true. At the moment I keep going because I can fantasise that I'm wrong," she seemed ill at ease and she began to fidget. Pacey realised he was screwing it up- he needed her happy, light and so he smiled a her,

"I have a fantasy I could share," he teased suggestively, but not seriously and whilst she appreciated the change of subject she poured him another shot.

"You're losing badly," she smirked.

"We'll see," he smirked back. "What do your parents do?" he asked after a mouthful.

"Damn you," she poured another shot.

"Seriously Potter, I wasn't even trying, that's like the most innocuous question in the world!"

"That depends upon what your parents do," she answered rather haughtily.

"Are you in touch with them?"

"My mom is dead, so no not really and my father... Hmmm, that's a definite no," she rolled her eyes for no reason other than the way he was staring at her.

"When did your mom die?"

"When I was 13. She had cancer. I guess that's part of why I'm a nurse, before you ask," Joey answered with a smirk. Pacey smiled back, the many tequilas beginning to blur his mind. For several moments he just smiled at her. Then he remembered dinner and went to check on it. He put the steaming dish on a mat on the table.

"Thank god," she breathed in the aroma.

"No, thank Pacey!" he corrected, happy to hear her laugh again. "So you left Capeside when?"

"Pacey," she chided and poured herself a shot beginning to feel the buzz of the alcohol in her veins.

"You don't want to tell me when you left?" Pacey couldn't understand it.

"This is partly why I don't date," Joey tried to explain.

"Forget about dating for a moment - you have friends Joey, surely you share stuff with them?" he watched her reaction and for several moments she seemed to think about it,

"Actually no I don't," she frowned slightly, "Jen and Jack know I have a sister... And the Capeside stuff I guess."

"Don't they ask you stuff?"

"I'm a better listener than talker. Jen and I discuss feelings without the specifics and Jack and I paint."

"Jack paints?" Pacey squeaked and it occurred to Joey that he really was rather adorable.

"Jack and I paint together," she confirmed. "And we talk but not about all that."

"What do you talk about?" Pacey felt bizarrely jealous.

"Sometimes we talk about you," she smiled.

"Me?" again with the squeak.

"Yeah... He thinks I should date you!"

"You should listen to the man," Pacey told her and pushed her hand away as he helped himself to the shot he deserved.

"But Pacey I don't date," she rolled her eyes.

"If you did, would you date me?" give me hope women, he thought, but Joey just helped herself to a shot.

"I think you're lovely, if that helps," she told him softly her words slightly slurred.

"I think you're beyond lovely," he reached for her hand again and then sighing took another shot. "Look, so you don't date.. I respect that."

"We are friends," she interrupted. "I really, really like being your friend."

"We were slightly more than just friends last night," he stared her down.

"What can I say? I find you attractive and you were staring at me," she wrinkled her nose.

"That's your excuse?" he gave her a look, well aware that he was flirting.

"You agreed that we were just friends."

"I did," he nodded.

"I didn't think you'd sleep unless you touched me," she bit her lip and gave him a cheeky look. "But just friends."

Pacey couldn't help but scowl.

"Well ok, so we're friends... I want to be better friends."

"We can be better friends... Provided when we hang out you accept it's not a date," she told him.

"I can accept it," he agreed readily, "but you have to accept that even if we're friends it doesn't change the fact that I think you're gorgeous and that sometimes I feel the need to tell you so!"

"Fine," she agreed though somewhat reluctantly.

"And I want to know more about you," he could see the alcohol had relaxed her and thanked the stars for tequila. He watched her face undergo a multitude of minuscule changes as she thought about that.

"I'll give you three questions," she said at length and took a mouthful of food moaning in delight.

"Fuck," Pacey muttered as he body responded forcefully to the noise.

"Three questions Pace," Joey smirked as if she knew exactly the effect she had on him.

"Oh wow, ok, yeah," Pacey couldn't believe his luck as Joey had a shot for the hell of it.

"You're cute when you're flustered," she smiled.

"You're always cute," he told her flippantly but meaning every word. The greater part of his brain was trying to wade through tequila for the right questions.

"So..." she took another bite of her dinner moaning again softly. "This is so, so good," she murmured. That was a good sign. He knew he had to think carefully. He wanted to get to know her and he wanted her to have fun, so it didn't want too go deep. On the other hand he didn't want to go too shallow. He and Joey had been working and living together for just over a couple of weeks and he now knew she gave very little away despite how fun and intriguing she was, and no matter how much she got him to give away.

"Ok... Your sister," sisters were usually a good starting point, "tell me about her?"

"That's more of a discussion point than a question!"Joey teased.

"Humour me," Pacey chuckled.

"Bessie is like six years older than me and acts more like my mother than my sister. Obviously she was older when my mom died so she practically raised me. She's annoying as hell, but she would do anything for me. If anyone looks at me wrong she's on it," Joeys face lit up when she talked about her sister.

"That wasn't so hard surely?"

"No, and I would have shared that if you'd asked before. I adore my sister."

"But you've never told me that before!" Pacey protested.

"Its never come up in conversation before," she smirked. "Besides you keep trying to date me. When I tell Jack and Jen about Bessie they leave it there...but I bet you're just dying to say..."

"She sounds amazing. What about your dad?" Pacey interrupted with a chuckle at Joeys shining eyes.

"Exactly!" she smiled.

"So, what about your dad?"

"Is that question number 2?" she clarified.

"ummmm no," he didn't want that to use up a question though he wasn't entirely sure that wasn't the question to ask.

"You look flummoxed," she chuckled pushing her already empty plate away, "I feel like desert!"

"You don't look like one," Pacey quipped but then looked at her plump pink lips, her tousled hair and her shining eyes, "scratch that - you look delicious," he welcomed the burn of tequila. Joey just laughed and jumped up.

"Where you going?" he asked.

"Ice cream," she shrugged.

"I don't have any," he said.

"We have some," she said and wondered to the door before turning back in horror, "The RAT!" she gulped. "Well, shit I almost forgot. Don't let me forget. Imagine I slept there and it crawled all over me with its little rat legs and it's scaley long tail?"

"I bet it wouldn't go anywhere near you!"

"Fine, you take my bed, I'll take yours!" she looked triumphant as he scowled.

"So my next question," he changed the subject jumping up and pulling out some chocolate. "This do?" She nodded.

"Go ahead, but know that I get three questions as well. And we must be absolutely honest."

"Sure," Pacey nodded thinking that could only be a good sign. "What about your dad?" he asked again and Joey laughed,

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he nodded emphatically. "Whats he do?"

"Nothing legal, that's for sure," she had another shot of tequila and Pacey frowned, "that's for courage not because I won't answer"

"There's no judgement here," Pacey reassured her.

"You haven't heard the full answer yet," she warned him and he took her hand. She allowed him to take her hand.

"I always thought my dad was a great dad. He used to hang out with Bessie and me. He'd make our friends laugh and our mom blush. He mostly worked at the family restaurant. We hung out a lot there too. Summers were horrendously busy and winters scarily quiet," she looked at a blank spot on the wall for several moments. Pacey held his breath scarcely able to believe how much she was opening up - why hadn't he suggested strong liquor ages ago? Sure he'd drunk in her company, but he couldn't ever recall seeing her drink like this.

"What happened?"

"How do you know something happened?" she gave him a small lob sided smile and he just shrugged and waited for her to continue. "So he often worked late. But when my mom got sick he was out more than in. Bessie and I were alone a lot when mom was in hospital and looking after her when she was home. My dad was off sleeping his way around town. I don't know with how many women, nor do I really care. Of course mom knew and that was the worst thing about it. He let the business slide, so much so that Bessie quit school to keep it going, to keep money coming in," she paused again.

"Of course Dad was always rolling in cash, breezing in with completely useless items like DVDs instead of the food we needed."

"Where'd he make all his money?" Pacey couldn't help but sound a little scathing.

"He dealt drugs mainly. Other accusations floated around but drugs got him locked up for four years. He was inside when mom died."

"You don't have to say anymore if you don't want to?"

"Why stop now huh?" Joey rolled her eyes, "my vow of silence is broken," she took another bite of enchilada straight from the serving dish and then the strangest thing happened. Pacey watched as her face literally transformed. Before he could say anything she continued, "unless of course I've made you uncomfortable, because I didn't mean to, and..."

"I'm quite comfortable thank you very much!"

"Oh," she nodded but still seemed uncertain.

"So what happened?" he asked and she took a moment before continuing,

"He was released. He came home full of promises, tried to take over. He wanted to expand the business, took on a wedding for us to cater. Bessie was so happy, hell I was happy, we could finally be a little more like kids and Bessie could focus on Alex..."

"Her boyfriend?" Pacey interrupted.

"No her son. He was about 9 months when dad got out. His dad Bodie was working in Boston so Bessie had a lot on her plate - the diner, me, Alex."

"I can understand why it seemed good your dad was back."

"I don't know when I first became suspicious. It's hard to say, but some stuff started not to add up and dad was spending more money than we had," she trailed off and took a deep breath,

"The Icehouse was closed. I don't even remember why. I think dad had closed it so we could do a repaint. Whatever the reason a few friends and I were there studying for our SATs. I was looking after Alex for Bessie. He was out back asleep in his stroller..." she trailed off again. Pacey knew better than to say anything, but he did take her hand again and she did let him, her expression storm cloudy.

"The brick went through the back window - we didn't even hear it. The fire spread quickly, really quickly. I smelt the smoke first. My friends," she gave a sarcastic, bitter laugh, "they were out of there so fast - they didn't even look back. I couldn't even think of leaving. I had to get to Alex," a tear rolled down her cheek that she viciously swiped away. "When I opened the door I burnt my hand," Pacey turned her hand over and saw the burn. He wondered how he had never noticed it before, "the flames were everywhere, the smoke, the heat, but I just wanted Alex. Well...you dont need to know how I got in and how I got out, just that Alex was dead and that dad started that fire. Insurance money was his goal. He claimed he didn't know we were there. But he's still in prison, Alex is still dead and I still can't sleep without the feeling of his small, still, unbreathing body in my arms filling my head."

"Jo..." Pacey ached for her.

"It's ok. I've had counselling. I'll never deal with it, how can you? All the questions, the what ifs, the guilt... "

"You shouldn't feel guilty," Pacey leant across and tucked her hair behind her ear, brushing a tear from her cheek.

"Oh I get that it was dad that did it. He killed Alex, but I can't help wishing again and again that I'd kept him in the room with us. I just wanted him to help him sleep, he was so tired... I never thought..." she trailed off.

"How's Bessie?" he asked and Joey looked up with wide eyes. She appreciated the question.

"Better than me in some ways. She and Bodie are still together. They had twins last year, Rebecca and Sam, they're really cute."

"Bodie a nice guy?"

"That your next question?" she smiled at him with a small chuckle.

"Joey," he protested.

"Yes Bodie is nice. He was a big brother and a dad to me. They never blamed me."

"There was nothing to blame you for," Pacey clarified.

"So you want to ask a third question or not?" Joey asked eating another piece of chocolate. Pacey recognised a change of subject when he heard one.

"Of course," he grinned disappointed that she extracted her fingers from his to eat.

"So go ahead," she nodded at him.

"Hmmmm," he knew it had to be light. He hadn't expected her to open up and nor had he expected the horrors of her childhood. He wanted Joey desperately, more than any other woman ever and he had to show her he could be fun and serious.

"Tell me about your first boyfriend," he attempted but she took a shot and said,

"Pass," with a sweet smile.

"You said we had to be honest," he reminded her.

"And I'm pretty sure you want me to enjoy this evening. That won't happen if we talk about him," she looked like she had smelled something unpleasant.

"Your first guy?!" Paey asked.

"The main reason I don't date," Joey scowled some more.

"Well ok. I kind of think I need to know about him if I'm ever to convince you to date me, but I want to date you not depress you so..." he scrunched his brow thoughtfully, "where do you want to be at 30?"

"That's a good question," Joeys eyes shone and in a good way, not as if she was about to cry.

"Thanks."

"At 30 I guess I'd like to have my own place..." she trailed off. "That's a hard question."

"But a good one," he shrugged wondering what made it so hard for her to visualize a future.

"Yeah. I'm finding it hard to answer though... I don't really know where I want to be at 30. I guess I'd like to have travelled a bit. I'd like to live near Jack and Jen, Doug and you I guess,"

"In your own place," Pacey added.

"Yeah," she nodded but didn't continue.

"Thats it?" he squeaked mildly incredulous.

"Maybe I'd own a VW van, that would be good and travel about in it. I guess I'd like to be with someone, even if only for sex.. But I can't really see it."

"You're going to have to tell me about that guy at some point," Pacey growled and she looked up surprised at the anger in his voice.

"What's the matter?"

"It's just so frustrating...just so... Just for sex Joey? I would give you everything and...you...you want someone just for sex. What about being loved? You deserve to be loved and looked after and..."

"I just can't see getting from this to that," Joey sighed.

"You could try," Pacey told her in a hard voice, "Don't just accept it, say that's the way it is. It doesn't have to be this way, it doesn't."

"Are you in love with me?" Joey asked unsure what possessed her to be so bold.

"In love with you!" Pacey scoffed, "Just because...why would you...jeez Joey...you..." The rapid thrumming of his heart told a different story.

"So verbose," Joey rolled her eyes.

"This isn't about me...you've just given up and...and..."

"So why's it bother you? This is my business. This is why I don't date, why I don't share. It's up to me how I live my life," she was angry now too.

"But you're not living life. You're passing through life."

"That's my choice," she growled pushing away from the table.

"Fine," he slouched back in his chair.

"And it's my turn," she snarled haughtily.

"Ask away, I'm a open book," he brushed a hand across his eyes.

"Look forget it, I'll go," she made to stand.

"Please don't go," Pacey implored in a rush. "I'm being an ass. I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"You are being an ass." she confirmed.

"I'll be nice, please stay," he pleaded reaching a hand across and grasping hers. "Where are you gonna sleep if not in my bed?" he asked and watched her eyes darken slightly as he referred to her sleeping in his bed. The alcohol turned her sultry.

"And you'd have to be on the couch huh?" she asked with lilting softness, gazing into his eyes and watching them cloud with desire. His eyes were her weakness and she especially liked them full of desire.

"Ummm," Pacey had no words.

"No room in your bed for two?"

"You know there is but I thought..."

"That because I don't date I'd never want to have sex?" she arched an amused brow. "That I'd never want to have sex with you? I think I just told you that wasn't true."

"Well yeah...you don't exactly..."

"You think I'm a prude?"

"No, no not at all. I just...don't associate you and casual sex, I guess."

"Fair enough. I've never really had casual sex, or sex at all but really I'm very done with the whole virgin thing, I've had enough tequila to not give a damn, and you're pretty damn sexy." Pacey stared at her with a slightly open mouth. She would have sex with him? She was a virgin? He was sexy?

"But its fairly obvious I'm interested in more than casual sex - aren't you worried about giving me mixed messages?"

"You've slept with loads of women, I'm pretty sure you can separate sex and emotion."

"I have not slept with loads of women," Pacey was offended.

"Exactly how many women have you slept with?" she smirked as he shifted uncomfortably. "That's my first question."

"I...I..."

"Yes Pacey? My lovely open book..."

"I'm not sure I really remember..." he bit his lip, deep in thought.

"Wow, I knew it was a few..." she murmured and he looked up relieved at the smile he saw. His heart was hammering furiously in his chest and it felt like he was half there he was so full of adrenalin. He kept asking himself whether Joey had really said she wanted to sleep with him. It was like a dream come true, or a half dream because as she had so astutely seemed to guess he was indeed ass backward in love with her. Had been since their very first conversation and couldn't see it changing any time ever.

"I guess it would be 14... Actually Cecelia makes 15," he told her at length.

"Fifteen! You're pretty good at getting some..."

"What can I say? Women love me," he responded glibly.

"You're still friends with them?"

"Sure I guess... Maybe not Anya but she's not really friends with anyone. It was casual," he shrugged. "They all knew it even if they didn't all like it well except for Andie, Miss Jacobs and Audrey."

Joey looked at him intensely for several moments. Just as Pacey was about to break the silence she gestured for him to lean forward, toward her.

"Don't you want to sleep with me?" she asked, "That's my second question."

"I'll show you how much I want to sleep with you if you want?" Pacey stayed close to her, his lips a breath away from hers. Joey flopped back and took a shot of tequila.

"Third question," she looked at him, looking for all the world like a sultry vixen. Paceys heart pounded furiously. "Does it bother you that I'm a virgin?"

"No," Pacey shook his head. "I'm surprised. I mean look at you, but it doesn't bother me."

"Good," Joey stood up and piled the dishes taking them over to the sideboard above the dishwasher. She turned and looked at him still sat dumbfounded in his chair. Pacey stared at her, unsure. He didn't know what she was expecting of him. She didn't want to be his girlfriend but she did want to be his friend. She also seemed to want to have sex with him. "Come 'ere," she gestured. Standing uncertainly he walked towards her. He was really quite drunk he realised. He stood in front of her, a milimetre between them. She reached up and hooked an arm behind his neck drawing his ear to her lips.

"Make a damn move would you?" she whispered into his ear sending a delicious jolt of desire down his back and to his already hard cock.

"Sure, sure," Pacey mumbled feeling suddenly inexperienced and wrong footed. She looked at him with large heavy lidded eyes. He didn't need telling twice. Without a word he closed the distance between them pressing her against the sideboard leaving no space between them. He pressed his mouth to hers in a searing kiss. And she whimpered, she absolutely damn whimpered sending him crazy. She met his passion head on and though she claimed to be a virgin he couldn't tell. She wasn't timid and she didn't hold back, her hands were everywhere. When she touched him where he wanted her to most, he groaned.

"I'll fuck you right now if you want Jo," he tugged her hand away "but lord do i find you sexy, so don't do that," and she pouted - she POUTED.

"I want to do that," she practically purred and her hand snuck between them again. Groaning loudly Pacey claimed her lips again. He wanted her too much to be patient. If she wasn't going to take her time it was damn near impossible for him to. Screw peeling her clothes off her carefully - he just about ripped them from her body before carrying her to his room in just her underwear. He didn't lay her on the bed with care either - he tumbled onto the bed with her underneath him his hips automatically bucking his hard cock against the moisture on her panties. Fuck thinking about where to touch her next - he was touching her everywhere, incessantly, needing desperately to feel the warm wetness at the centre of her on his fingers. Bollocks to trying to bring her to orgasm - he didn't have to try, he was so desperate to hear the noises she was making his fingers performed without thought. And when she pushed his pants down and he covered her body with his own he didn't even think about anything but her, about sinking deep into her, hearing her sigh of relief, feeling her hands urge him further into her, her nails drag down his back and her body move in response to his, the way she'd moan, how to move just so and make that moan turn into a groan. She came, thank god she came because he didn't think to try and make that happen, and he came, fuck did he come and though it felt ridiculous, it was the best damn orgasm of his life. Orgasms were not all the same and lust was not the same thing as love.

They lay together on his bed, her body delightfully void of clothing and wrapped in his. Pacey wasn't sure he'd ever been as happy as he was at that moment. He was pretty sure that if he died right then it wouldn't be as an unhappy man. Of course to be utterly content he'd have to know that she was his and he was hers, and of course that wasn't how it was. But at that second, she was in his arms and that was good enough. He gave her a slight squeeze and kissed her shoulder. Her beautiful shoulder.

"Does this mean I don't have to sleep on the couch?" he asked softly his lips finding her neck.

"Mmmmmmmm," she sighed and stretched so he could kiss her more easily.

"Is that a yes?" he asked again.

"No... You stay here and do this... Again...more," she sighed and pressed her butt against him. Pacey didn't need asking twice.

* * *

The sun was bright on his closed eyes. There was a slight throb at his temple but he didn't care a jot about that, after all Joey Potter was naked in his bed. He was slightly worried about opening his eyes, about breaking the moment, about never getting a moment like it again. She would probably freak now that she was no longer drunk and given her absolute aversion to anything remotely relationship like. But open his eyes he must.

She was divine. And she was wide awake and looking at him.

"Please don't tell me you're one of those guys that once he sleeps with a girl he loses all interest in sleeping with her and moves onto a new conquest?" her voice was soft, beautiful.

"Not me Potter," he assured her pulling her a little nearer.

"So I don't have to climb awkwardly from your bed? Or watch you scramble away making excuses?" she arched that perfect brow again.

"I would have to say no," he winked at her and allowed his eyes to wonder over her nakedness. She looked over him and smirked at his hard on,

"I guess I don't need to ask if we can do it again!" she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his allowing him to draw her body toward him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Pacey should have been concentrating but he couldn't seem to focus. He'd spent the day with Joey. She'd spent the day with him. They chatted, made love, discussed rat removal, kissed, showered - together, and made love. Life was pretty damn good. And she was at home right now. His home, but she was there and he was out with his damn brother and sister.

"What the heck is with you Pacey?" Gretchen complained. Joey, potentially naked in his bed. Being in love with Joey naked in his bed. Being in love with Joey. He'd admitted it to himself, if no one else, she was without a doubt the woman for him and he loved her, absolutely fucking loved her.

"Pacey?" Doug asked when he neglected to respond.

"Oh...Joey found a rat in their apartment," Pacey attempted.

"Shit...I sleep there, oh god I'm never staying there again," Doug shivered.

"Yeah that was Joeys reaction," and Pacey grinned. The stupid, love sick grin he'd been fighting all day.

"That's awesome man," Doug didn't need to be told what the shit eating grin meant.

"What am I missing here? Joey, as in Jacks housemate Joey, Ice queen Joey?" Gretchen looked between her brothers.

"She's no ice queen," Pacey murmured, "but no telling anyone. I can't believe I've told you guys."

"You didn't need to tell us," Doug reminded him.

"So miss no dates is suddenly dating you?" Gretchens eyes bugged.

"Well no... Technically she's slept with me...hopefully sleeping with me and we're friends. She doesn't do relationships," Pacey shrugged in what he hoped was a relaxed and casual manner.

"You found out why not yet?"

"Nope," he answered shortly.

* * *

When Pacey got home from the sibling dinner, he and Doug both tapped on Jack, Jen and Joey's door and then entered. Pacey couldn't help the utterly sunshiny smile spreading across his face at the sight of Joey, squashed in a chair with Jen whilst Andie and Jack took the couch. Jack and Andie were having a debate about something or other and Joey and Jen seemed to be speaking in hushed voices, the soft music covering any whispered conversation. Pacey watched Joey smile and laugh, and Jen's cheery smile in return.

"Hey guys," Doug grinned and sidled up next to Jack on the couch, entwining his fingers with his boyfriends. Pacey had no idea how he was supposed to act. He saw Joey look at him and blush before looking away, and he didn't miss Jen's slight laugh.

"I thought I'd say hi before heading home. I'm on an early tomorrow. You want to run first thing?" he looked directly at Joey who gave him a smile and then narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm game," she gave him a quick smile.

"Oh you guys run?" Andie seemed to miss the heavy sexual tension that was bounding about the room. No one else had, Pacey was sure. Jack was looking with suspicion between Joey and him, and Jen just wore an all knowing smile. But Andie wanted to run with them. Pacey had never hated his ex-girlfriend more.

"Sure Andie, but it's a 6 am start," Joey made an effort to be sincere.

"Oh," Andie frowned. "Well I was going to meet with Dr Valentine at nine, so that would work. Wake me, would you Joey?"

"Sure," Joey gave her a nod and then hid behind her hair. Knowing he had no reason to stay Pacey raised a hand,

"I'm out," he said to the room at large and received their muttered good nights. He stared at Joey again but she was talking with Jen again, so he reluctantly left his friends apartment and went across the hall to his.

It was nice to go into his very own apartment. He noticed that Joey had tidied up. He was kind of sad that his sex messed bed was re-straightened, but was less sad that she'd loaded the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. He'd just hung up his coat and put his shoes away when there was a tap at the door. He opened the door with his stomach exploding with nerves and there she was, a small smile on her face as she looked at him.

"Hey," he leaned up against the door frame.

"Hi," she didn't look at all nervous. "I thought maybe we could talk?" she asked and his heart sunk. He felt sick.

"Talk?" he echoed.

"Yeah, you know chat. It's been helping my insomnia."

"Well that's good," he didn't know what the hell was happening. Did she want to talk about them and what they'd done, or just chat.

"Hmmm," she stared at him long and hard. "You seem anxious."

"Nervous," he clarified.

"And why would you be nervous?" she stared at him with sparkling eyes.

"Well, you say the word talk and I worry I may not get to kiss you again," he watched his arm move his hand to her hip without his brains say so. It was like he had no control over himself.

"We're not in a relationship Pace. We're friends and talk means just that. As for the kissing, sure, we can do that again."

"Really?" he asked with a cocky pout on his mouth. She took in the expression on his face and shook her head,

"Hmmm, maybe my willingness is making you cocky," she frowned.

"Oh you're making me cocky alright," he rocked his hips into hers and her eyes fluttered shut.

"Hmmmm..." she managed and then grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and kissed him, capturing him by surprise. Pacey was stilled for a moment and then groaned, pulling her into his place, slamming the door and pressing her against it.

"I've been thinking about this all evening," he growled his hands seeking the naked skin at her waist, before trailing up over her ribs, his thumbs brushing the underside of her breasts. She moaned and pushed at his t-shirt, pushing it up and then over his head, before returning her hands to his naked chest and her lips to his. "I want you," he trailed the words with kisses down her neck before pressing a warm kiss to her nipple through her t-shirt and bra. While one hand moved to the clasp on her bra, the other snuck between their bodies and under the waist of her sweats, down under the elastic of her panties and to the place between her legs, the place that made him groan and buck against her.

"Pacey," she pleaded his name as his hand danced it's dance, "I want to come with you in me," she pleaded practically making him orgasm on the spot. She popped the button on his jeans, the belt undone somewhere along the line and pushed them down. He moved them backwards somehow landing on his couch and pulling her on top of him. He pushed her bottoms off of her and then her naked form slid on top of him, looking him in the eyes as she moved to take hold of his cock and guide it inside of her. She sunk more deeply on to him, her chest against his and she cried out. "You're going or make me come in about a second like this," she moaned the words against his lips and then kissed him. Pacey didn't hesitate to grab her ass and move inside her, loving the noise of her build up to what must have been the quickest orgasm on record. She moved with him and cried out less than thirty seconds after sliding onto him. She slumped for a moment, so Pacey flipped them over, taking in her surprised expression he kissed her, moving her leg and pounding into her harder.

Pacey liked to think he had pretty good sexual stamina and normally he did. But having sex with Joey was completely undermining his sexual prowess. He could feel his orgasm already building and he desperately wanted to make her come again, and so he shifted, angled differently until he heard her moan in that tell tale way, felt her nails scrape his back, his butt and then she yelled out as she came, and god help him so did he. Oh how badly he felt the need to declare his love for her as he lay on top of her, in her, his lips still pressed to hers. He moved to her neck and kissed her there, still unwilling to move from inside her. He leaned up on his elbows to look at her. She was stunning. Her hair splayed, her eyes shut and her skin bare. He held her tighter. It took him a few moments to realize she was asleep. So much for insomnia, it seemed he was the cure. He smiled somewhat smugly to himself. He could live with that.

Reluctantly he moved from inside her, surprised when it didn't wake her. He was damned if she was going to sleep on his couch, when he had his big double bed to take her to, so he stood beside the couch and shucked her up into his arms.

"Pace," she gave him a sleepy look. He just smiled,

"Bed?" he asked simply and she nodded, leaning her head against his chest. She wasn't light but he managed to get her into his room pretty easily, and stood her against him as he flicked back the covers. Unfortunately, the effect of her naked body sliding against his was instantaneous and she smirked as she felt it.

"Your body likes me," she smiled in dulcet but sleepy tones.

"Total understatement," Pacey chuckled and she slid into bed. He followed her curling up behind her, his cock managing to find it's way back inside of her.

"Mmmmm," she reached her hands back and tugged him closer and he smiled. Oh it sucked that they were only friends, but even if she couldn't tell, or couldn't admit it, he knew they were really much more.

* * *

Pacey was pretty pleased with his life since his move back home to Boston. One month in and the job was good. In fact the job was excellent, and because the job was, so was he. He knew he was doing a great job. He was enjoying seeing more of his brother and sisters and living across the hall from Jack was great. They'd gone to watch the Bruins play, they'd meet for beers after work. It was perfect. Jen was also becoming a good friend, though he couldn't really understand her attraction to Drue Valentine. The guy wasn't all bad, but Jen was better. Of course the best thing about Boston was Joey. When they were around everyone else they were friends, but she spent every night with him, mainly because he asked her to, but also because she wanted to. He could tell she wanted to because she seemed as desperate to be with him as he was her. She was, often painfully, professional at work, but those eyes, oh he knew how to read her eyes. They had christened the back of his van a multitude of times despite the fact that it was freezing. The little battery heater and the many layers of bedding took the chill off as they would slip naked into what was pretty much a nest, mainly because neither wanted to wait until they got home. It was fun. Really good fun. Not only the sex but the talking that sometimes never seemed to stop. Sometimes just to end an argument he'd kiss her. Sometimes she'd kiss him just to stop him talking because the sex helped her sleep. She even admitted it. He was better than a sleeping pill for her.

If the hospital rumour mill had been thrumming before, it was off the charts now. There was even one gossip circle that believed they were secretly married. Pacey only wished it were true. As the marriage rumour wasn't true, as the relationship rumour wasn't true, he just concentrated on being her best friend and the best sex she'd ever had.

"I keep trying to tell her that she is dating you," Jen shrugged as she and Pacey pushed through the doors of Hells Kitchen.

"Like you try and tell Drue?" Pacey gave her a look.

"I know you don't like him Pacey but I do."

"I do like him Jen, I just don't trust him."

"Well neither do I," Jen surprised him. "As of now he is totally untrustworthy, but one day..."

"Just like one day Joey will admit she wants all of me?"

"Well more certain than that," Jen teased but then took pity on him. "You're closer to her than anyone and one day she'll tell you what happened. When she does that you know she knows that what you have is a relationship. Then you can say the words."

"The words?" he gave her a quizzical look but she just scoffed,

"I can see the words dripping out of every pore on your body. You love her. You're absolutely besotted by her, and because you can't say those words, every little thing you do screams them. Everyone knows. The whole damn hospital. They just keep up the rumours because it's fun watching Joey deal with them. She just blushes and works harder."

"That's mean," Pacey was instantly defensive.

"You want to know what I think?" Jen asked and Pacey nodded, "I think she'll say it to you before you say it to her."

"You think she loves me?" the grin was spontaneous. Jen appraised him for a moment,

"Yeah, I think she's one hundred percent in love with you. But I don't think she knows it."

"God I hope you're right," Pacey mumbled as they slid into chairs at the table where Jack and Joey were laughing together, Pacey automatically taking the seat next to the latter.

"Hey guys," Jack grinned widely, "settle a debate for me and Jo here. Jo here seems to think Whoopie Goldberg won an oscar for Ghost, which is crazy talk."

"Wouldn't have a clue," Jen held her hands up in surrender, "I never saw Ghost."

"You have never watched Ghost?" Joey looked at her aghast, her hand dropping beneath the table and onto Pacey's. Pacey knew he should wipe the shit eating grin off his face but that was nigh impossible, so instead he squeezed her hand and moved their joined hands onto the delightful warmth of her thigh.

"I never felt the need to put myself through that, no. Whilst I have a certain amount of respect for Patrick, after all he gave us Dirty Dancing, and I like Whoopie, I have to say I can't really abide Demi Moore," Jen wrinkled her nose.

"Well no, but it's just terrifically cheesy, especially the clay wheel sex scene, and the incredibly awkward kiss between Demi and Whoopie."

"Not terrifically cheesy enough for me to watch it," Jen chuckled. "Besides, we don't all have your 'anything goes' policy to literature and film."

"Girl makes a point," Pacey's grin grew.

"I have my reasons for that policy," Joey defended, glaring at Pacey and Jen with narrowed eyes.

"And they are?" Jack bit his lip impishly.

"I choose not to share," she gave them a haughty look, "but I find nothing more irritating than a film snob and that transfers to literature."

"And whys that?" Jen widened her eyes in expectation. Pacey watched on. Every conversation with Joey about her opinions, her past, was like drawing teeth. She had her views but why, nobody knew.

"Do you guys know the literal definition of a snob?" Joey looked at them all with affectionate disdain.

"Sure, someone appreciative of the finer things in life? Someone cultivating a deeper appreciation of things that enrich?" Pacey shrugged and Joey turned her fiery eyes on him.

"The actual definition of a snob is a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others. Or a person who believes himself or herself an expert or connoisseur in a given field and is condescending toward or disdainful of those who hold other opinions or have different tastes regarding this field. I personally think that whatever you add on the front of snob, be it film or literary, well it isn't exactly a compliment."

"Well no...not when you put it like that," Pacey frowned and Jack laughed. "What do you find so amusing?" Pacey asked his friend.

"That boy is no movie snob and no literary snob either. My Jack will read anything and watch anything," Joey gave Jack an adoring look.

"It's a terrible quality they both share," Jen was apparently not bothered by Joey's snob description. Pacey tried not to feel jealous at Joey's possessive 'my' in front of Jacks name - the guy was gay and involved with Pacey's brother after all.

"That definition doesn't bother you?" Pacey stared at Jen who laughed,

"Actually no, because I'm not a snob, I just have taste - taste that at times varies wildly to the taste of these two. I can also see that massive boulder on Joey's shoulder," she gestured to her friend who laughed.

"You mean this giant chip right here?" she asked sarcastically shooting her friend a glare.

"That's the one. You are sometimes obstinate in your desire to flirt with the terrible when it comes to the arts!"

"Hmmm," Joey seemed to think it through, "I would agree with that to a degree."

"Well I, for one, am planning revenge this Christmas," Jen smirked.

"You are huh?" Joey slugged her beer back.

"Yep."

"I'll have you know I'm working all through Christmas. I said I'd do the whole holiday so no time for watching movies. Such a shame," Joey gave Jen a fake smile and shifted Pacey's hand up her thigh.

"So what's new?" Jack asked with a shrug. "You work every holiday."

"You work every holiday?" Pacey gave her a wide eyed look.

"Why not? Someone's got to."

"Doesn't always have to be you."

"If there were ever an end of the world disaster - meteor, virus, nuclear...Joey would be the nurse that's first on the scene," Jack filled in.

"People like to be with their families - I make that possible. It makes me feel good, I am ultimately selfish!" Joey shuffled her chair in closer to the table and pulled Pacey's hand even further up her thigh until it was under her skirt.

"You have a family," Pacey told her pointedly.

"Ah, but I never spend holidays with them," she said as if that explained it all perfectly.

"Never?" Pacey frowned and tried to keep a straight face as she pressed his fingers up against the damp material at the apex of her thighs. His fingers, however, took on a life of their own.

"No never," she shook her head and shot him a sultry look that told him exactly what she was really thinking about. He swallowed hard and shifted his extremely tight jeans. Jen laughed as if aware of what she was doing, of what he was doing.

"We've digressed. The point is that I'm forcing the arts on you for Christmas."

"And that led onto the fact that I'm working," Joey smirked, then looked at Pacey as he flicked his finger rather effectively. "We need to go soon," she stated abruptly.

"Hey, whatever sexual game you two are ensconced in, does not alter the fact that I'm trying to let you know about my big surprise for next weekend, when you, Joey dearest, are not working," Jen looked at Joey and Pacey who had the good grace to look sheepish.

"Look at him," Joey said with a blush but a defiant glint in her eye.

"Have done...I understand," Jen nodded. "Look, go home, get it on and I'll tell you about my Christmas surprise tomorrow!"

"Tell us now," Joey was repentant.

"Nope. You're not exactly focused," she looked pointedly at Pacey who was staring at Joey with dark eyes.

"Point taken," Joey subconsciously licked her lips.

"They are pathetic," Jack teased.

"And you and Doug aren't?" Jen gave an incredulous laugh.

"Well..."

"Well what?" Jen laughed.

"Well Doug and I at least admit we're together," Jack stated and then felt immediately guilty at the look on Joey's face. They could all see the confusion and the struggle.

"Jo and I are friends," Pacey defended, "we just can't seem to keep our hands to ourselves."

"Obviously," Jen rolled her eyes and Joey seemed to relax a little.

"I'm sorry Jo..." Jack began but she shook her head and stood up.

"I'm going to...you know...go," she stuttered slightly, her cheeks still painted red.

"I'll come with you," Pacey said straight away but she shook her head,

"No you guys should...you know..." she grabbed at her thick duffle coat and pulled it on, pulling on her scarf and hat and heading for the door. Pacey glared at Jack.

"What the hell man?" he growled.

"I'm sorry. I know better...I just...she was looking at you all loved up and it just seemed so easy for her...and..." Jack frowned and Pacey felt sorry for him.

"It's ok man, I'll head home and see that she's ok."

* * *

Pacey thought he'd run into Joey outside the bar but she must have caught the bus, or just walked really quickly in the direction of their apartment block. Maybe she even took a taxi, but she wasn't there as he jogged their usual route home from the bar. When he got in he knocked on her apartment door but there as no answer. He put his ear to the door and heard movement from inside.

"Joey," he rapped on the door.

"Pacey," she opened the door and looked at him. She didn't look like she'd been crying but she didn't look happy either.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she nodded curtly. "Just going to bed."

"At my place?" he gave her a soft, flirtatious smile. She'd stayed at his every night since he'd moved in after all.

"No here Pacey," her eyes watered momentarily but she blinked the emotion back.

"Why? Because of Jack's big mouth?"

"No," she shook her head, "because I can't give you what you want, I may never be able to give you what you want."

"But I just want you, in whatever capacity I can have you," he told her simply, realizing that to get angry or emotional would doom his argument to failure.

"But..." she began her protest but he reached for her pulling her against him.

"No Joey, there is no but. I pursued you knowing that you don't want a relationship, knowing that you just wanted to be friends. I began sleeping with you, knowing that to."

"But Pace," she looked up at him, "I don't know anymore whether it's that I don't want a relationship or if I actually can't have a healthy, functioning relationship."

"What happened Joey?" he looked at her with loving eyes.

"I can't...don't ask me that, please..."

"Ok Jo, ok," he rubbed her shoulders, "but don't ask me to give up the friends and the sex because you're worried I want more. I do want more, you know that, but when you want something as much as I want you, you take what you can get."

"You'll get sick of it, sick of me. You should end this now. You really should. I should. I should end it," she pressed her face into his chest and the first inklings of panic began to prickle his nerves.

"Joey, are you happy? Not with the past, not with the things inside, but with you and me? With our friendship? With the sex?"

"You're...like my best friend," she said with absolute honesty, "and you know how I feel about the sex," she lowered bashful eyes, "yes I'm happy. I can sleep when I'm with you. You seem to stop the nightmares. I don't know how, but only you can do that."

"Good. I'm glad you're happy. You know what Joey? I'm happy too. Really fucking happy. So don't end this, whatever this is. It's simple and it works. Friends and sex. Fine by me because we're both happy."

"You are the loveliest human being I have ever met," she stared at him with solemn eyes and stood on her toes to kiss him, her arms wrapping tightly around him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"You are the loveliest human being I have ever met," she stared at him with solemn eyes and stood on her toes to kiss him, her arms wrapping tightly around him.

"Right back at you sweetheart," he told her but she stared at him for a long moment,

"I'm not as nice as you think I am," she said, but the distance that had been there when she opened the door was gone. Pacey threaded his fingers through hers.

"Don't believe it," he said simply.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" she asked and he immediately nodded,

"Of course, you ready now?" at her nod he tugged her across the hall to his place. "I take it you've eaten?"

"Earlier with Jack," she said.

"So I'll have some leftovers."

"I'm sorry Pace," she said sitting at his table.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For making you leave the bar. We were having a nice time. I kind of over reacted," he could tell it was hard for her to admit it.

"You did, huh?" he decided to keep things light.

"Maybe a little."

* * *

Pacey pushed into his apartment block somewhat eager to see Joey. Joey had not been working and he had. As ridiculous as it felt, he was desperate, extremely desperate, to see her. Unashamedly he knocked on her door instead of his and went in at Jack's shout of "come in."

"Wow," he laughed. Jen and Joey had clearly made use of their day off together to Christmasivy the place. There was a small tree - real he noted, with incredibly bright and eclectic decorations. There were colourful lights strung around the room, a poinsettia on the coffee table, a fire in the fireplace and the smell of mulled wine hung heavy on the air. "Christmas threw up in here," he gave a low whistle. The girls shot him dirty glares but Jack and his brother laughed.

"It's December 15th. If we don't decorate now, we just don't decorate," Joey told him in a rather haughty voice.

"Hey, I love it," Pacey grinned and took the glass of warm wine Jack handed him with a suspicious look. "I've never had mulled wine," he frowned.

"I know eggnog is more...traditional, but I had this once and I personally favour it," Joey informed him.

"We all favour it," Jen added. "If you're an eggnog fan you have to wait for morning lattes."

"This is pretty good," Pacey said after a sip.

"It's great," Joey rolled her eyes. His eyes told her what her exactly what her little eye roll did to him. She smiled.

"So you guys all had a good day?" Pacey was playing catch up as the last person to get home. He really wanted Joey nearer him so he edged across the room and perched on the arm of her chair. His hand, oh so casually, resting across her shoulders, his fingers able to touch her hair. Much better.

"Double homicide," Doug frowned, "I just got guarding the crime scene duty so not too bad."

"Christmas decorating," Jen smiled.

"Chores and this," Joey leant back and Pacey felt her fingers brush across his leg. He wondered whether it would ever get any easier to be near her? Or apart from her for that matter. If this was love, then love was ridiculous.

"What about you Pace? I heard they brought in a kid with burns?" Jack had been working to but he worked on the wards. Pacey felt Joey tense under his arm but her face remained neutral. He figured only he had noticed and only he knew why.

"Oh that's terrible," Jen frowned.

"Yeah little boy, maybe three. The mom fell asleep with a cigarette in her hand," Jack shook his head.

"People are stupid," Doug put in.

"And burns?" Jen frowned. "Poor little guy."

"Yeah it was tough but we got him stabilized."

"A long recovery though," Jen murmured thoughtfully.

"The worst. Burns victims are always the worst," Jack took Doug's hand. Pacey, rather boldly took Joey's hand. He wasn't supposed to do that when they were around the others. It made her uncomfortable, but he didn't really care. Unfortunately Joey's hand was limp in his. He needed a change of subject.

"So do you guys do gifts for each other?"

"Hell yeah," Jack glared at him.

"I'm your brother Pacey! I'm expecting a gift," Doug smirked at him.

"Me to! Just because," Jen laughed. "Well because I have got you all the most awesome present."

"You have?" Jack looked at her with eager eyes.

"Yes - with you and Joey in mind," she shot a confused look at Joey, "hey, earth to Joey - are you ok there?" Joey looked up and seemed to snap out of it.

"Oh, hey yeah, sorry I zoned out there - I must be tired," Joey gave herself a shake and let go of Pacey's hand, but made up for it by resting her arm on his leg. Pacey leant forward and reached her wine off of the table and passed it to her. "Thanks Pace," she gave him a smile and he couldn't resist pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She seemed surprised but said nothing of it.

"Ok, ok... You guys keep stopping me from revealing my big Christmas surprise," Jen complained and they both looked away from each other and at Jen, their expressions sheepish.

"Sorry," they said in unison.

"Ok, so..."

"You know this had better be good what with all this build up," Jack interrupted with a smirk. Jen glared at him but Joey giggled.

"Let the poor girl speak," Doug hugged Jack.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," he also looked sheepish.

"So...we have this ongoing snob debate - I call it taste, Joey eloquently argues the snob line, though when it comes to music suddenly it's taste and not snobbery. Anyhow, I digress. It turns out that Boston is home to a pretty big film premier and I have scored us tickets," she smiled and everyone broke out in questions at once.

"What's the film?" Jack's question won through the melee. Pacey noticed that Joey was a bit quiet, but figured it was still the lingering effect of his poor burns victim. He decided that the noise and distraction of everyone could only be a good thing.

"It's a film called Creekside," Jen began.

"I've heard of that," Doug was a bit of a film buff. "Didn't the director win an oscar for something else?"

"Yeah - Dawson Leery," Jen informed him.

"That was it... He won the oscar for..." Doug was trying to think of the name.

"Lonely Night," Pacey found himself filling in, surprised at his enthusiasm for Jen's gift.

"That's it," Doug grinned at his little brother.

"I think he's the youngest director of all time to win an oscar," Pacey added.

"He is," Jen's eyes were bright. "Creekside is a semi autobiographical coming of age film which already has oscar buzz. It's set in a town down the coast and he wanted to hold the premiere locally. We also get an passes to an intimate meet and greet with Dawson Leery after the film," Jen was clearly pleased as punch with herself. "I know we weren't all fans of Lonely Night," she shot Joey a look, "but this is shot locally and is set back in the nineties, so it should at least be a laugh when we look at the clothing!"

"That is awesome," Jack grinned, "how the hell did you manage it?"

"Drue knows someone, who knows someone who went to high school with Dawson Leery himself. He got me the tickets, one for all of you." Jen shot Pacey a quick look to let him know that even though they were new friends, he was very much a part of their group.

"Thanks," Pacey felt unbelievably touched. His move back to his hometown was probably the smartest decision he'd ever made. He took an indulgent look at Joey but was surprised by her pale face. She looked like death, "hey Jo...are you ok?" She didn't seem to hear him so he took her hand, "Jo...you ok?" he asked again. She looked at him and it was clear she was not ok, not ok at all.

"I feel sick," she whispered stumbling over the words and looking scarily pale.

"Ok, take deep breaths, Jack get a bowl, Jen..."

"It's ok," Joey whispered as Pacey took her pulse. She made to stand but pitched forward onto the floor as she fainted, the side of her head hitting the coffee table. Everyone reacted at once. The room had a doctor, two nurses and a police office in it. Pacey dropped to the floor beside Joey, Jen helped him move her into the recovery position, Doug cleared the space and Jack made to grab the phone.

"Don't call just yet," Pacey told him stroking Joey's hair with one hand, his fingers on her pulse point. He took the wet flannel Jen passed him and pressed it to Joey's head. Then brushed at the blood where she'd hit her head. It wasn't a serious wound, just a bruise. After a few minutes her eyes fluttered open,

"Pacey," she murmured her hands clasping at his.

"Hey, it's ok, you're ok. You fainted. You gonna be sick?" he held the bowl close.

"I don't think so... My head hurts," she winced and tried to sit up. Pacey and Jack helped her into the chair.

"You hit your head on the coffee table," Pacey told her and reached for his medical kit that Doug had gone across the hall to fetch. He took out his stethoscope and listened to her heart. Her heart was steady her lungs were clear. He pulled out an ear thermometer and she dutifully let him take her temperature. It was normal. Pacey felt worried. It was a steady, gnawing feeling, not a panicked one. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah...I guess," she didn't look any better. "I...I don't know what happened. I ate lunch...I..." She trailed off and put her head to her knees.

"Are you going to faint again?" Pacey asked.

"Mm. Think so..." the words were quiet.

"Let's get her into her bed, maybe if she lies down," Jen suggested.

"I want to take her blood pressure," Pacey stated.

"Do it when we've got her into her room," Jack tugged Pacey's shoulder and Pacey looked up at him. "Let's get her into her room," he repeated.

"Yeah ok..." Pacey nodded and he and Jack scooped her up between them, Jen following them with the sick bowl. Doug went ahead and flicked open her covers and turning on her bedside lamp. They lay her on the bed, her head on her usual pillows. Pacey perched on the bed beside her, "I'm going to take your blood pressure. You still feel like you might faint?"

"Hmmm and be sick," she rolled on her side towards the sick bowl but wasn't actually sick. Pacey slipped a cuff over her arm and pumped in the air. After a few moments he removed it,

"Your blood pressures low...really low...just lie back and relax. Jack is making you something sugary to drink as we speak..."

"I suffer from hypotension..." Joey managed, a little more colour in her cheeks.

"You normally faint?"

"I've never fainted," she reached for his hand. "Lie with me, please," she asked turning him gooey inside.

"Of course," he moved his equipment off the bed and back into his bag and slid into the bed beside her.

"We'll leave you guys," Jen said with a long look at her best friend, and she and Doug left the room.

"What brought it on?" Pacey asked but she didn't seem to want to answer.

"I'm scared Pace," she said instead. His fight or flight instinct kicked in as adrenalin caused his heart to pound.

"Why are you scared Joey?" he took her hand and held it close to his heart. She couldn't fail to feel it.

"Hey it's ok," she was suddenly soft, "there's no danger..."

"You scared me Jo, fainting like that. I...I..." He desperately wanted to tell her how much he loved her, tell her that he would never love anyone more.

"I'm ok."

"Why are you scared?"

"Me? I'm scared that I need you more than I should," she gave him a small smile.

"Well now that's crazy. You shouldn't be scared of that," he said with a scoff.

"Things in my life," she began and then looked down, "well they don't tend to work out," she looked back up at him.

"Hey...we're just friends, right? Nothing to not work out."

"It's just going to be hard..." Her eyes filled with tears.

"What is?" Pacey was so confused.

"When you find out the truth."

"Huh? I really don't understand," he kissed her temple, then her nose, then her lips.

"It would be easier if it were just love. Love is unselfish, but need? Need is about the most selfish feeling there is."

"Just love?" Pacey couldn't help pick up on that. His whole body had picked up on that, every nerve thrumming with the next. At that moment there was a tap at the door and Jack peeked his head in,

"Lemon and lots of honey," he said with a smile. "You feeling better Joey?"

"A bit," she murmured. Pacey officially hated his best friend.

"You should drink this," Jack stated, the nurse in him coming out. He could tell he was intruding, but patients needs must be met. He put the drink down on her bedside table and helped her sit. Pacey pushed into a sitting position beside her.

"He's right," he stated and she shot a glare at him.

"I know he's right," she grumbled.

"Must be feeling better," Jack grinned and handed her the mug. "Slow and steady and if you feel sick be sure to aim for Pacey," Jack teased.

"Ha ha," Pacey rolled his eyes.

"Get some sleep Jo," Jack looked pointedly at Pacey. "I called Nadia and she's going to cover your shift tomorrow, so you're not on until Wednesday."

"Thank you Jack," she sipped at the hot drink. Jack exited the room.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Pacey asked immediately.

"I don't think I can, you know..." Joey began but Pacey interrupted, his face bright red,

"Not for sex Jo," he hissed, "because I want to be near you."

"Oh," Joey smiled, "then yes you can stay."

"I want to take tomorrow off, I should go call Natalie and see if she can find someone to cover."

"Pacey, that's borderline pathetic," Joey rolled her eyes.

"No it's not. My...my... Friend, she fainted. I should stay with you and look after you."

"I've got to go home anyway," she sighed and put the cup down.

"You have to go home?" his voice squeaked as he looked at her with incredulity.

"Yeah I do."

"But you didn't even have the day off until Jack called for you, how come you suddenly have to go home?"

"I just do," Joey dropped her head to his shoulder, her arm wrapping around his waist.

"Can I come with you?" he asked and she moved her head to look at him.

"You want to come with me?" she gave him a queer little frown.

"I would love to come with you," he couldn't believe how true those words were. He desperately wanted to go with her, see her home, where she grew up, her family, something, anything to contribute to the picture of who she was. He was so in love with her it hurt. Physically hurt. His sincerity was unmistakable.

"But..." she trailed off and stared at her hands, now clasped in her lap. "Well...but I need to speak to my sister..."

"You can speak to your sister. That's ok."

"But..."

"Joey, I would love nothing more than to come with you," he looked at her, she looked pale again. "Think about it, I'll call and get tomorrow off and then we can decide last minute. Just think about it - look at how you're feeling, I could drive you in the van?"

"Ok I'll think about it," she nodded and he slipped out of the bed, and to the living room. Jack, Doug and Jen looked at him as he entered.

"How is she?" Jen immediately asked.

"Ok...pale again."

"At least she's under a doctors watchful eye!" Jen smirked at him.

"I'm going to call Natalie and get tomorrow off. Joey says she's going home, I want to go with her," he explained.

"That would be huge Pace," Jack whistled and Pacey took in his friends surprised faces.

"Well she hasn't exactly agreed to it," Pacey admitted and picked up the phone to call Natalie the shift supervisor. He made the call and then hung up.

"You realize no one has been to Joey's?" Jen was stood next to him.

"Huh?" he frowned.

"Joey's been to stay with me a ton of times. She's even met Jack's dad a few times on those obligatory meals he makes Jack do with him. But Joey is closed off. As closed off as you imagine she is, she's actually worse," Jen fixed him with a serious look.

"What are you saying here Lindly?"

"I'm saying you better look after my friend. I get that you love her, I do. But whatever she's hiding, whatever it is in her past, you have to be there for her, whatever it is."

"Goes without saying," he said simply squeezing Jen's shoulder and heading back to Joey's room.

"Hey, Jo...Natalie said I can have tomorrow off...apparently Dave wanted to switch with someone anyway."

"Ok... So I was thinking, and well I guess you can come with me..." Joey began, looking at him, looking ridiculously small in her bed, especially for such a tall girl.

"Great," Pacey grinned.

"But I lied to you..." her eyes were wide, she was scared.

"Ok," he sat on the edge of the bed.

"You asked me once where the me in my room was," she took his hand.

"I did."

"Well...the fire...the one that killed Alexander...it was at my home. All the photos of him, all the mementos and memorabilia, the pictures of my mom, well they were all destroyed. I said it was the Ice House, our restaurant because...I don't like to think about it. About any of it and that felt, I don't know, like there was some distance. I understand if you feel you can't trust me anymore...I lied and I can't change that. There's more Pace...so much more, but I just can't...can't tell you..."

"Do you want to?" Pacey asked softly and she was silent before giving him a slight nod, "then that's ok. Look Jo, I don't pretend to know what it would be like to go through what you did. Whatever you need to do, to say, to get through it - that's fine by me."

"Thanks Pace," she gave him a look, such a gorgeous, open, heart wrenching look, that he flung himself into the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

"Now, no sex, but how about I help you get your pjs on?" He waggled his eyebrows in what he hoped was an engaging manner. She laughed and nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Joey was quiet and pale when they set off the following morning. He called through Starbucks and picked them up coffee and muffins but she didn't really drink or eat either. Pacey wanted to give her the peace and quiet she apparently needed. When they passed a welcome to Capeside sign he pulled over to the side of the road.

"Oh, we're here," she looked around coming out of whatever daze she'd been in.

"You ok?" he put a hand on hers but that didn't seem like quite enough so he unbuckled his safety belt and leaned across to kiss her. She responded in kind, one hand threading through his hair, the other undoing her safety belt until she clambered onto his lap, a knee on either side of his thighs, his near constant hard on pressed against her. The were at the side of the road, in broad daylight and yet she kissed him, and continued to kiss him until he wasn't thinking about the fact that they were on the side of the road, in his van, in broad daylight, but was wondering how to remove her clothes in the limited space. A knock at the window broke them apart. They both looked to the side to see a police officer looking in. Joey slid off his lap as he wound down the window.

"Joey Potter," the young cop stated, his tone neutral.

"Chris Wolfe," Joey was definitely bordering on irritation.

"And a mystery man," he added.

"Dr Pacey Witter," Pacey didn't often throw his title about but he didn't like the way the officer was looking at Joey so disdainfully. This dislike was furthered when Officer Wolfe let out a laugh full of disbelief and incredulity.

"Wow Potter - a doctor...let me guess you deal with head cases?" he laughed again but Joey just slit her eyes and glared,

"No but I'm sure he could recommend someone if you're really desperate," she smirked and this time Pacey laughed.

"I could write you a ticket you know," he growled.

"Fine, see if I care," she shrugged.

"Lewd behaviour can carry community service," Officer Wolfe glared back.

"Look officer... We got carried away, I'm sure a handsome guy like you understands how that can happen. We'll keep it to the bedroom from now on," Pacey rushed.

"Be sure you do," the officer glared at them both. "I'll let the chief know you're back."

"I'm not back Chris," Joey glowered but the officer glowered back, "I mean Officer Wolfe. I'm visiting my sister."

"Well try and abide by the law whilst you're here."

"Will do officer," Pacey waved and wound up the window.

"Ass," Joey growled.

"Okay..." Pacey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "as much as I'd love to continue with where that kiss was going, I think we better save it given that the law is apparently watching you!"

"My last name's Potter...they watch anyone with that name."

"Now she tells me," he teased and she gave him a little smile. "So where to?"

"Bessie and Bodie both have the day off so we'll head to the house. You drive I'll direct."

Pacey drove through the small town as Joey directed, pointing out the family restaurant on the way, then directing him out of town a little to a small house on the side of the creek. The house was tiny but didn't look old. He guessed they must have rebuilt. It was idyllic, he could almost see a young Joey there. The small dock with it's withered boards, the bright, artsy flowerpots - painted old kettles, an old wheelbarrow, the bright bench.

"I can almost picture you here," he said as they sat in the front seat of the van together.

"I never actually lived in this house. The house I grew up in was very different. It wasn't exactly beautiful. Bessie and Bodie have made this place nice."

"Well maybe this is the house you should have grown up in," he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Well I can agree with that. Let's go in. Hopefully Bodie will have made muffins."

"I bought you a muffin!" Pacey protested.

"I wasn't hungry then!" she gave him a grin.

"I'll bet you're wanting a coffee too?"

"Well now you mention it..."

"Come on then," he chuckled as they climbed out of the van and headed towards the house. Pacey was inordinately thrilled when Joey took his hand, a clear sign to her family that they were together. They climbed up the front porch steps but before they could go inside the door was opened by an extremely tall and strong looking black man,

"Joey," the man grinned, shooting a look at her hand joined with his, and then grabbed her into a hug, pulling them into the house and shutting the door. Joey kicked off her shoes, so Pacey followed suit. "You must be Pacey? Joey said you were going to drive her down here," the man shook his hand.

"You must be Bodie, right?"

"You guys want coffee? Muffins - raspberry, white chocolate, straight out of the oven?" Bodie asked with a nod.

"It's like you can read her mind," Pacey looked at the man in awe.

"She actually told me to make her raspberry and white chocolate muffins and have coffee ready for her arrival," Bodie admitted. "Bes is just putting the twins down for a nap," he ushered them into the small but cosy kitchen diner with it's poinsettia on the old farmhouse table and an eclectic mix of chairs. Pacey took a seat next to Joey and took her hand, relieved that she didn't protest. Bodie placed steaming mugs of coffee in front of them in chipped, mismatched mugs and then gave them each a plate with a muffin on it, again in mismatched, chipped china. However, despite the crockery's lacklustre appearance, the coffee smelt good and the muffin even better.

"Wow thanks," he said and Bodie grinned at him, again looking at where Pacey's hand was holding Joey's.

"Trip down ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, though Chris Wolfe felt the need to hassle me already," Joey complained.

"What was it this time?" Bodie asked and Joey had the good grace to blush,

"Pacey and I may have been kissing in his van at the side of the road," she admitted and Bodie let out a bark of laughter.

"Bessie will be thrilled to hear that," he grinned.

"Thrilled to hear what?" A woman entered the room who could only be Joey's sister. They didn't look as alike as some siblings but there were tell tale features, and certainly tell tale gestures as Bessie surveyed the scene, giving Pacey a good look and fully noting the hand holding.

"Chris Wolfe hassled Joey..." Bodie began.

"He did what?!" Bessie interrupted, "where does he get off..."

"She was so in the wrong," Bodie interrupted, "she and Pacey were making out on the side of the road!"

"You were huh?" Bessie again appraised the two of them, taking in Joey's flushed cheeks. Pacey could feel his own cheeks burning hot.

"What can I say? Your sister is irresistible," he joked.

"Joey said you two are just friends," Bessie frowned.

"Friends and sex," Joey explained quickly.

"More than I need to know Joey..." Bodie frowned. Bessie gave Pacey a hard look.

"Lay off him Bes, it would all be different in a heart beat if it was up to this guy," she rolled her eyes, "but you know..." she trailed off. Apparently Bessie did know because she didn't push it any further, but Pacey certainly felt her keen eye on him.

"We need to talk whilst the kids are sleeping," Bessie stated and Joey nodded.

"I know. Are you ok if I go talk with Bes?" she gave Pacey such a warm look that he gave her a quick kiss, his insides all soft.

"Of course, that's why we're here," he pressed another kiss to her lips.

"Thanks," she seemed reluctant to leave his side, but she did, moving through the house with her sister to somewhere more private.

"You guys call that, 'just friends,'" Bodie scoffed and Pacey looked at him.

"Well...yeah!"

"That's a damn site more than just friends if you're asking me!"

"You think?" Pacey couldn't quite keep the optimistic glee out of his voice.

"Any fool can see you're totally in love with her," Bodie shook his head and slurped his coffee, leaning back in his chair.

"And Joey?" Pacey asked. Bodie gave him a long look. For several minutes they sat in silence.

"I don't know whether Joey can love," he said at length. "With all that happened, Bessie - she fared much better. Joey, she got it the worst."

"I better be honest and say I only know a small amount of whatever you're referring to."

"I appreciate that," Bodie nodded, "you know about Alex?"

"Your son? Yeah I do."

"That it?"

"I guess. I know that she's scared..."

"Scared to think of things to terrible, scared that what she was always told might be true, but not scared of anything real. Scarred more like, and that scar is real."

"You're right, I do love her. I love her so much. I didn't expect to fall in love with her, he'll Jack was busy match making me and Jen, but when I saw her, spoke to her... It was kind of like I'd been possessed. I don't believe in love at first sight, I really don't, but I do think that when I saw Joey, I somehow just knew she and I would be great together. I've never felt this way. It's so strong and just doesn't fade."

"The Potter women have something about them that's for sure," Bodie put his empty mug down and stood to get the coffee pot. He poured more into both of their cups. "It's good to see you together, to see her with someone."

"I'm just glad she let me come," Pacey shrugged.

"You have to tell me all the dirt on you. Bessie will be pissed if I don't ask."

"What do you want to know?" Pacey chuckled.

"Everything, well that's what Bessie would say."

"Sure," Pacey gave an easy shrug. "Youngest of five kids, three girls, two boys. My dad was chief of police and now he's sheriff," Bodie laughed.

"He met Joey?"

"Yeah...he seemed to like her. As much as my dad likes anyone - he's an alcoholic."

"Ok... Makes me laugh to think of the police chiefs son in love with the convicts daughter - wouldn't happen in this town."

"No?" Pacey arched his brow, "I'm pretty sure if I grew up here with Joey it would have." Bodie laughed.

"Maybe, now carry on..."

"I grew up in Boston, my best friend is Joey's roommate Jack. We were friends since we were babies. Jack is dating my big brother Doug. I did my medical training at Yale and I work in the paediatric emergency department with Jo."

"You're a doctor?" Bodie seemed surprised at this.

"Yeah," Pacey frowned.

"You just seem young," he said.

"I just qualified."

"So girlfriends?"

"Two serious, one at high school, one at college and an affair with my high school English teacher." Pacey was honest and again Bodie gave a bark of laughter. Pacey thought he and this guy could become friends. His imagination flicked to Christmas's future, he and Joey, Bessie and Bodie, the twins and maybe even a kid of theirs, opening their presents, Joey and Bessie asleep on the couch, he and Bodie with a beer in hand chatting in the kitchen, obviously in charge of cooking and clean up. It hadn't escaped Pacey's notice that both he and Bodie were the clear chefs. Man he was so pathetic. He flicked back to the present.

"One night stands?" Bodie repeated.

"A few."

"Ok," Bodie nodded, he seemed to approve so Pacey let out the breath he'd apparently been holding in.

"Ok?"

"Yeah," Bodie seemed to take pity on him and smiled.

"You have a nice place here," he told him.

"It is nice. Smaller than the house that burnt down...we just wanted something a bit different. I built it myself, well Bessie and I did."

"Joey didn't help?"

"No," Bodie said simply. Apparently everyone in Joey's family was capable of turning off the verbal blah button and just answer questions with a yes or no.

"Why was it so necessary for Joey to see her sister today?" Pacey asked and Bodie gave him a long look.

"There used to be a boy...he lived up the creek from here. When it was needed, Joey used to take the old row boat at the end of the dock and go to his house. He didn't come here..."

"I shouldn't have asked..." Pacey hadn't thought he'd get a real answer.

"No it's ok, you better be prepared. That boy...he's planning to expose Joey's past, in an extremely public way. In a way that no one should have to endure. I think she needed the moral support because Bessie is just about the only person who can come close to knowing how it felt."

"Oh..." Pacey stared at Bodie unsure what to say.

"Eat your muffin," Bodie suggested.

"Can I do anything to help the situation?" Pacey did eat some muffin - it was good.

"Hmmm..." Bodie seemed to be thinking it over. "When it all comes out, and it will come out, well it will be absolutely obvious to you that it is about Joey. Not to everyone, maybe even just you. The thing that will help the situation most is that you don't judge and if you have questions, then call me. Don't wreck her."

"I would never..." Pacey protested but Bodie held up a hand,

"You don't know everything yet. I'm just asking that you...refrain from impulsive anger and that you refrain from directing it to her. She has undoubtably told you things...things you'll consider less true."

"She told me she'd lied," Pacey admitted.

"Sometimes we lie because the truth is to hard to admit," Bodie stated.

* * *

Pacey liked Bodie, Joey's sort of brother in law. He was a good guy, a nice guy and he clearly cared about Joey. They chatted easily for an hour or so until a cry called them both to the babies room. Pacey knew kids and liked kids, in fact he was pretty damn good with kids, and so he easily picked up Rebecca, Joey's niece and he and Bodie headed to the living room with the one year olds to play. It was a half hour later that Joey and Bessie returned.

"Put the kettle on Joey would you?" Bessie asked her eyes on Pacey.

"Sure Bess," Joey smirked and headed for the kitchen.

"So...Pacey...?" She looked at him expectantly.

"Pacey Witter," he filled in looking mildly terrified.

"Dr Pacey Witter," Bodie added for his benefit. He shot the guy a look of thanks.

"You like my sister?" she was looking at him.

"Yeah I do," he answered.

"Good," Bessie looked satisfied.

"That was simpler than I imagined," Pacey smiled, pleased and relieved.

"You're like a love sick puppy, it's obvious you more than like her and if Bodie knows what's good for him he'll have grilled you."

"Bodie knows what's good for him, and love sick puppy?!"

"You going to deny it?"

"Well no...love sick, for sure, but love sick man would make me sound a little less pathetic, I'd even take love sick dude..."

"Wow," Bessie rolled her eyes, "I can see why she likes you," the sarcasm was so familiar.

"Ha ha," Pacey took the comment as it was meant. Bessie crossed the room suddenly and stood close to Pacey, her face...well fierce was the only word Pacey could think of to do it justice.

"I might see that you love her, it might be blatantly obvious that she's crazy about you, but you haven't known her long, and you don't know anything about her. When you find out...if you hurt her, hurt her in any way, I will shove your testicles so far inside they'll see daylight," she stared Pacey down.

"I won't hurt her..." Pacey immediately defended.

"I'm not into forcing you to stay with her...she'll understand if you don't want to, but you do your best to limit the fallout," Bessie hissed and for the first time Pacey thought to wonder what might be hidden in Joey's past that had her big sister extremely protective but totally understanding should it make Pacey want to walk away.

"I'll be honest Bessie, I can't think if anything, anything at all, that's bad enough for me to not want Joey. Even if she was an ex heroine addict or prostitute, I think my mind could work with that and deal."

"Oh I like you," Bessie gave him a spontaneous hug. "I'm hoping she'll tell you before it all comes out, but don't expect her too."

"Teas ready," Joey stood their with a tray, apparently privy to some of what had been said.

"Up high now the little ones can pull to stand," Bodie took the tray and placed it on a chest of drawers. It had been a full two hours since Pacey had touched Joey so he moved across the room and took her hand, bending to kiss her.

"We're going to make some lunch," Bodie stated as he and Bessie headed through to the kitchen leaving the kids with them.

"Hey," he gave her a huge grin.

"Hey yourself," she smiled back and led him over to the couch, where they sat together, entirely to close for propriety, as Joey scooped up Sam and gave him kisses.

"I like your family," he stated.

"My family likes you," Joey gave him a sultry look and slipped off the couch to broom cars for Rebecca. Pacey followed suit, finding some wooden blocks and building towers for Sam who knocked them down with immense enthusiasm. Pacey felt his mouth twitch, felt his heart throb, felt his verbal on / off switch slide to on. He so desperately wanted to release his feelings to words, they were after all overwhelming, but he squashed them down. It wasn't Bessie's warning, the fear of what he might find out about her. He just figured his declaration of love might be necessary after whatever revelations came out.

* * *

They ate lunch chatting easily, Bessie tongue and wit as sharp as Joey's. Bodie took Pacey onside and they laughed pretty easily together. Pacey's Christmas fantasy intensified. They said their goodbyes after lunch, Bessie and Bodie hugging Joey tight, and each giving Pacey a quick hug and then they were climbing into Pacey's old van and pulling up the dirt road.

"That was a great day," Pacey informed her.

"It was nice," she nodded.

"You and Bessie have enough time?" he glanced over at her and she nodded.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Sometimes it's never enough time," he shrugged and she looked at him.

"And sometimes it's been hardly anytime and feels like forever," she looked at him. "You know Jen and Jack are my best friends? My absolute best friends? Even Doug and I are pretty close."

"Yeah I know."

"So how come you and I are close in a way I'm not with them. I mean they're still my best friends nothing could change that, but..."

"It's the sex," Pacey informed her and then shot her a cheeky grin. She actually laughed,

"Maybe this is more than just friends and that's why," she gave this small concession and Pacey reached across and took her hand. He could say a million things but he chose to say nothing, no pressure just love, being his motto.

* * *

When they arrived home Pacey and Joey somehow ended up in the back of his van together, not a huge surprise. After the cold got to them they moved indoors and Pacey excused himself to go catch up with paperwork, a very real reason. But as his door shut behind him it was with an ulterior motive that he went into his study. Turning on his laptop he organized the notes he needed to complete and then when the lap top had boosted up he logged onto the internet. At some point over the course of the day he'd come to the conclusion that Dawson Leery's semi autobiographical film might be the manner in which Joey's past would be unleashed. It was Jen's present unveiling that unleashed such a strong physical reaction in Joey, he knew shock could cause the kind of response she exhibited. So he first checked the international movie database and when he saw that Dawson Leery hailed from Capeside, MA, he was more convinced. Pre film buzz on Creekside was disappointingly vague, apparently the press company wanted you to be shocked by the film. It's R rated nature concerned him. Rather uneasily, he turned his attention to his notes and once they were done, he took a quick shower before heading across the hall.

Joey was having a shower and Jack, Jen and Doug pounced on him for information.

"What was it like?" from Doug.

"What were her family like?" from Jen.

"I bet her dad hated you on sight," from Jack. Pacey flopped into the vacant armchair.

"The town is pretty, the house was gorgeous and her sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew were great, really nice people."

"She didn't introduce you to her parents then," Doug was giving Pacey the kind of look he used to give him when they were younger, the one that said he knew Pacey was withholding, that he might even know what he was withholding.

"No, not her parents," Pacey decided to ape Joey and her family and just answer the question.

"Hi guys," Joey appeared in the doorway, the expression on her face telling everyone she'd heard their conversation. Pacey patted the arm of his chair and she moved to sit beside him, her hair still wet from her shower. She sat on the arm of the chair but she spread her arm across Pacey's shoulders and then leant forward until her lips were pressed to his ear. Traitorous sparks shot all through his body until he was self conscious his friends would see his raging hard on. Life with. Joey was damn near impossible!

"You're great," she whispered and slid off the arm of the chair and onto his lap, effectively protecting him from embarrassment.

"So what did your family make of Pacey?" Jen asked.

"Oh they hated him," Joey waved a dismissive hand, and Pacey dug his fingers into her side tickling her. She laughed,

"They loved him, even though he hadn't even entered the town and he was nearly cautioned by the police."

"Pacey," Doug sounded stern.

"It's ok Dougy, I'm not sixteen anymore. This one couldn't resist the Witter charms...and..."

"Yes?" Jack smirked.

"Well we'd pulled over," Pacey began.

"You got caught making out in your van didn't you? I warned you it was only a matter of time," Jack shook his head. "The whole damn hospital knows what you do when you disappear and there's that telltale rocking motion..."

"Enough," Joey interrupted laughing, "we weren't doing that... Just a little kissing."

"Apparently this cop doesn't like Joey," Pacey wrapped his arms around her and pulled her toward him.

"We went to high school together," Joey stated.

"And?" Jen asked, "because I'm sure there's an and there somewhere?"

"The guy was a misogynistic bastard. He treated women like objects and one day he was rude to me..."

"And?" This time the prompt came from Jack.

"Well he barged in front of me in the lunch line up, said some truly derogatory remark and so I...I guess you could say I took him down. That should serve as a warning to you all," Joey said in a serious voice. Her friends laughed.

"Took him down how exactly?" Pacey asked his hand on the sliver of skin between her jeans and her shirt.

"Knee to the groin, fist to the mouth. The guy was the quarterback, he was pretty mad."

"I think he still holds a grudge," Pacey put in.

"No kidding..." Joey trailed off. "You finish your work Pace?" Joey asked conversationally as Jack and Doug dropped onto the couch and Jen pulled out a bag of presents and began to wrap.

"Not quite," he shrugged and they all chatted together for a while. "Jo...could I talk to you?" Pacey whispered it in her ear and she nodded.

"Pacey and I are going to go get some Thai food so put your orders in."

* * *

It was cold outside and just a few flakes of snow had started to fall. Pacey thought Joey looked adorable in her big duffle coat and bobble hat. He took hand, she seemed to be ok with that, accepted that it was inevitable given his inability to be apart from her.

"What's up Pace?" she squeezed his fingers, "you took my hand so I'm taking it Bodie and Bessie didn't do anything to scare you away? Or did they?" she looked at him and he squeezed her fingers back,

"Ha ha, I loved them, and no, most definitely not scared away, not possible."

"We'll find out," she mused wryly.

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about," Pacey pulled them into a little diner that was mostly empty. They went in and the waitress seated them and took their order for coffee and pie.

"You wanted to talk," Joey had sat opposite him, their feet entangled under the table. She looked nervous.

"Bodie said someone, someone you used to know, is planning to reveal your past in a very public way."

"That's true," she nodded, her face pale, her hands wringing together in her lap.

"Would that someone be Dawson Leery?" he asked it as he took her hand. She looked pale as she nodded.

"You're too smart you know," she teased softly.

"You had a pretty big reaction to Jen's gift," Pacey shrugged.

"I knew it was coming out, obviously, and I knew some people would know it was me. I knew others, media gossips, well they'd work it out. You only have to search the Capside Gazettes news archive to discover the whole sordid story - or what people believed was the whole sordid story."

"I didn't do that. I will if you want me to. I'll watch the movie if you want me to. You can tell me if you want to," he needed her to understand. "I think I'd do pretty much anything for you."

"Why? Why do you even like me? I'm nothing special."

"You're extremely special," Pacey said simply, "you're devoted, and honest, kind, affectionate, funny, witty..."

"Shame I'm ugly," she teased interrupting him.

"Total shame," he concurred.

"I do feel it..." the words were clearly a wrench for her. "You know...the something in the pit of my stomach, the...way your touch does more than anyone else's...the connection..."

"You do?" his relief was palpable.

"Hmmm," she agreed, letting go of his hand as the waitress put their coffee and pie on the table.

"We can leave this, go to my place and talk?"

"We haven't eaten since Bodies muffins," Joey hugged her pie protectively.

"Ok, ok," he began to eat, noting that she didn't.

"I would like to tell you my side of things. I don't know what mess of a story Dawson will present, but knowing him it will be entirely self orientated and probably wrong. After all, he knew a lot but not everything," she took a sip of coffee, her pie still untouched.

"I'm happy to listen."

"I'm scared to go to the premiere, but I kind of think I have to. Maybe seeing him again will be some kind of closure? Maybe I need to sit through the torture of his dramatic interpretation of my life, his life, the way they entwined. I want to move forward Pace. Since I left home, I've just existed. You make me want to live life."

"Good," he said simply.

"Should we talk at yours? Probably easier."

"Your pie?" he gestured at her steaming cherry pie but she just shrugged.

"Not a great idea, I feel sick I'm so nervous."

"Ok, let's go then," Pacey stuck a twenty on the table and they got up. On the way home they called through the Thai place and collected their order but they dropped the others off and went to Pacey's.

Joey sat in a chair, not on the couch with him, taking deep calming breaths.

"I don't know where to start."

"Start at the beginning..." Pacey suggested.

"Ok...look, I told you some stuff once, about my dad. You need to know, that wasn't...well it wasn't how it was, that was the palatable version."

"Ok," Pacey nodded.

"I loved my mom, I really loved her. She was a great mother, and even though I could tell the town didn't approve of our family I never really thought to care. We were broke, nearly all the time when I was little. The restaurant was the town dive, left to my mother by her parents. We didn't exactly turn a profit, it was only unsuspecting tourists that came into the place.

My mother used to go out at night. I think Bessie knew what she was doing, though I didn't, not at first anyway. People would call her a whore, but she used that money to feed us. I didn't know what pushed her to that first time, but later on I'd realize it was my father. My dad...I guess at times he was the jovial dad I told you about. At other times he was violent. He wasn't a drunk, but he was a hard man. I think all the daredevil traits that attracted my mom to him, well they were the ones that made her life with him hell.

Dad had a temper on him. Bessie and I have the same temper, but where we use words, he used fists. Those times...when I hit someone, Chris being one, well I'd hate myself and vow to change. I guess I did.

So for a while life was what it was...dad was dealing drugs, it was obvious, and if it hadn't been obvious then the town gossips let Bessie and I know. School was not great but pretty early on Bessie had Bodie and people loved him. They hated them together but they loved him. I didn't have anyone but Dawson. Dawson's mom and my mom were friends in high school, best friends. His mom looked out for me as a result. Dawson looked out for me as a result. We were just friends but he was my safety, my sanctuary from the horrors of home.

When my mom got sick, life at home was pretty bad. We didn't have insurance and she pretty much wasted away. Without her...income...well Bessie and I were hungry most of the time. Dad, he was angry, always angry. He became more violent, more volatile. He had all these schemes, ways to make money. When he wasn't off committing who knows what crimes he was sleeping with women, he was a good looking guy and he was edgy I guess. Bessie would go to Bodies whenever dad was home, I'd stay with mom.

Pretty much his worst scheme involved me..." Joey stopped and looked at Pacey who was looking at her with non judgemental eyes. She bit her lip.

"I love you Joey. Whatever you say next, whatever you say this evening, I love you," he stated. She didn't respond.

"I was thirteen when he brought that first man to our house. My mom had been dead a week. I hated him, I hated him so much. I resisted. I fought like an animal and that man beat me so bad I was nearly dead. And he got his way, he still managed to rape me. Dad kept me off school, he even restrained from violence to hide what he'd done. Kept Bessie from me, Bodie everyone. That was the only time Dawson came to my place, but dad saw him off. But he saw, he saw what I looked like and I think he knew.

He and his parents tried to help, put in a report...but you know what? Nothing really happened. My dad he can tidy things up, pull his shit together when it really seemed to matter. They got him on drug charges a couple of months later.

My dad going to prison - worst and best thing. Worst because Bessie dropped out. It was her senior year and she was eighteen. If she hadn't, well I would have been taken into the foster system. With our mom dead and our dad in prison, Bessie really wanted us to stay together. I was a bit of a mess, so I didn't really care.

You know the whole nature vs. nurture thing?" she looked at Pacey with glassy, unseeing eyes, "I come down on the side of nature. I think nurture plays a role. Obviously. I mean look at me. But I managed to put what my dad did, what that man did, I put it in it's place. I allowed myself to be happy. Heck, Dawson and I even dated - innocently enough. Bessie was good to me. She and Bodie. Bodie didn't move in but he may as well have. We were just two kids living together, Bessie trying to run a failing business, me trying to just get back to normal. Bodie, he had great ideas for the Icehouse. He got friends from school to come in on evenings and weekends and help refurbish it. Bessie and I actually became part of society again. Bessie got pregnant, and yeah, that was frowned upon especially because they were young, unmarried and interracial, but they were happy and we were as happy as we could remember.

Then dad was released. He came home, of course he did. Alex was about eight months and Bodie was living with us full-time. The Icehouse was doing well. Life was good, so of course he came home. The police must have been watching him in some capacity. He was an ex-con. He didn't bother to work at the Icehouse. He showed no interest in that. It was clear, immediately clear that...that prison had hardened him. I could see it in his eyes, when he looked at me all he saw were dollar signs. It began slow, he didn't rush things like the last time, there was all sorts of psychological bullshit and blackmail that went on. He even introduced me to my would be rapists, keen to avoid a repeat of the last time.

You might wonder where Bessie was? She and Bodie stayed with his parents. There was no room for me. She felt terrible but she had to protect her son. So it was just dad and me, dad controlling me. One day I came home from school...that man, that man from when I was thirteen, he was there with dad and they were talking. I saw the drugs, I heard enough of the conversation to know that they planned to give me drugs. Heroine I guess, who knows. I guess getting me hooked was the next logical step. I'd drop out of school, our house was out of the way enough for the wayward husbands of Capeside. I ran...I ran all the way to Dawson's. I was to scared to go for the boat, scared they'd see me.

Dawson...Dawson was sceptical. Even his mom and dad didn't believe my dad would stoop so low but they agreed to help me. Make some calls. They suggested I stay with them for the night but I knew...I just knew that if that drug hit my system that would be my life from then on, slave to a drug, slave to man. I panicked." Joey looked at Pacey. "I really panicked."

"What happened?" Pacey croaked in a voice that wasn't quite his.

"I went to see Bessie. I love my sister, and she loves me, but she didn't want to hear it, not really. She didn't believe dad would do it. She said she'd speak to Bodie. So I formed a plan. It was a bad plan, a really bad plan. I bought a can of gas. I even bought the matches at the goddamn gas station. I was so naive. But when I got home...I didn't even spill the gas let alone light a match. I thought about running away. I couldn't go home. That night I hid, figured I'd try talking to Bessie again the following day.

I didn't go to school, I went to find Bessie. She was in a panic. Bodie had had an accident and he was at the hospital and there was no one to watch Alex. She begged me. I said yes. Dad would be out most of the day, gambling, dealing, who knows what. I figured...I figured that if I had Alex with me I'd be safer. I mean, who would do anything that put a baby at risk? I would never have...if I'd thought. I wanted to go get some clothes. I needed a bag of stuff - to leave with nothing...well I'd freeze, right?" Joey didn't look at Pacey, just paused for a moment.

"So Alex and I went into the house and it was quiet. I put him in my old room because he was asleep and that way he'd be with me while I packed. I grabbed a bag and began to pack. I was only there ten minutes when dad came home. He was mad. I'd seen him angry before but he saw me packing that bag and he flipped. I fought back. Of course I did, after all I'd been stupid enough to take Alex there. But dad was stronger and I guess I was knocked out. When I came to, I could barely breath. The smoke was everywhere and I could feel the heat of the flames. I could hear sirens in the distance but all I could think about was Alex. I crawled along the floor and I made it to my room. I was far to late. They didn't even know how I made it to him let alone half way to the front door with his small dead body.

They arrested me as soon as the paramedics were done with me. Apparently Dawson had seen me with the gasoline the previous night and he rushed straight to the law. He saw the fire and he fed the information straight to the cops. Of course the gas attendant backed him up. I was held for three months in a juvenile facility all the while grieving for my nephew. Grieving for the fact that my father tried to burn me alive. Bessie and Bodie never believed it. Never to my face anyway. Whether I was guilty or not I blamed myself. I felt guilty. I took that poor innocent baby to that hell house. I put him in harms way.

Dad got caught out, of course he did. I admitted that I'd thought of it. I told them I bought the gas and the matches. I was upfront about it all. Everything dad did, everything he had done. I think it made them trust me less not more. Eventually dad got caught on more drugs charges. Some guy took a plea to rat him out. That guy was the same man that raped me when I was thirteen. He told them it was dad. Dad apparently boasted. The fact that I would be implemented was the icing on the cake. He was hoping to claim the meagre insurance policy Bessie had on the house. I comforted myself that he hadn't known Alex was there. I think if I thought he knew that? That would be too much.

They released me, but I couldn't go home. I couldn't face Bessie and Bodie no matter what they said. Their child was in my care and he returned to them dead. I moved to Boston. I struggled on the streets for a while until this guy gave me a job delivering pizza. I saved all I earn't and...well from there one thing led to another. A full time waitressing job, a studio apartment in the dodgy part of town, taking my high school equivalency exam, and then applying for nursing. I got a scholarship. When I met Jen and Jack, I resisted at first - what right did I have to be happy. But eventually I began to trust them.

Their friendship gave me the courage to go see Bessie and Bodie, to begin healing the deep wounds. Again they gave me only love and no blame. And now we're here, on the brink of the whole sorry truth coming out," she looked up at him, but didn't really see him, didn't see the trail of tears on his face.

"I'm partly to blame for the death of a child," she stated. "I didn't light the match, but I made it possible for someone else to. I should have appeased dad, told him I would do what he wanted, but I thought I should fight. If I'd kept it peaceful maybe Alex would be ok? If I had just given in then, then...well then maybe dad wouldn't have tried to kill me," she swallowed the sob, the ache that arose in her whenever she thought of Alex.

"I've also been used by a man, traumatized. Beaten and broken. My own father tried to kill me. I lied. I told you I was a virgin but I'm tainted, ruined...spoilt..." she trailed off and Pacey could bare it no longer, springing across the room and resting his head on her lap, his arms around her.

"I love you, I love you, I love you...you are not spoilt...or responsible...or any of that. I understand where those feelings come from, but they aren't justified. You were a child as well. You were innocent. You were put in situations you never should have been. I'm sorry that was your life. I'm sorry I wasn't there. None of it was your fault and absolutely none of your past changes how I feel about you. I love you...that's all of you, the past I knew existed, and the past I now know about," he looked up at her aware of the tears leaking out of his eyes. He couldn't stop them though knowing all the pain she went through, the abuse and the self loathing she inflicted on herself for her fathers crime. He pushed his body between her legs and threaded his fingers through he hair, brushing his thumbs across her cheeks. "I mean it," he said firmly. "I love you."

"Pacey," she whispered his name and that was enough, her eyes sad, her expression tormented.

"I love you and I want you," he stated again. "I always want you. I'm borderline pathetic. I never stop thinking about you. Even when I'm with a patient, there's just a little bit of me thinking about you. That's why I work best when I'm with you, because you're there and that little bit can focus on you in a worky way, not an entirely unworky way. Whenever I haven't seen you I'm just desperate to see you, to talk to you, to touch you. Everything that happens to me, I think of ways to turn it into a story that will make you smile. Every time I'm with you, talking to you, touching you I feel the words bubbling up in me and it's so hard to contain them because I love you that much. I'm angry at what you've told me, but not at you sweetheart. I'm angry at your dad, I'm angry at the people who could have helped and didn't. I'm even a little angry at your sister and that's totally unfair. So you can see I'm at least rational," he pressed a kiss to her neck, the place where he first kissed her.

"I don't think Dawson's film will tell the story like that," she whispered the words into his hair and he sat back and looked at her.

"What makes you think that?"

"Things Dawson said to me...after...after they took Alex from me. Things he said to me when he visited the detention centre. He was angry Pace and he...he thought I'd done it. He didn't believe me. He told me I killed Alex. He told me that whether I lit the match or not, I killed him."

"Well Dawson is an asshole. You were a kid and you were scared. You didn't think you were putting Alex in danger, you were doing your best to escape living hell. To think the jerk called himself your friend. Trust me, whatever that film shows, we'll get through it, and if it implies things that aren't true, we'll take him to court."

"Oh god," Joey almost managed a smile and threw her arms about him, "I think I love you," she breathed the words into his shoulder.

"You think?"

"I know," she whispered at length. "As much as I can. I've never really allowed myself to love...after my dad allowed that man to...well you know...but I have this lovely feeling inside of me, through me when I think of you, whenever I'm with you. I figure it's love."

"Well good," Pacey gave her a jubilant smile, a smile at odds to the tears he'd shed.

"You cried," she stated, running a finger over the tear trail. It seemed that his smile highlighted his earlier sadness.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"You say you're ok with this, but Pacey, I know what happens. First the information seems bad but it's still distant, but then over time it becomes bigger, badder, hard to detach from the person involved. Questions pop into your head, like was I actually planning to kill my father when I bought that can of gas? Did that man wear a condom? Where is my father now? How fucked up am I? Which is stronger, nature or nurture? What is in my nature when you think of my mom and dad? What kind of mother would I make? Am I even able to carry a child after the abuse? What kind of partner?"

"Stop Joey ok stop," Pacey yelled the words, grabbing her hand. "Please stop... You're right."

"I am?" she sounded surprised, hurt.

"Yeah you are. There will be questions, other truths, other memories. You are right when you say questions will pop into my head. But you know, other kinds of questions will pop into my head too, like, does Joey prefer bing Crosby at Christmas, or the Barnaked Ladies holiday album? Or does she like chocolate spread or peanut butter and jelly? If I decided to buy Joey earrings do I go dangly or studs? Does she really prefer coffee to hot chocolate? What's her secret favourite novel, not the one she tells everyone she likes but the one she really likes?"

"Ok...I get your point," Joey gave a little sniff and a small smile.

"This...this revelation is going to dominate for a bit, but I'm completely up for working through it. I'm not going anywhere. Like I keep saying, I love you."

"You like saying it, huh?" She gave him a look.

"I love saying it," he teased.

"Hmmmm," she stood up and pushed him onto the chair before curling up on top of him and pressing her head to his chest. His heart beat aggressively.

"I love you," he ran his hand up her side, feeling the softness of her chest before he stopped it's roving.

"Maybe I should try those words out?" she looked up at him, a flirtatious tilt to her lips.

"Hmmm sounds like a great idea," Pacey flirted back.

"I..." she trailed off and bit her lip as he looked at her expectantly. "Think you're great.."

"Boo," Pacey kissed her quickly.

"I...really...really..." she peppered him with kisses, "like you."

"Boo," Pacey repeated with an smile.

"I love you," she whispered the words and Pacey broke out into a huge smile, he knew he must look like the cat that got the cream, the mouse and a bag of catnip. He didn't say anything but moved and kissed her. "I can feel your smile when you kiss me," she laughed.

"No kidding. I'm not sure I'll ever stop smiling," he kissed her again.

* * *

"You're wearing Bruins scrubs," Pacey cornered Joey mid morning. They'd been run off their feet all day but finally there was a calm moment.

"I try to wear them whenever the Bruins play - the kids like it," Joey gave him a confused look.

"I like it," Pacey told her in a low voice.

"You do?" she gave him a crooked smile.

"I really like it," he took a step closer to her. "I need you...to come with me to the van...please," he wasn't above pleading, the girl was wearing Bruins scrubs. She tilted her head and looked at him. "I really, really want you..." he growled and watched her pupils dilate.

"I'll see you there in five minutes," she gave him a professional nod and walked away.

* * *

When Joey opened the van door and clambered in, Pacey grabbed her almost immediately and kissed her long and hard,

"Oh my god...but you...are..so fricking hot in those," he growled between kisses pulling her toward the makeshift bed.

"We don't have long," she gasped.

"Believe me, I won't need long," Pacey tried to tug her onto the bed but she gave him a long stare and they kissed for a long moment, Joey's hands tugging at his scrubs, yanking them down and then squeezing his ass.

"Sit," she ordered and as he sat she shimmied out of her scrub bottoms, leaving her shirt on much to Pacey's pleasure. Pacey was then taken completely by surprise when she moved, sitting on his lap, sliding him slowly inside her, her back to his chest.

"Fuck," he grabbed at her hips as she rose and lowered herself again.

"This feels good," she moaned.

"Fuck," Pacey growled again as she repeated the motion again and again, long, slow, deep movements. Pacey was entirely right that it wouldn't take him long. When she moved her hand to her clit and he felt it there he groaned, his hips bucking upward, one hand moving up to her chest and then he came, hard. "Fucking hell Joey," he held her on him, to him.

"That was really fun," she looked over her shoulder and gave him a kiss.

"That was fucking awesome," he kissed her back, "I'm sorry you didn't...you know..."

"You can make up for it later," she told him easily with a cheeky wink.

* * *

"So we spoke to Joey," Jen slipped into a seat at Hells Kitchen, her and Jack ten minutes late to meet Pacey.

"Wow, me too," Pacey teased. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Apparently you finally told her all that you're feeling?" Jen gave him a pointed look.

"She opened up to me..."

"About what?" Jack interrupted.

"About everything I guess. All the secrets... You see..."

"It turns out she loves you too?" Jen smirked. "She told us that as well!"

"Yeah, that's pretty cool," Pacey grinned, a huge smile that lit up his whole face.

"I'm glad she could share with you," Jen frowned, "but I do wish she could share with us too."

"Believe me...that was not an easy conversation. And unfortunately she will be sharing it with you very soon."

"She said...well she said that someone is going to make a very public exhibition of her past?" Jack frowned.

"True," Pacey nodded.

"Well at least she has you," Jen slurped his beer.

"And apparently you have her in Bruins scrubs if gossip is to be believed!" Jack teased.

"So Jen, do you always steal people's beers?" Pacey gave her a pointed look and she laughed, aware that the subject was being changed.

* * *

"So I should go change," Joey murmured hollowly.

"What is with you Joey? This was meant to be a gift but you're acting like it's a death sentence," Jen glared at her best friend.

"I'm sorry Jen...I guess I'm not feeling well."

"You were feeling fine with Pacey yesterday," Jen bit out.

"Ok...so now I'm sensing some tension here," Joey ignored Pacey and moved to stand by Jen.

"I never see you anymore," Jen complained.

"I know I've been...distracted...it's just that Pacey..."

"Knows what's going on? Understands you? Allows you to open up?"

"Well I was going to go with kisses better than you, but..."

"You've never been kissed by me," Jen stated and then smiled, relaxing a little bit. She squeezed her friends arm.

"Look...lots will make sense soon. I have been spending way to much time with Pacey - he just makes me feel so damn good, but you're my best friend and I don't want to be that girl who drops her friends, I'm not that girl. It's all been a bit of a whirlwind if you want some honesty and everything has been heightened by this revelation looming over me."

"I'm sorry," Jen was contrite, "I've been busy with Drue too. I just...felt a bit jealous and I miss you. I'm being unfair. You know I love you and I want what's best for you. I actually think Pacey is what's best for you, but maybe a little more you and me time."

"I miss you too, so definitely more time," Joey hugged her friend. "Now let me go change." Joey left the room and Jen shot Pacey a guilty look. Pacey was amazed that Joey could be so calm and nice with all that was about to occur.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The film began in the darkened cinema and Pacey could feel the tension emitting off Joey in waves, from where she sat in the aisle seat next to him. She was actually shaking and it was just opening credits, though they were scenes eerily reminiscent of his recent experiences in Capside. The camera swept over the creek and a broken down house, and old dock into view. It swept further along the dock until it ended up focused on a beautiful, large creekside house, where an argument was occurring inside. An argument between two women, two friends, one urging the other not to marry the guy. But the woman revealed she was pregnant.

Pacey had to hand it to Dawson Leery, the film was a beautiful piece of cinematography. The story wove in and out of the past and present. The girl he knew to be Joey, aged four, hiding in her dirty house, in her dirty dress, fearing her violent father, reading books stolen from the local library. And that representation of Joey was as good as it got in many ways, although the female actress stole the show. The guy playing the Dawson character was your classic romantic hero, the thinker, the romantic, the guy who wanted to believe the best in people, a huge contrast to the female lead, the gritty underdog, used, abused, beaten, but befriended by the romantic boy, the boy who wanted to see the good in her, wanted to see beyond the whore who was her mother, beyond the violent drug dealing father, beyond it all. Then things escalated.

There was the scene Pacey had been dreading. Joey gripped his hand so hard he knew there would be marks, but she watched it anyway - watched as the the girl was beaten and raped, screaming, crying, fighting with every breath to avoid the inevitable. It was horrific, a dramatic masterpiece but truly horrific in every true sense of the word. Pacey looked away, saw Jen, saw her tears and felt his own. He turned to Joey but she had her eyes covered. Then the film took a turn Pacey hadn't expected, when more men followed that first - after she healed. Joey gripped his hand harder. The arrest came later, and was for drug trafficking and assault. There followed a time of resolution in the film. The boy helped the girl to heal. She was fragile and hard all in one go. Pacey winced at the lunch line scene, so reminiscent of Joey's recent story. There followed the love story. The boys eventual acceptance of the girls past, of her impurity. And then came her fathers release. The film followed Joey's story of her fath

Chapter 7

The film began in the darkened cinema and Pacey could feel the tension emitting off Joey in waves in the aisle seat next to him. She was actually shaking and it was just opening credits, though they were scenes eerily reminiscent of his recent experiences in Capside. The camera swept over the creek and a broken down house, and old dock into view. It swept further along the dock until it ended up focused on a beautiful, large creekside house, where an argument was occurring inside. An argument between two women, two friends, one urging the other not to marry the guy. But the woman revealed she was pregnant.

Pacey had to hand it to Dawson Leery, the film was a beautiful piece of cinematography. The story wove in and out of the past and present. The girl he knew to be Joey, aged four, hiding in her dirty house, in her dirty dress, fearing her violent father, reading books stolen from the local library. And that representation of Joey was as good as it got. The guy playing the Dawson character was your classic romantic hero, the thinker, the romantic, the guy who wanted to believe the best in people, a huge contrast to the female lead, the gritty underdog, used, abused, beaten, but befriended by the romantic boy, the boy who wanted to see the good in her, wanted to see beyond the whore who was her mother, beyond the violent drug dealing father, beyond it all. Then things escalated.

There was the scene Pacey had been dreading. Joey gripped his hand so hard he knew there would be marks, but she watched it anyway - watched as the the girl was beaten and raped, screaming, crying, fighting with every breath to avoid the inevitable. It was horrific, a dramatic masterpiece but truly horrific in every true sense of the word. Pacey looked away, saw Jen, saw her tears. He turned to Joey but she had her eyes covered. Then the film took a turn Pacey hadn't expected, when more men followed that first - after she healed. Joey gripped his hand harder. The arrest came later, and was for drug trafficking and assault. There followed a time of resolution in the film. The boy helped the girl to heal. She was fragile and hard all in one go. Pacey winced at the lunch line scene, so reminiscent of Joey's recent story. There followed the love story. The boys eventual acceptance of the girls past, of her impurity. He loved her, and it was because as damaged as she was she was sweet, with an innocence that contrasted so wildly to her experiences. And then came her fathers release. The film followed Joey's story of her fathers release. The whispered conversations, the girl crouched on the dirty porch hearing the plans they had for her and her desperate flight to the boy and his parents. Only then did the story veer. The boy listened, supported, urged patience from her but she didn't listen. though he promised to protect her she fled.

The film very artistically showed her purchase of gas and matches, of her decision to kill her father though it stopped short of her lighting it. She was interrupted by the boy calling to her, not by her own change of heart. He'd come to find her, to protect her he said, and they argued. She wouldn't trust him and she ran.

When the girl and her baby nephew entered the house Pacey almost stood up and left, but when he looked at Joey she seemed angry, and stoic so he remained in his seat. The next few minutes of film were deliberately confusing. The father returned home and a fight ensued, then the screen went black. It was black for almost too long, but when the screen lit up there was smoke, lots of it, the crackle of flames, the roar of the heat. The camera then showed the girl crawling through the burning building to reach the child, followed by the desperate struggle to escape the inferno. A fireman dragged her out but she wouldn't let go of the baby. For Pacey that was the worst scene, that and the rape. The girl stood, bloody, burnt and clinging to the lifeless body of the child. The paramedics had to drag him from her, her screams echoing.

The scene changed to her arrest, soot, dirt and blood still all over her. The girl in handcuffs, and the boy approached. He accused her of murder, of selfish behaviour, of acting without thinking. He and his parents had offered her an escape, but she hadn't trusted them. He told her the child's death was for nothing and that she killed him. Oh the speech was poetic alright. Full of heroism, anguish, attempted understanding, and tortured heartbreak at her betrayal. Pacey nearly threw up.

The film showed the eventual arrest of the girls father, the disregard he held for his daughter only to clear. It was brutal. The girl left the detention facility and disappeared, the film ending with the boy, alone on his dock, a contemplative voice over about how he grew up that summer.

Pacey was fucking furious. The hell it was Dawson Leery's coming of age story! It was a flagrant abuse of someone else's abuse used to exalt Dawson himself.

The crowded theatre erupted in applause. Jen, Jack and Doug included.

"I'll fucking kill him," Pacey offered softly but the fury evident. She turned to him with a shocked expression.

"You don't hate me?" she asked in a bewildered voice. "I thought you'd hate me."

"I have questions. I do. I'm inclined to trust your version not his, but I can understand why you may have withheld certain...certain..."

"I told you the truth," her eyes flashed and he took her hand.

"I wouldn't have cared...well I would have, but in the positive way, not in the I wouldn't want you way..we covered yesterday, and the day before and the day before, and well heck, everyday, that I'll always want you..."

"Um you can stop talking now Pace.." Joey was uncertain, her confidence gone.

"Joey...that was pretty horrific, even for me..."

"I'm ok... I think I'm ok," she was exceedingly pale and she was shaking. Her face was wet.

"We don't have to go Jo," he told her. "You don't have to face him."

"You know what, I'm kind of sick of secrets and I'm sick of keeping everything inside and I'm even sicker of his entitled ownership of the things that happened."

"What did you think guys?" Jen leaned over, enthusiastic eyes between them.

"I think I'm looking forward to our chat with Mr Leery," Joey attempted bravado but sounded shaky and on the brink of tears.

"Meh," Pacey said with a shrug watching Jens eyes take in his hand clasped around Joeys.

"You didn't like it? I thought it was beautifully filmed and the character Sam was awesome. The story was horrific of course, I sobbed like a baby. The male lead was just...extremely annoying, I mean how misogynistic can he get? And I don't even think he was like that on purpose. I think he was written as the hero - its really meant to be his coming of age story, but quite frankly that girl stole the show. What that poor girl went though and how brave she was..." Jen told them enthusiastically and completely innocently. Joey reacted by leaning across Pacey and throwing her arms around Jen whilst Pacey chuckled.

"What did I miss Joey?" Jen frowned at her friends pale face.

"Oh, just everything I never told you."

"Ok?!"

"Don't worry, I'll explain later - where to next?" Joey leant back and into Pacey. Jen gave her a long look and frowned slightly.

"We head next door to the restaurant. They've closed the whole thing for this audience with Dawson Leery. They sold like 40 tickets. It's extremely exclusive," Jen clicked her tongue like she was thinking about something less than pleasant.

"Let's go then," Joey tried to smile but instead leant into Pacey. Loving that he could, he wrapped his arm around her.

* * *

Joey and Pacey fell into step behind Jen, Jack and Doug knowing full well they were being discussed.

"What do I say to him?" Joey asked quietly.

"Whatever you want," Pacey kissed the warm skin on her neck, "I'll be with you."

"Thank you," she whispered as they were seated with the others at a round table. A waiter immediately served wine and put bread on the table, the first part of the set menu.

"So Joey," Jen gave her friend a pointed look. Joey was practically glued along one side with Pacey. "Are you ok? Are you ok being here?" Jen was staring at her friend, Pacey was staring at Jen, wondering whether she'd figured it out.

"Mmmm, yeah...I guess."

"Is there anything you want to tell us?" Jen was being pointed but kind. "Maybe I'm wrong but I think..."

"Don't say it," Joey shook her head. "Not after that film, I don't want to hear the words out loud."

"I'm so sorry...if I had known, I would never have...ever...oh," Jen burst into tears.

"Jen, it's ok," Joey was beside her friend in an instant. "Please don't cry."

"To have us all find out like that? No, not ok," Jen sniffed.

"You understand why I told Pacey now..."

"Oh yes, I totally understand."

"Am I the only one who's lost?" Jack frowned and Doug shook his head.

"No clue," he stated.

"You will," Pacey growled.

"I just feel so bad," Jen was murmuring.

"This is a good thing," Joey attempted, still pale. "I needed this to happen and the timing was right..."

"Yeah right," Jen interrupted with a scoff.

"Things had begun to change...I met Pacey and well... I can't hardly resist him, but I couldn't go forward with him either, because of all that. Now I think I can. Hell, I even took him to meet my family. You know that's huge. It's better that you all find out at once, and hell, at least I don't have to tell the story again myself - that's the hard bit."

"Joey," Jen hugged her friend long and hard, releasing her as someone came to a small stage at the back of the restaurant and introduced Dawson Leery.

Dawson appeared on stage and the audience applauded, falling silent at his hand gestures. Pacey had to hand it to him, the guy could speak well about his work, he was even funny at times. He talked about the work that goes into a movie, about finding the right actors for parts, the right place to film. Then he talked more about Creekside, about the semi autobiographical nature of the movie and why he felt like it was the right time to make it. After about half an hour he opened the floor to questions. Pacey and Jen raised their hands and eventually he called on Jen.

"The film is semi autobiographical. I'm interested in whether the part of Sam was the semi bit, or did you actually get her permission to portray her if she's a real person, which I assume she is?"

"That's a great question," Dawson's eyes shone, "the character of Sam is a complex one. She, and the events in her life are based on reality, on the life of a girl I grew up with. The semi autobiographical sections are the bits that come to the story second hand, through her, to me as it were."

"So you spoke to her about the part? Because that was a lot of truth about another persons life that was supposed to be an autobiographical film?"

"Well no. The film is from the characters Colby's point of view. It his his view of the world and all that effects his passage to manhood. That girl was crucial in shaping me, as Sam is crucial in the shaping of Colby. Her decisions and choices, they led her to that one moment that changed both their lives forever."

"So you didn't ask her?" Jen asked again.

"She disappeared. She left the detention facility when she was apparently cleared of the crime and no one ever found her again."

"It's just that the story is more hers than yours? How exactly was his life changed?"

"You're missing the point," Dawson enthused. "Their lives were entwined from before they were born. Their twin stories interweave, connect and disconnect, but she made him the person he is. The girl I grew up with made me the man I am."

"How exactly? All I saw was her tragic story played out on screen for the world to see. Oh it was well done, but Colby is a bit part, he dances on the outskirts of what is, from start to finish, her story. So she runs to him, and we hear him waxing lyrical about what he can do to help, but he doesn't actually help."

"Of course he does," Dawson seemed less jovial but his eyes shined as though he were loving the challenge. "He offers her an out. He offers her the chance to escape from her father."

"Without recognizing how terrified she is," Jen challenged.

"She puts her infant nephew in danger. Does it matter how terrified she is?"

"Do you think she actually killed him?" Jen clearly did not. Pacey was full of admiration for Jen who only had Dawson's film to go on and yet disregarded his fallacies as if she knew them to be such.

"I saw my friend with the gas can and lighter in hand. That was how the fire started."

"But it's just not logical. It's ludicrous. She took the child back there to pack her bag, to escape. She clearly thought the child could protect her. The father tried to kill her."

"No, no," Dawson shook his head. "The film is meant to leave the answer as to who set the fire hanging."

"Well I guess I drew my own conclusion," Jen stated.

"There's no way that's the obvious conclusion." Dawson passionately infused, "that moment when Colby offers her refuge and she plans to kill him instead, that's the defining moment in Sam's life, where she gets to choose which path her life will take. She isn't strong enough to stand up to her father and ultimately her life follows that criminal path."

"No offence, but she was fifteen," Jen frowned slightly, her expression of discontent dull compared to Pacey's.

"Old enough to know better."

"No, she was used and abused and she was a child. No way she set that fire and if she did who could blame her? If she did you can bet she wouldn't have been the one to take that child into that house."

"You see I believe she set the fire. I believe she tried to burn the house down. The only bit I can't reconcile is why she took her nephew there. I don't understand why she murdered her nephew."

"Supposedly in your film, though I believe her father admitted to the crime." Jen put in with a scowl.

"She still took him to the house of a violent, abusive, drug dealer..."

"But she was a child?" Pacey wasn't sure what had come over him but he felt the need to reiterate the point. "Sam clearly feels that the child offers some protection and it makes no sense for her to have started the fire."

"You're getting hung up on the wrong points, maybe we should take some other questions."

"So what exactly are the points of the movie we should be hung up on?" Pacey asked.

"The film is a dramatic interpretation of my life," Dawson scowled at the man.

"And mine," Joey stood up. "And it's wildly inaccurate in places."

"I said interpretation," Dawson faltered at the sight of Joey, clearly for the entire audience to see. Jack and Doug stared open mounted, a lot of things suddenly making sense.

"For one I didn't steal library books. The librarian gave them to me. She knew I liked to read. She was a friend. Secondly, I was raped by only one man. Also, I didn't kill my nephew, though for most of my life I've felt like I did. My father tried to kill me and you...you took that crime, that sole destroying act of a father trying to kill his child and you made it about me killing that innocent little baby? My father beat me until I was unconscious that day and then he tried to kill me and I thank the stars that at least he didn't know Alex was in the building, because for me that somehow makes it better. When I went to you and told you my father was planning to get me hooked on drugs and basically prostitute me to any and every man I was met with disbelief. You didn't exactly offer to help me. You told me to stay the night and we'd look into it in the morning. I was terrified and your disbelief emanated off you like fumes... You...you didn't believe me. You think I didn't know that? I knew I'd end up back with that man and I panicked. But I never lit that match. I never would. You were my best friend. I loved you and I trusted you and you didn't help me and you told people I'd done something you should have known better than anyone I couldn't have done. I loved my nephew. I loved Alex so much. I live with the guilt of what happened every day of my life. Every single day, but that film? That film isn't autobiographical it's a misinterpretation of my life, from your point of view," and she sat back down, shaking. A stranger put up their hand a few tables over and when Dawson said nothing the man stood up. He had to be about fifty,

"I have to agree with the girl. The boy didn't understand the girl and what she'd been through, how scared she was. She did nothing wrong, she was a child. The real criminal was the father," and he sat down.

"I agree," Doug had stood up, "I'm a police officer and whilst the evidence may have indicated the girl, logic didn't. She was a traumatized minor but to start a fire with the child in the house doesn't make sense. Colby is way to hard on Sam, and you are entirely unfair to Joey."

"Time to go," Jen announced and all five of them stood up.

"You need to say more before we leave?" Pacey asked softly and Joey shook her head.

"I want to go home," she tucked her arm into his.

* * *

"I can't really apologize enough Joey," Jen was distraught and kept pacing in front of the television. Jack and Doug were cuddled together on the love seat. Joey was as close as she could possibly manage to Pacey on the couch, his arms threaded about her.

"Sit down Jen and don't be sorry. That man has been holding me back from everything for so long. He was my boyfriend, but mostly he was my only friend. When he said something it was gospel. He really was the town golden boy and I really was from the wrong side of town, but we were friends and he was there for me...until he wasn't. He just pushed all the life out of me. He made me feel like the very worst person on earth and I swore then that I would never date, never get close enough to let someone hurt me like that again. It was kind of nice to hear everyone call him on it, to get to confront him about it."

"But..."

"No buts Jen. I should be thanking you, all of you for...well for knowing I didn't start the fire, for not judging me...for well...for still liking me..."

"Still liking you?" Doug sounded horrified.

"I'm not who you thought I was."

"Joey," Jack was staring intently at her, "what you went through...you're our friend. So much of who you are makes sense, but you are wonderful. To be the funny, sweet, gorgeous girl you are after all that? You're great."

"Ok..let's talk no more about it, I'm kind of done," she tugged Pacey's arms tighter about her.

"Some Christmas present though," Jen sulked and Joey actually laughed.

"I think it was a rather wonderful Christmas present," she stated and when Jen frowned she elaborated, "I'm hugging a guy on the couch, a guy I can admit I love and I don't have to hide my past anymore. I think that says a lot."

"You're welcome," Jen smirked.

"Yeah huge thank you," Pacey grinned and Joey gave him a grin over her shoulder, "I totally owe her," he whispered and kissed her quickly, then again but for much longer, a kiss broken by the pillow accurately thrown by Jack.

"Like you can talk Jackers," Pacey threw the pillow back.

"Oh you want to get into that do you boys?" Jen grabbed a couple of cushions and looked dangerous before flinging them across the room.

"I'm outta here," Joey downed her beer and pulled out of Pacey's tight embrace.

"Can't take the heat," Jen taunted.

"Don't tempt me to turn on you," Joey warned and then looked down at Pacey who looked like the cat that lost the cream. "Are you coming?" she quirked a brow at him.

"Hell yeah," he promptly stood up. Joey was a roller coaster but he was fine with that. One look from her and he was mush, the hint of more and he turned into some pathetic, eager five year old. He was totally besotted.

"Your place?" she tilted her head to one side in question and he was so turned on he pushed her out the door and across the hall, pressing his lips and body against her, the door between him and what he really wanted. She kissed him back with just as much fever and he groaned into her mouth.

"We could do this out here or you could open the damn door," her voice was low and a complete turn on, not that he needed turning on any more than he already was. Like a total clutz he fumbled his keys, finally managing to unlock the door. Slamming the door behind him he pressed her against it again, tugging at her clothes, not caring how desperate he might seem. All he could think of was her, and all he wanted to do was get her naked.

"I need you," he growled.

"Then have me," she growled back pushing his shirt off and yanking at his offending belt. "Now," she ordered and then gasped loudly as he pushed inside her grabbing at her ass as he did so. "Pace," she moaned his name, a soft lament and he lost it, moving inside her harder and faster, her legs gripping him around his waist, her back slamming into the door. "Pacey," she moaned again but this time it was more urgent and that urgency called to him, until they both came. Though it was over Pacey didn't move straight away, but stood with her still wrapped around him, his face pressed into her neck.

"I can't think around you," he murmured. "I'm so completely crazy for you."

"Good," she sighed and dropped her legs. "Thank you for today."

"Never need to thank me. I'm just happy I get to be here with you."

"Can we go lie in bed?" she smiled against his hair because he still hadn't moved.

"Yeah," he whispered and allowed her feet to touch the floor, put a little space between their bodies, pulling up his boxers and then walking to his room with her. They got under the covers and he pulled her to him.

"I'm so in love with you," he kissed her neck.

"Good," she sighed.

"But I'm still falling in love with you."

"Make up your mind Witter, are you falling or have you fallen?" she gave him a sultry little look.

"I'm not sure I'll ever stop falling in love with you," he kissed her shoulder.

"Cheeseball," she teased him.

"The feeling is fading already," he grumbled teasing back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Four years later**

Pacey looked down, as he did many times a day, at the gold band adorning his left hand. It had been there for six months. He shuffled himself in the vans drivers seat and then pulled over to the side of the road. Reaching over he shook Joey's shoulder, running his hand down her arms and then catching hold of her hand that wore a ring that matched his.

"Jo," he smiled at her moan, and then again at the way her hands rubbed her protruding stomach. Oh it was a smallish bump, but he loved every ever expanding bit of it. She'd started throwing up four months into their seven month honeymoon in his expertly refurbished van (he wasn't above self-congratulations). She'd taken a test at his behest although they both knew it would be positive. Looking at Bert, the mongrel dog, sat at Joey's feet he smiled again. Bert had been the first thing that bound them together as a family. After the release of Dawson's film things were tough, but through all the media attention, the hospital gossip, he and Joey had grown ever stronger. Everything between them grew stronger, and the ridiculous, heart stopping desire and love for her, just never ever faded. He figured that was a good thing, so after a couple of years he bought her Burt. Burt would live at his place but it was her dog. When he'd introduced her to the gorgeous fur ball of a puppy, the name Burt had been a little joke of his, but she had immediately latched onto the name and the puppy that bore it. Within weeks he suggested she move in and she jumped at the chance. It was a time of change for all of them. Joey moved in with Pacey, Jen moved in with Drue a couple of blocks away and Doug and Jack finally moved in together, taking over the lease of the place opposite Pacey and Joey. It had worked out incredibly well.

The proposal, well that had been tricky. He'd wanted it to be classic and yet unique, which of course it was, when she dropped to one knee and asked him to marry her after the worlds worst date. She'd stolen his thunder but he couldn't really care less and said yes provided he could buy her a ring. Granted, he may have gone a little overboard when he gave her the ring, but who could blame him. It had taken a lot of work to find the right ring, not just any old single solitaire but something worthy of Joey, simple and yet beautiful. He then couldn't deal with just handing it over, so he organized a treasure hunt. The treasure hunt was great as they spent a weekend travelling here there and everywhere, visiting all the places that meant something to them. They'd ended up at her sisters place where he'd buried the ring under an X. Turns out Bessie and Bodie hadn't passed the memo on to Sam and Rebecca who'd dug up the ring and made a whole other treasure hunt. Well, they'd found the ring in the end, and he liked to think he remained very calm in the face of losing the perfect ring for his girl.

The wedding, that actually had been perfect. They'd chosen a winter wedding which seemed strange but suited their travel plans best. In fact what had seemed a strange decision was actually perfect. They got married in Boston, Joey couldn't face a Capeside wedding. Bodie had given her away and the twins and Jen had followed her up the aisle. It was small, intimate, perfect, simple. Really, really simple and the best day of his life.

The honeymoon had been something they'd both dreamed up. They wanted to take the van and go wherever they wanted. Wherever they wanted had been as far south as Mexico, as far west as the entire west coast. And as far north as the Northwest Territories. They'd travelled the mid lands, the deserts, through mountains and plains. They decided to see the southern states and spent the 4th of July at Quay West, before heading north along the eastern seaboard. Until this point.

"Jo," he shook her shoulder again.

"Mmmm, hey Pace," she looked around as she woke up, saw the Welcome to Capeside sign, and then gave him a positively wanton look.

"No," he flushed red, "I woke you because we're here not to do that, here again," he was now turned on.

"Oh," she looked disappointed and pulled his hand to her mouth giving his finger a provocative kiss.

"Now you know better than anyone Potter, that I would love to take you back there and ravage you but...I think we have a history of getting caught on this particular patch of road..."

"And yet you always pull over here," she pointed out with a sultry little smile before grabbing his t-shirt in her fist and pulling him towards her kissing him deeply and with intent. Whilst Pacey was all for the hormone induced aggressive sex Joey was so fond of since she'd gotten pregnant, he knew there was a cop always roaming this stretch of road from repeated experience. But she was kissing him like it was never going to end, her hands unplugging her belt until she was sliding onto his lap. And then, of course, the banging on the window. It was inevitable. Pacey wound down the window.

"Officer Wolf," he gave the guy a big grin. Even Chris hid a smirk.

"Every time," he mused. "It's been a while though?" There had been a definite softening in the way Chris treated them since Creekside came out. Joey actually gave the guy a smile, a sort of soft smile before she looked at Pacey and bit her lip.

"Something about this patch of the road. We apologize and we'll get going," Pacey gave Chris a charming, engaging smile, the sort of smile that got Pacey out of all sorts of trouble.

"See you the next time you're back, same place I'm sure! And congratulations for the wedding and the baby," he gestured to Joey's belly.

"Thanks," she smiled and slid off of Pacey as Officer Wolf moved away.

"Anything to say Joey?" Pacey gave her a pointed look.

"I know I said he'd never catch us again..."

"Vowed after the incredibly naked last time..."

"So I admit he got a bit of an eyeful..."

"My ass," Pacey gave her a stern look but she grinned.

"Your mighty fine ass," she clarified and he laughed.

"Let's say we get to your sisters Potter, park a little way up the drive and then I'll show you my mighty fine ass?"

"Yes please," she plonked back in her seat.

"You know it's really quite incredible that he manages to be on this bit of road, every single time we are. I know Capeside is small..."

"But you'd think he'd have better things to do?" She rolled her eyes and Pacey hit the breaks, pulling them back to the side of the road.

"You rolled your goddamn eyes honey, and now you're going to unplug your belt, go to the back of the van, take off all your clothes, and you missy, you are going on top, so it is your ass he sees when he inevitably comes knocking on the window again," he waited expectantly - she knew exactly what the eye roll did to him.

"Ok," Joey laughed at his expression and scrambled through to the back of the van, when her bra hit him in the face he scrambled after her.

"You're crazy Potter," he groaned as she taunted him, kissing his neck, and holding herself just out of reach.

"Just fine with the fact that he might see my ass and I get to do this," and she slid onto him, pushing her body down so he was deep inside of her. Pacey groaned, unable to help himself.

"Again," he begged when she didn't immediately move. Much to his relief she complied. "Well I like this," he waggled his eyebrows at her as she moved on him, more cowgirl style than he was used to.

"Get used to it, the bump is in the way," she moaned. "And touch me," she grumbled, grabbing his hand and moving it between her legs.

"Oh man," whenever she did that Pacey found self control a challenge.

"Joey," she told him patronizingly, "my name is Joey."

"I could get used to this," Pacey groaned again.

"Yeah, apparently you will, this and the sight of my butt," Joey moved and gave him a saucy look.

"This pregnancy thing is so...so awesome," Pacey have her clit an expert flick.

"It goes some way to making up for the dry spell that inevitably follows the baby," she moved and he focused on her, determined to make sure she came too.

"There'll be a dry spell?" Pacey feigned shock.

"You betcha," she grinned and he smiled back and then she did some little move, a sort of turn of her hips and he cried out coming hard, fast and totally by surprise. She looked positively delighted with herself so he proved a point by moving his fingers just so until she collapsed next to him with a contented moan.

"I love you," he told her, looking at her large brown eyes, eyes he could drown in. Man he was a total sucker for his wife, totally, one under percent awed by her.

"Mmmm," she tucked her head against his chest, her arm snaking round him, her naked form pressed along his body.

"You make me laugh but we called Bodie from the road...I'm pretty sure you want muffins whilst they're hot?" he kissed her shoulder and she grudgingly opened an eye and looked at him.

"Fine," she grumbled, and threw on a pair of leggings, his old hockey shirt and absolutely nothing else. Pacey gulped. Now he was screwed at focussing through catch up.

* * *

Bessie practically wet herself with excitement over the sight of Joey's stomach. They'd decided to keep it a secret and let the bump speak for itself when they returned. Bodie didn't hold back and hugged both Joey and Pacey before bringing out a tray of muffins.

It was later that Pacey realized his fantasy of years earlier was finally coming true. Bessie had put the twins to bed after a loud, funny meal where Joey and he made everyone laugh with tales of their travels. Bodie had cooked with Pacey's help and then inevitably they'd ended up cleaning up as well whilst the girls read the kids stories. It was a little later with the warm sun setting over the creek, when he and Bodie were sat on the porch with a beer that Pacey realized life was actually pretty near perfect. The girl of his dreams, was also the girl of his reality, and she was real, not a fantasy of love at first sight. A reality of a brutal past but one that she healed from every day.

"So...I need to tell you something..." Bodie stated.

"Bessie's pregnant? Yeah I kinda figured that out," Pacey gave him a grin.

"Well yeah, but no, that's not it..."

"Congrats," he told his brother-in-law who grinned back at him. Then he sobered up,

"No, Dawson is back in town."

"This town?" Pacey squeaked.

"Yep. Came over yesterday and and apologized. Asked for Joey's contact details. We said no, but we did say that when she came through on the way back from her honeymoon we would mention it to her. We decided to mention it to you first."

"I'm perfectly capable of handling news like that," Joey spoke from behind them. "I'm not a fragile little girl in need of protecting." She was angry. Pacey had been on the receiving end of Joey's anger enough times to recognize it - they were normal after all and could bicker plenty good.

"He knows that hon," Pacey attempted and she turned her glare on him, hand on hip. Boy was she hot.

"Oh really, so why is he out here discussing it with you?" She was practically shooting lasers from her eyes. Pacey really wished she wasn't just wearing his hockey shirt and leggings as he felt a familiar pulse thrum through his body.

"Because he cares about you," Pacey stated.

"Well in case you all missed it I dealt with my past. I confronted Dawson, I told my friends the truth, I fell in love. I have even managed to have a healthy, happy relationship with the most perfect guy in the whole world. I'm having a baby for goodness sake. I am ok."

"But you weren't Joey. Not for years," Bodie looked down, "and...well...neither were we..."

"I know," Joey calmed down instantly and tears filled her eyes. She slipped onto Pacey's lap, his arms wrapping around his wife, holding her close.

"I'm sorry," Bodie told her.

"No I am. Though you didn't need to do it, I can understand why you would talk to Pacey first."

"What else did he say?" Pacey asked.

"Just that. He's at his mom and dads."

"Ok," Joey frowned but remained silent.

"I'm going to go see Bes," Bodie stood and Joey caught his hand,

"Congratulations Bodie. I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks Jo, the feeling is mutual," he squeezed her hand and headed inside.

For a long time they sat together in silence, watching the sun drop off the edge of the world.

"It really is beautiful here, you know Potter."

"I know," she sighed. "I used to think it was some sort of cruel irony to live such an awful life somewhere so beautiful, but now I'm kind of glad."

"You are?" Pacey never failed to be interested in what she had to say.

"Yeah...I think had I lived somewhere ugly, and my early life being so ugly, maybe it would have been harder to move forward, to see the beauty in anything. It's funny, but since you, I see beauty in everything."

"Well now that's just about the nicest thing...ever," Pacey pressed his lips against her neck.

"You've turned me into one of those people, the ones so in love they're saps."

"Pleased to hear it," he kissed her neck again.

"I want to see Dawson," she stated and he tensed. "And I want you to come with me. Would you do that?"

"Yeah," he said simply.

* * *

So Pacey found himself sat at the kitchen table of a house not dissimilar to the one in the movie. He had rowed Joey there, something she had thoroughly enjoyed.  
They'd travelled there early and it must have been only nine when they knocked on the door. A pretty, middle aged woman answered. For several moments she stared at Joey, shock and guilt on her face.

"Joey," she hugged his wife close and then held onto her shoulders taking a good look at her. "You're beautiful Joey...and pregnant!"

"Hi Mrs Leery," Joey sounded about fifteen even to Pacey's ears.

"Gale, call me Gale, you're a grown woman," Gale ushered them into the house and shut the door.

"This is my husband, Pacey Witter," Joey held onto his hand tightly.

"It's so nice to meet you," Gale looked him over, Pacey could feel her eyes running up and down him even though he was looking at the guy approaching them.

"Joey," the man gave her a big smile, "wow, it's been years..."

"Hi Mr Leery," Joey smiled a quick smile.

"This is Joey's husband Pacey," Gale introduced and before he knew it they were sat around the table drinking coffee (tea for Joey.)

"What is it you do Pacey?" Mitch broke the slightly awkward silence that had fallen.

"I'm a doctor. I work in the paediatric emergency unit most of the time."

"Wow," Mitch whistled and Gale gave him an impressed smile.

"And you Joey?"

"I'm a nurse actually. I work in the paediatric wards. I was in emergency like Pace, but I moved into the wards. I wanted to focus on long term treatments."

"You've done so well with your life Joey," Gale couldn't hide the surprise.

"Don't sound so surprised," Joey arched her brows at the older woman.

"I didn't mean to sound condescending but you went through a lot."

"I know," Joey said simply, "actually we were wondering if Dawson was here? He wanted to see me."

"Well he should be home any minute. He was walking his sister to school."

"He has a sister?" Joey's eyes widened.

"Yes, rather late in the day we gave him a sister, Lillian..."

"Like my mom," Joey frowned.

"We were best friends," Gale stated as the front door opened.

"I'm back guys, one Lily safely delivered."

"You have a guest honey," Gale called.

"Joey," Dawson stood in the kitchen and stared, full out stared. Pacey couldn't really blame the guy, Joey was worthy of a good stare with her long brown hair, tanned skin, and sparkling eyes. She also looked extremely good in her skirt and halter top combo. "Wow...you look amazing utterly beautiful." For the first time since Pacey had heard of Dawson, the guy seemed like a polite, nice guy, someone he could imagine would have appealed greatly to a young Joey.

"Apparently I glow," she rolled her eyes and Pacey gripped her hand pointedly, she shot him a little smile.

"You do, you do," Pacey agreed.

"But then again they say all pregnant women glow," she gave a dismissive shrug.

"I'm biased but you definitely glow more than most," Pacey stated.

"You do Joey. When is your baby due?" Dawson asked and Pacey caught a hint of something in his tone.

"Around Christmas," she said.

"Mom, dad...I don't suppose I could have a few minutes with these guys?" Dawson looked at his parents who stood and made a polite exit.

"You wanted to talk?" Joey stated.

"Yeah," Dawson's eyes shifted to Pacey, taking him in, eyes appraising.

"Pacey Witter, Joey's husband," he stated unable to get rid of the hard note in his voice.

"So here it is," Dawson sat down at the table and looked at Joey. "I'm sorry. I'm not just sorry for making Creekside but for everything. I don't think I'll ever be more sorry in my life than I am about how I messed things up with you. You were right...when you came to me I didn't believe you. I knew you were scared but I never really thought your dad had done it to you when you were thirteen. I saw you beaten but...and this is the bit it's hard to admit, my sheltered life didn't give me any capacity to think such things might have been true."

"You were a child as well Dawson," Joey told him.

"A spoilt one. I loved you Joey, I did and I'm ashamed to admit I believed rumours, rumours that you told stories. It was only as an adult that I came to realize the evidence I'd witnessed and what it really meant," Dawson took a deep breath. "I can never really apologize enough for not giving you the help and support you needed, for not taking you away that night, for letting you know I didn't really believe you. I also said some awful things to you for which I am truly sorry." Dawson took several deep breaths.

"Lastly, that I made the movie. That I took things so private and made them public, that I put things in that film under the guise of creative licence...well nothing can ever make up for that. So I wanted to give you this..." He handed Joey a cheque. "That's every bit of profit I made from Creekside. You can have the oscar as well."

Joey looked at the cheque and handed it to Pacey. The figure was huge, many millions. They wouldn't take it. He knew that.

"I'm happy Dawson. I don't want the money. The apology I'll take."

"Shouldn't you ask Pacey?"

"She doesn't have to. We don't want it," Pacey said sincerely.

"I don't want it either."

"Ok...split it up for charities. That's what I want," Joey looked at Pacey and he nodded.

"Do you know which ones?" Dawson asked and Joey nodded reeling off rape support charities, the Trevor project, cancer research and homelessness charities.

"Can you do that?"

"Yes," Dawson nodded. "I'll do it in your name."

"No anonymously."

"Ok."

"I'm glad we spoke," Joey smiled at him and stood to leave.

"I'll never forgive myself," Dawson said abruptly.

"Oh but you must," Joey reached a hand across the table that Dawson took. "You were a child and the issues I was facing were not childish ones. You were my best friend. I couldn't have got through without you. That's why it hurt...when in the end you didn't believe me, that you thought I could do..." Joey trailed off.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry and forgive yourself. I forgive you."

"Even for the movie? I can't blame that on my youth."

"Actually that movie kind of resolved a lot of things for me. It was a terrible...terrible to endure, and you got a lot wrong...but it helped me move on. I am happy Dawson. Pacey is a good man and he makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved, and he makes me trust. I'm capable of loving when I'm with him. Hear me when I tell you I forgive you because it's the truth."

"Thank you Joey," Dawson seemed on the verge of tears.

"Now you said something about an Oscar?" Joey gave him a pointed look and then smiled, until he smiled back.

"Sure," he chuckled and left the room, retuning a view moments later with the statue.

"For the baby's room," she stated and then handed it to Pacey.,"goodbye Dawson," she hugged him quickly and then took Pacey's hand again and they walked to the door together. Dawson watched them to the rowboat but nothing more was said. He even stood and watched them row away.

"You are the most amazing girl in the world," Pacey said at length.

"The guy was struggling. He needed me to let him know that."

"What the heck are we going to do with the statue?" Pacey frowned.

"Sell it to fund juniors college when the time is right?" she suggested.

"Melt it down and make a "special" bowl for Burt?"

"Golden knobs on our bedstead?" she smirked.

"Oooh, I know, a figurehead for my boat."

"Love it...or the van?" Joey's eyes flashed.

"Melt it down and make Oscar cutlery?" Pacey grinned. On this game would last them a lifetime.

"Toilet brush handle," Joey beamed and he threw himself at her kissing her.

"You are a total goof," she giggled returning his kisses.

"You married me," he defended.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"You getting sappy on me Potter?" He nuzzled his face into her cleavage.

"Never," she rubbed the short hair at the back of his neck, calm as the drifted in the creek.

"Course not."

"I was just thinking...imagine if you'd grown up here in Capeside? What if you had been friends with me as well as Dawson? Would things have been any different?"

"I imagine we'd have had some dodgy triangle of a relationship with you wanting Dawson and me wanting you. You'd have come good in the end of course. Too smart not to," he gave her a big smile which she returned.

"I do consider myself to be incredibly smart," she informed him.

"You are incredibly smart, and kind, and wonderful," Pacey gave her a look, a look she had to know very well because he gave it to her often. "Were you even a little tempted to take the money?" he smiled.

"Not even a little," she shrugged. "You and I do well enough and why mess with the reality of what we're building together? That kind of money would be fun but it wouldn't be real. This statue however," she looked at the Oscar that had been dumped on the bottom of the boat, "that baby will make a wonderful door knocker when we finally buy a house."

"The perfect candle stand for dinner parties?" Pacey suggested.

"Maybe we should donate it to the children's ward dressing up box?"

"That's a nice idea, but no. This baby is surely going to put to best use as a paperweight."

"You're a doofus," she smirked and looked pointedly to the oars, "now get rowing Jeeves, I want to go home."

"Home to here or home Boston?"

"Home Boston. I'm dying to see the guys and we have to visit your mom and pops to. I believe you stupidly arranged the sib dinner for tomorrow, so it's going to be busy."

"I can't believe we start back at work next week."

"You've had nine months off," she teased.

"I just love being with you."

"And I love being with you," she leant across the boat and gave him a quick kiss.

"Come on then wifey, let's get you home."

"You're going to have to carry me across the thresh hold you know?"

"I already did that," he complained.

"But not at our home, that was across the threshold of the van, and you fell. I still have a scar."

"Not my most elegant maneuver."

"So you owe me, a proper threshold carrying."

"I can manage that," he smiled at her.

"Good," she looked around her then back at him. "I love you."

"And I love you."  
*+*+*+*+*+*+


End file.
